one | voice

[thneed]

Sooo-- [ nervous laughing ] Just, you know, checking here...

Nobody actually buys that whole 'fictional' thing, right? And the doctors are just completely out of their minds? Or amazingly good actors and this is a very impressive prank, which good job by the way because that almost had me, and everyone can stop now?

Right?

Comments

[callbacks]

you snooze you lose asshole

1/4 SORRY ONCE-LER.

[ihateyouetc]

DUDE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER HIS QUESTIONS.
ALLOW ME TO ILLUSTRATE THE SCENARIO FOR YOU IN A FASHION YOU CAN UNDERSTAND.
THIS SET OF ENCLOSURE TALONS REPRESENTS THE NEW GUY. "OH, HEY! I'M A NEW GUY. I'M HERE DOING NEW THINGS, LIKE NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, WHICH IS PRETTY TYPICAL FOR BEING A NEW GUY. LIKE SERIOUSLY DUDES, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON! CAN ANYONE HELP ME????"

[ihateyouetc]

AND *THIS* SET OF ENCLOSURE TALONS INDICATES A REPLY A NORMAL SENTIENT CREATURE WOULD THINK TO SAY IN THIS SCENARIO: "HO THERE, STRANGER! WOW, IT SURE LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE IN A 'PINCH' OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER HUMANS SAY TO EACH OTHER TO SOUND FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL. I'LL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS IN A SANE AND CONTINUOUS FASHION AND PERHAPS EVEN INCLUDE NUMBERED BULLET POINTS TO MAKE SURE MY RESPONSE IS CLEAR AND CONCISE!"

[ihateyouetc]

AND *THESE* ENCLOSURE TALONS REPRESENT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY SAID: "YEAH DUDE I'M BEING MADE TO GO TO SUMMER CAMP THIS PLACE IS THE SHITS."

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

[maiditoutalive]

hes dave

[callbacks]

thanks aradia

[maiditoutalive]

any time

So sorry, Once-ler, I have a threadjacking problem OTL

[callbacks]

dude
literally nobody says ho there
also its not like anyone actually has a fucking clue whats going on with this place
you didnt have anything helpful to say and youve been here what
a sweep

[ihateyouetc]

IT WAS AN APPROXIMATION OF A REASONABLE HUMAN THING TO SAY. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE EXACT. FUCK, GET A CLUE.

[ihateyouetc]

ANYWAY, IT'S BEEN OVER HALF A SWEEP BUT NOT EXACTLY A SWEEP YET?
AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE GOT APPROXIMATELY A METRIC FUCKHAUL OF SHIT THAT'S HELPFUL TO SAY
IT'S JUST NOT WHAT HE'S ASKING ABOUT
SO WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY IN THIS CASE?
"OH YEAH, BY THE WAY, ONE TIME AROUND THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE, THERE WAS A WIDESPREAD MASS-KISSING PHENOMENON CAUSED BY A PARASITIC PLANT INFESTATION!"
WOW, THAT INFORMATION HELPS APPROXIMATELY NO ONE, CONSIDERING THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM NOW.
IN FACT, MOST THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN PROBLEMS IN THE PAST ARE NO LONGER PROBLEMS NOW
BECAUSE THEY FUCKING DISAPPEARED. JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.
AND THEN WHOEVER OVERSEES THIS PLACE TRIES TO EXPLAIN IT AWAY WITH "MASS HALLUCINATIONS" LIKE WE WERE ALL JUST STANDING IN THE MIDDLEMOST POINT OF A CONGREGATION OF THOUSANDS OF JUGGALOS, TERRIFIED AND WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON.
WHY DID THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THAT?
WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE?
NONE OF US WILL EVER KNOW.

[thneed]

What's a sweep?

[ihateyouetc]

HUH?

[ihateyouetc]

OH.
IT'S A MEASUREMENT OF TIME.
TO BE EXACT, 2.17 HUMAN YEARS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF ONE SWEEP.
NOBODY USES THAT TERM HERE BUT US.
AND BY "US" I MEAN TROLLS AND THE OTHER ASSHOLES WHO'VE BEEN INFLUENCED BY US.

[thneed]

You're trolls? What kind of troll? Because I'm not sure I want to buy into red-font over there calling himself a time god.

[callbacks]

rude
im the ascended knight of time
shouty heres the knight of sucking at everything but yeah hes a troll
the murderous alien kind
except he sucks at that too so you dont really have to worry about him

[thneed]

I'm getting the feeling you two don't like each other.

So what does a knight of time do?

[callbacks]

thats a ridiculous supposition
karkat and i get along like rice on beans
anyway yeah a knight of time is kind of this bullshit title from a thing my friends and i were doing before we got here
and it probably doesnt mean that much
but i have time powers i guess
and since i went godtier im basically immortal
give or take

[thneed]

Uh-huh. It seems more like water and oil but I'll take your word for it.

How's being immortal going for you?

[callbacks]

pretty ok i guess
its not everything its cracked up to be
but it beats becoming celestial barbecue

[thneed]

Becoming anything barbecue is almost always a bad thing.