attn bloodsuckers

[callbacks]

this is dave striders guide to polite dining

one
please and thank you are your friends
your friends are also your friends
bear that in mind when you try to eat them

two
clean up after yourselves
believe me your meal is not gonna just wipe itself off when youre done so have a little civic decency please and byob
bring your own bandaids
the superhero ones work best thats a scientific fact

three
whoevers spreading the rumor that i passed out in gym class yesterday is a dirty fuckin liar and should be ashamed of themselves
that was a completely intentional premeditated nap
falling down was part of the plan
but if anyone could lend me a copy of their english and history notes id appreciate it

Comments

[Text] Still bristling about the passing out thing

[tookthename]

I think not biting your friends at all is preferable.

[Text] shhh its ok

[callbacks]

people gotta eat

[fuckincakewake]

fainted like my little dudesel
like damsel
but w dudes

[Text]

[tookthename]

Not on you they don't.

[callbacks]

i didnt faint
do i look like a cockfighting pixel creature to you

[Text]

[callbacks]

hey its fine
i ate like my body weight in soup and slept approximately forever and fifteen minutes and im good to go now
also im immortal
thats a thing i am

[Text]

[tookthename]

I don't care if you're immortal. You aren't just a source of food.

[andagoodsoldier]

uh... you need any help? you kind of sound like you're in a situation

[Text]

[callbacks]

well
yeah
im also smart and good looking and extraordinarily charming
its just donating a pint or two isnt that big a deal for me as long as people are cool about it and keep an eye on my hp gauge

[Text]

[tookthename]

They can't control themselves when they feed. That's why you passed out in class. even if the vamp cares about you they loose that when they bite.

[callbacks]

nah man im good
jesus a guy cant have a quiet lie down without everyone jumping on his head about it

[andagoodsoldier]

not begrudging you your nap time, but i do still owe your for the coffee so just let me know when you want to cash out.

[hypertoxic]

DAVE!!!!!!!!

[callbacks]

oh
seriously dont worry about that
or this
a i dont mind running my mouth at an audience that cant up and leave and b im not exactly defenseless
hypothetical vampire snackage is not even close to the worst thing thats ever happened to me
i can deal

[callbacks]

oh hey vriska can i borrow your english notes
yours are pretty good once you get past how they look like math notes

[hypertoxic]

Are you out of your fucking mind?
What the hell do you think you're doing, Strider????????

[callbacks]

blatantly flattering your note taking skills for personal profit

[andagoodsoldier]

'hypothetical'? is theeeere someone reading this thread you're trying not to upset?

and don't try to stop me from paying you back, that's rude as fuck.

[Text]

[callbacks]

ok but
i guess even if i cant count on them to treat me like the fine specimen that i am its still not really something to freak out about
im not delicate

[callbacks]

from the look of things everyone reading the whole post is already really upset
but alright dude
if you really want to you can buy me coffee sometime
not now though i dont want the school nurse to bust a coronary over my temporarily anemic ass

[andagoodsoldier]

haha yeah looks like the rest of your night is gonna be spent doing damage control, good luck with that.

just so you know i am rolling my god damn eyes here, by the way. here it is explicitly: you did me a favor so i'm more than happy to do you one in return. that can take the form of obscenely caffeinated coffee, rescuing you from vampires, beating up your enemies, whatever.

[hypertoxic]

........
Okay, you know what? Fine. I will 8ring you my English notes.
And then we can have a nice, long chat. ::::)

[thneed]

You Striders are THE WORST at anything vampire related, I swear to Seuss.
Dave stop letting people eat you.

[universalconstant]

RULE FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX:
GIVE YOUR FOOD JUICE LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FOR ALL BLOOD DONATIONS.

[callbacks]

yes
hell yes
apple juice can i demand apple juice