001 ♥

[existechialism]

Hmm. Ok.
I think I have officially been ‘real’ long enough to have settled into the experience. You know, gotten over the complete fuckin’ shock and everything. And one thing I have noticed is the lack of any god damn qualifiable difference between my present state of being ‘real’ and my past state of what I guess these dudes would call my fictionality, or fictioness. Tack on any adjectival ending you prefer; there ain’t no such thing as an adjectival form of fiction just like there ain’t no such thing as any of us since we came here, if I’m getting this right. Thank god these benevolent dictators of reality took us by our ignorant hands and led us out of the cave of shadows into the light because why the fuck not embody the fictional trope of the noble but misguided savage while acting out the wet dream of every totalitarian dystopia ever wrought by pen. Way to keep it real, dudes.
So maybe I am just blinded by the realness of this real reality versus the kindergarten cut-out of non-reality I inhabited before,
But when exactly do I start feeling it?
Is it when I graduate reality high school, or do I have to go to reality college? Do I get a special set of reality-seeing glasses along with my diploma, and if so, can I get them in the shape of a radical pair of right triangles?
Or is it more like the onset of puberty or maybe even some Kafka-esque metamorphosis? One day I just wake up and it’s like shit, look at all this really real realness. This is like. The Platonic form of realness beside which all other realness must scuff in an embarrassed and flushed fashion at the floor.
When I referred to any kind of shit getting real before I might as well have been calling orange soda orange juice because that shit was in fact nothing but cancerous artificial preservatives lacking any nutritional value next to what I assume is a tastier and healthier alternative.
Doubt it though.
Fucking nothing is tastier than orange soda.
Anyway. 'Sup New Moore.

Comments

[quarkylass]

well i think you can graduate high school but i would not know because i just got here
hi! my name is jade
it is very nice to meet you, orange text

[existechialism]

Sup radioactive green text. Or Jade, I guess.
I like your text, and your name. They remind me of a bro of mine who types in green text and also has a name that starts with "Ja".
That's probably not a coincidence.
But it seems you are not similarly acquainted with chill dudes with D names who type in orange. How fucking awkward is that?
My name is Dirk.

[quarkylass]

well your text color reminded me of a friend who types in orange
but i have never seen him use capital letters unless he is trying to shout in order to be ironic!
so i quickly ruled that out and decided you had to be someone new
either that or an imposter davesprite and that is not very nice to assume
i just decided to go with the first option!
it is nice to meet you dirk
aradia has already told me about you, she says that you are pretty cool too
and so do a lot of people actually

[dialogical]

So now the question is, do we continue these coincidental hijinks by responding to each other's posts in a similarly ironic fashion at the same time?

[existechialism]

Already ahead of you.

[dialogical]

Thank god. Reality did not impede our natural synchronization a tick.

Come pick me up, bro. Strange meat puppets have had their grubby mitts on me all day and my lenses are foggy with their flesh oils.

[fuckincakewake]

reading this later gotta reply first before you peace out to get all quiet and pensive bullshit
as usual zzzzzzz
now im just excited
ur late punkass
where u been

[fuckincakewake]

ugh u would write a fucking mom length book here on this shit
oh newsflash
my moms here
except shes tiny and cute like a momdaughtre
our age-esque like in my dreams
its awesome
also daveys here
hoooooo hit u and davey gonna meet
hope ur prepared
ur so unready lol

[fuckincakewake]

omg this is 2 much 2 read
2 fast 2 furious
tl;dr
im gonna come get u asap

[notdogmatic]

This is certainly not a platonic reality.

[existechialism]

Yeah, I picked up on that.

[thneed]

Really? Orange soda?

[existechialism]

Sure. Why not?

[maiditoutalive]

hi dirk
welcome back
reality high school sounds just as pointless as reality middle school which is a very long exercise in futility
you may not want to pin all your hopes of achieving true realness on that goal

[existechialism]

Hey.
Thanks for the tip but I was already all over not doing that. I'm a Strider, which means I don't need to be taught how to 'keep it real'. And presuming I know how to keep it real assumes I have at least some idea of what reality is like, so I can better tend to its upkeep.
What's your name?

[brotimaeus]

youre just at the edge of the rabbit hole, alice.
stepped through the door and gone right on into fucking narnia after the final battle.
shit dont get no more real than this.
or so theyd have you believe.
dont drink the kool-aid.
orange soda should be safe.
agreeing with you on that assertion, btw.
fucking nothing is tastier than orange soda.
sup.
the names bro strider.

[existechialism]

Awesome. Clearly our mutual love of that ambrosial orange liquid and mixing literary metaphors will unit us despite the residual awkwardness of AUhood.
Dirk Strider.

[animator]

Eh. I've never felt any difference.

[existechialism]

Thank you for confirming my suspicions.

[callbacks]

lets continue being absolutely factual for a minute here
if all that stuff you said about getting a schooling was true wed already have two doctorates and the fast track to tenure in literal actuality at bona fide university
since we dont i think well have to agree the authenticity quotient of this place is substantially below par
that said
uh
welcome back bro

[existechialism]

[it is like straight up ten minutes before you get a reply back]

Hey. Dave, right?

[ohmycod]

tl;dr

[existechialism]

Don't sweat it. It was most just a bunch of overly verbose horseshit anyway.
What's up, Meenah.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Could you have been any more boring with your writing? I started dozing there.
L A M E.

[existechialism]

Wasn't for entertainment purposes.