BASED ON A TRUE STORY. FUCK ALL OF YOU.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE HERE TO HAVE ANY STUPID ASSHOLE'S BLUE CLUE OR ANYTHING EVEN VAGUELY COMPARING TO AN ANSWER AS TO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED OVER THE LAST STRETCH OF MISERABLE HUMAN DAYS.
IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN WANT AN EXPLANATION!
I'VE GIVEN UP ON EXPECTING ANYTHING EQUIVALENT TO A REASONABLE ANSWER.
I DO NOT HAVE ONE SOLITARY GOD-FEARING EXPLETIVE TO SCREAM TO THE SKY. I WILL NOT SET IT FREE TO ECHO INTO SPACE AND SHAKE THE WHOLE GODDAMN UNIVERSE WHERE IT MIGHT GO ON TO HERALD THE COMING OF A NEW RAGE HOTTER AND MORE POTENT THAN ANY OTHER FORCE OF SHEER ANIMOSITY BEFORE IT.
ACTUALLY, SPARE ME THE BULLSHIT!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS PLACE.
THE QUESTION I HAVE IS A SIMPLE ONE.
IT DOES NOT ASK MUCH.
IT IS MEEK. IT IS HUMBLE.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS SANE AND WITHIN REASON.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE EASY TO PROVIDE.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS: WHAT IN THE ALMIGHTY FUCK DID I WAKE UP TO
AND WHY DID ANYONE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA???
I MEAN SERIOUSLY?????
BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO HAND IT TO SOME OF YOU!
JOHN, THAT WAS AMAZING!
YOU DIDN'T BITE IT LIKE AN EMACIATED HUMAN DOG LUNGING FOR A HANDOUT.
I KNOW HOW HARD THAT HAD TO BE FOR YOU, SO REALLY, GREAT JOB!
LALONDE (PSA: THE PURPLE ONE; PINK ONE NEED NOT REPLY) I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
EVEN IF I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I AM PRETTY SURE THAT WAS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

/!\ ATTENTION /!\

/!\ STRIDER OF THE RED DOUCHE PERSUASION /!\

/!\ THIS PART IS ABOUT YOU! /!\

/!\ PLEASE, WILL DAVE STRIDER CTRL+F HIS NAME AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PART? /!\

/!\ THANKS! /!\

BLUE MAGNUM????
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????
WHO WOULD THINK TO SAY THAT EVEN AS A JOKE.
DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND BECOME A PARTICIPANT IN A FREAK FOSSIL FUEL FIGHT ACCIDENT.

/!\ OK, NOW YOU CAN FUCK OFF /!\

NOT THAT I REMEMBER.
I'VE JUST BEEN BROWSING THROUGH THESE MEMOS WITH MONUMENTAL MORTIFICATION, BUT THAT TIME IS COMING TO a*** CLOSE.
I'M GOING TO STOP EXPENDING MY ENERGY ON READING THESE AND TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT THE SHIT. INSTEAD, I'M GOING TO PUT ALL MY "STRENGTH" TOWARD A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT, SUCH AS SMASHING MY CRANIAL SHELL AGAINST THE WALL IN MY COMPARTMENTHIVE BLOCK IN RAPID SUCCESSION, TRYING TO ACCUMULATE ENOUGH MENTAL DAMAGES TO EITHER COMPLETELY FUCKING FORGET THE RIDICULOUS "PICTURES" AND EVERYTHING ELSE I WAS UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO SEE AFTER EMERGING FROM A PILE OF LIMBS SO CAREFULLY PLACED SO AS TO TRAP SOMEONE INSIDE THEM THAT IT WAS ALMOST LIKE I WAS INTRODUCED TO A SOFTER, KINDER, EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING VERSION OF ERIDAN'S SHITTY WAND PILE OR I JUST FLAT-OUT BREAK THROUGH THE WALL WITH SUCH GUSTO I MIGHT AS WELL GO PUT ON A BLACK "TANK" TOP, TAKE A BRIEF BREAK TO ROLL IN THE ABLUTION TRAP, AND COME BACK TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE HOLE I JUST MADE WHILE PRETENDING I'M DRENCHED IN SWEAT AS I DRIP A PUDDLE OF SHAME TO STAND IN WHILE SLOWLY TURNING MY HEAD TO MY TERMINALLY RETARDED HIVEMATE AND ASK HIM FOR A TOWEL.
WHICH ONE WILL IT BE???
I DON'T KNOW! PRETTY FUCKING PROMISING CHOICES THERE.
I GUESS WE'LL SEE WHICH ONE COMES FIRST!
PLACE YOUR BETS.
AUGH
WHATEVER
FUCK THIS.



OH SHIT EDIT
*** LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKING REMINDER OF HUMILIATION.
THANKS FOR POINTING IT OUT, ASSHOLE.

Comments

[reanimated]

Whatever man, when you're not too busy shoving your "ganderbulbs" in everyone's faces like the disgusting freak you're fast on your way to becoming, that fake with my face saw fit to buy a tonne of food. There's vegetables and shit, I really don't know what the fuck is up with that, so eat them I guess cos God knows I'm not going to.

[ihateyouetc]

OH MAN, REALLY? FELL ASLEEP AND EVERYTHING???
STOP TALKING TO ME WHEN YOU'RE INTOXICATED
IT'S ANNOYING AS FUCK.

[ihateyouetc]

BUT THANKS I GUESS.
VICTOR WOULD PROBABLY BE PISSED IF WE JUST WASTED ALL OF THAT.

[reanimated]

That's hurtful! I'm not in any way intoxicated! You're just boring, man, get over it.

[reanimated]

Alright maybe I am a little bit

[reanimated]

Yeah you're probably right. Christ there's a lot of cabbage. D'you like cabbage?

[ihateyouetc]

DUDE, YOU ARE ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT FUCKED UP.

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT? I GUESS SO.
I MEAN IT CAN'T BE THAT MUCH DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE REST OF THE HUMAN VEGETABLES THAT LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME, CAN IT?

[reanimated]

TRUE AS THAT MAY BE, I take offense to it on principle, I guess.

[reanimated]

Also if you tell anyone about this I'll throw a chair at your head

[ihateyouetc]

DON'T START THIS SHIT WITH ME AGAIN
IF YOU THROW A CHAIR AT ME I'M GOING TO THROW THE WHOLE FUCKING TABLE.

[ihateyouetc]

AND IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED
EVEN IF I WAS GOING TO TELL ANYONE
WHICH I WON'T, BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE TO TELL?
I WOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO TELL ANYONE
THIS IS STILL A GODDAMN PUBLIC NETWORK.

[reanimated]

Oh fuck right off, I refuse to believe you can pick up an entire bloody table.

[ihateyouetc]

DUDE, SERIOUSLY.
IT'S NOT A HUGE TABLE
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S THAT HEAVY.