BASED ON A TRUE STORY. FUCK ALL OF YOU.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE HERE TO HAVE ANY STUPID ASSHOLE'S BLUE CLUE OR ANYTHING EVEN VAGUELY COMPARING TO AN ANSWER AS TO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED OVER THE LAST STRETCH OF MISERABLE HUMAN DAYS.
IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN WANT AN EXPLANATION!
I'VE GIVEN UP ON EXPECTING ANYTHING EQUIVALENT TO A REASONABLE ANSWER.
I DO NOT HAVE ONE SOLITARY GOD-FEARING EXPLETIVE TO SCREAM TO THE SKY. I WILL NOT SET IT FREE TO ECHO INTO SPACE AND SHAKE THE WHOLE GODDAMN UNIVERSE WHERE IT MIGHT GO ON TO HERALD THE COMING OF A NEW RAGE HOTTER AND MORE POTENT THAN ANY OTHER FORCE OF SHEER ANIMOSITY BEFORE IT.
ACTUALLY, SPARE ME THE BULLSHIT!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS PLACE.
THE QUESTION I HAVE IS A SIMPLE ONE.
IT DOES NOT ASK MUCH.
IT IS MEEK. IT IS HUMBLE.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS SANE AND WITHIN REASON.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE EASY TO PROVIDE.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS: WHAT IN THE ALMIGHTY FUCK DID I WAKE UP TO
AND WHY DID ANYONE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA???
I MEAN SERIOUSLY?????
BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO HAND IT TO SOME OF YOU!
JOHN, THAT WAS AMAZING!
YOU DIDN'T BITE IT LIKE AN EMACIATED HUMAN DOG LUNGING FOR A HANDOUT.
I KNOW HOW HARD THAT HAD TO BE FOR YOU, SO REALLY, GREAT JOB!
LALONDE (PSA: THE PURPLE ONE; PINK ONE NEED NOT REPLY) I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
EVEN IF I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I AM PRETTY SURE THAT WAS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

/!\ ATTENTION /!\

/!\ STRIDER OF THE RED DOUCHE PERSUASION /!\

/!\ THIS PART IS ABOUT YOU! /!\

/!\ PLEASE, WILL DAVE STRIDER CTRL+F HIS NAME AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PART? /!\

/!\ THANKS! /!\

BLUE MAGNUM????
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????
WHO WOULD THINK TO SAY THAT EVEN AS A JOKE.
DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND BECOME A PARTICIPANT IN A FREAK FOSSIL FUEL FIGHT ACCIDENT.

/!\ OK, NOW YOU CAN FUCK OFF /!\

NOT THAT I REMEMBER.
I'VE JUST BEEN BROWSING THROUGH THESE MEMOS WITH MONUMENTAL MORTIFICATION, BUT THAT TIME IS COMING TO a*** CLOSE.
I'M GOING TO STOP EXPENDING MY ENERGY ON READING THESE AND TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT THE SHIT. INSTEAD, I'M GOING TO PUT ALL MY "STRENGTH" TOWARD A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT, SUCH AS SMASHING MY CRANIAL SHELL AGAINST THE WALL IN MY COMPARTMENTHIVE BLOCK IN RAPID SUCCESSION, TRYING TO ACCUMULATE ENOUGH MENTAL DAMAGES TO EITHER COMPLETELY FUCKING FORGET THE RIDICULOUS "PICTURES" AND EVERYTHING ELSE I WAS UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO SEE AFTER EMERGING FROM A PILE OF LIMBS SO CAREFULLY PLACED SO AS TO TRAP SOMEONE INSIDE THEM THAT IT WAS ALMOST LIKE I WAS INTRODUCED TO A SOFTER, KINDER, EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING VERSION OF ERIDAN'S SHITTY WAND PILE OR I JUST FLAT-OUT BREAK THROUGH THE WALL WITH SUCH GUSTO I MIGHT AS WELL GO PUT ON A BLACK "TANK" TOP, TAKE A BRIEF BREAK TO ROLL IN THE ABLUTION TRAP, AND COME BACK TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE HOLE I JUST MADE WHILE PRETENDING I'M DRENCHED IN SWEAT AS I DRIP A PUDDLE OF SHAME TO STAND IN WHILE SLOWLY TURNING MY HEAD TO MY TERMINALLY RETARDED HIVEMATE AND ASK HIM FOR A TOWEL.
WHICH ONE WILL IT BE???
I DON'T KNOW! PRETTY FUCKING PROMISING CHOICES THERE.
I GUESS WE'LL SEE WHICH ONE COMES FIRST!
PLACE YOUR BETS.
AUGH
WHATEVER
FUCK THIS.



OH SHIT EDIT
*** LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKING REMINDER OF HUMILIATION.
THANKS FOR POINTING IT OUT, ASSHOLE.

Comments

jesus christ.

[riseup]

thanks, i thought i did pretty good too!

FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

[ihateyouetc]

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY YOU READ ALL OF THAT AT THE TIME YOU COMMENTED.

[apple_inc]

You missed the shift key on one of your A's.

[ihateyouetc]

OH, THANKS!
HOLD ON. LET ME JUST FIX THAT RIGHT UP.

[notdogmatic]

If you would like, you are more than welcome to attend movie night in the future.

[ihateyouetc]

HELL NO.

[roseate]

Ok,
But I honestly had nothing to do with it this time.

[ihateyouetc]

AS A PERFECTLY UNBIASED SPECTATOR LOOKING BACK ON THIS COMPLETE CLUSTERFUCK
WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING IN ANY RESPECT OR FASHION BY THE WAY
WHATEVER.
THE SMALL HUMAN WIGGLER WHO REPLACED YOU WAS OBVIOUSLY BASICALLY THE ONLY THING KEEPING THOSE MORONS FROM GOING OFF AND COMMITTING MASS-SUICIDE.

[reanimated]

Oh who the fuck knows and furthermore, who the fuck cares? I've got my own question that needs answering. Why is it you always grow up to be a right pervert? 69ing at children all over the place, what's wrong with you?

[ihateyouetc]

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EACH TIME?
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS???
HE ISN'T ME.

[callbacks]

i dont fucking search for my name
and zoolander isnt a totally shitty movie
that dude who wasnt me or whatever had ok taste
the end
can you furiously smash your face into your keys a little quieter like is that a thing you are emotionally capable of doing
i know its hard
but nobody understands
or cares

[ihateyouetc]

HAHAHAHAHAHA
OH SNAP

[ihateyouetc]

MERMAN, KARKAT. MER*MAN*!!

[ihateyouetc]

OF COURSE IT'S SOMETHING I'M "EMOTIONALLY" CAPABLE OF DOING
THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.
THE PROBLEM IS... DO I PHYSICALLY FEEL LIKE DOING IT?
LET ME THINK ABOUT IT A SECOND
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
NOPE!

[ihateyouetc]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK OFF
THE ONLY ASSHOLE YOU HAVE TO BLAME FOR THIS IS FUTURE YOU.

[cuttle]

T)(e last few days were really stupid! If t)(is is )(ow )(umans pass time, t)(ey s)(ould get a better PASSTIM----E!
But Karkat, it S-E-EMS you are more rambly t)(an usual!
I'm not going to read all of t)(at.
So, I will just go a)(ead and ask: are you ok? 38/

[ihateyouetc]

GOD
FEFERI













SORRY.

[ihateyouetc]

I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO YOU WHEN YOU CAME BACK.
IT'S NOT THAT I WASN'T GLAD TO SEE YOU IT'S JUST

[ihateyouetc]

FORGET IT.
I'M NOT MAKING EXCUSES FOR IT.
IT WAS A SHITTY THING DONE BY A COMPLETELY SHITTY PERSON.
MOVING ON.

[ihateyouetc]

YEAH.
IT'S NOTHING, BUT THANKS.

[ex_nerf940]

Ugh, you really need 8etter ho88ies, Vantas! This memo is way too fucking long for me to give more than two shits a8out.
Look, I'm just going on a HUGE lim8 here and guessing that you didn't like that little event that much, huh????????
Too 8ad! If only you were considerate enough, man oh man. Then you'd stop 8ringing everyone down with all your negativity! I mean, some of us arrived here straight into that crap.
Like me, duh!

[ihateyouetc]

OH MAN, SPEAKING OF COMPLETE SHIT
PLEASE, GO EXCRETE YOUR OCEAN OF INSIPID FECULENCE ELSEWHERE.
OR DON'T! JUST HANG AROUND AND GET IT ALL OVER THE PLACE LIKE YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW
THEN, TRULY, I WILL KNOW ALL THE PAIN AND MISERY CASCADING THROUGH YOUR VEINS AS IT FUCKING CHOKES ME TO DEATH AND I DROWN IN A CONCENTRATED BUILD-UP OF YOUR BONA FIDE BULLSHIT.
I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER DIGNIFYING ANYTHING ELSE YOU SAID WITH A PROPER RESPONSE.
THE LAST GODDAMN THING I

[cueball]

[Are you finished?]

I SHOULD REALLY BE GETTING READY FOR WORK NOW BUT YOU KNOW SOMETIMES SOME COMMENTS ARE TOO EASY.

[ihateyouetc]

OH YES!
A REPLY CONTAINING SOLELY NOTHING IS DEFINITELY HELPFUL AND COHERENT IN EVERY WAY EVER
THANKS FOR THAT!
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
AND WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME BLANK COMMENTS.

[notvictorious]

You were nice guy Karkat again and I missed it!

[reanimated]

You didn't miss anything, he sexually harassed children again, really it was same old same old

[fuckincakewake]

how coem u call joegg by his first name but not rosie and david

[roseate]

'Rosie' and 'David' aren't our first names.
Also,
Please no.

[maiditoutalive]

maybe you should think about breathing into a bag for awhile whenever you get to feeling this way
you really lost me in that last bit

[ihateyouetc]

YES, YES THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED.
I NEED TO BREATHE MY OWN REGURGITATED OXYGEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN
UNTIL I OVERDOSE AND PASS OUT FROM THE UNDILUTED FURY OF MY EXHAUSTED EXHALES!