BASED ON A TRUE STORY. FUCK ALL OF YOU.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, I DON'T EXPECT ANYONE HERE TO HAVE ANY STUPID ASSHOLE'S BLUE CLUE OR ANYTHING EVEN VAGUELY COMPARING TO AN ANSWER AS TO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED OVER THE LAST STRETCH OF MISERABLE HUMAN DAYS.
IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN WANT AN EXPLANATION!
I'VE GIVEN UP ON EXPECTING ANYTHING EQUIVALENT TO A REASONABLE ANSWER.
I DO NOT HAVE ONE SOLITARY GOD-FEARING EXPLETIVE TO SCREAM TO THE SKY. I WILL NOT SET IT FREE TO ECHO INTO SPACE AND SHAKE THE WHOLE GODDAMN UNIVERSE WHERE IT MIGHT GO ON TO HERALD THE COMING OF A NEW RAGE HOTTER AND MORE POTENT THAN ANY OTHER FORCE OF SHEER ANIMOSITY BEFORE IT.
ACTUALLY, SPARE ME THE BULLSHIT!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS PLACE.
THE QUESTION I HAVE IS A SIMPLE ONE.
IT DOES NOT ASK MUCH.
IT IS MEEK. IT IS HUMBLE.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS SANE AND WITHIN REASON.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE EASY TO PROVIDE.
WHAT IT WONDERS IS: WHAT IN THE ALMIGHTY FUCK DID I WAKE UP TO
AND WHY DID ANYONE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA???
I MEAN SERIOUSLY?????
BUT I GUESS I HAVE TO HAND IT TO SOME OF YOU!
JOHN, THAT WAS AMAZING!
YOU DIDN'T BITE IT LIKE AN EMACIATED HUMAN DOG LUNGING FOR A HANDOUT.
I KNOW HOW HARD THAT HAD TO BE FOR YOU, SO REALLY, GREAT JOB!
LALONDE (PSA: THE PURPLE ONE; PINK ONE NEED NOT REPLY) I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.
EVEN IF I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING I AM PRETTY SURE THAT WAS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT.

/!\ ATTENTION /!\

/!\ STRIDER OF THE RED DOUCHE PERSUASION /!\

/!\ THIS PART IS ABOUT YOU! /!\

/!\ PLEASE, WILL DAVE STRIDER CTRL+F HIS NAME AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PART? /!\

/!\ THANKS! /!\

BLUE MAGNUM????
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????
WHO WOULD THINK TO SAY THAT EVEN AS A JOKE.
DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND BECOME A PARTICIPANT IN A FREAK FOSSIL FUEL FIGHT ACCIDENT.

/!\ OK, NOW YOU CAN FUCK OFF /!\

NOT THAT I REMEMBER.
I'VE JUST BEEN BROWSING THROUGH THESE MEMOS WITH MONUMENTAL MORTIFICATION, BUT THAT TIME IS COMING TO a*** CLOSE.
I'M GOING TO STOP EXPENDING MY ENERGY ON READING THESE AND TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT THE SHIT. INSTEAD, I'M GOING TO PUT ALL MY "STRENGTH" TOWARD A MORE NOBLE PURSUIT, SUCH AS SMASHING MY CRANIAL SHELL AGAINST THE WALL IN MY COMPARTMENTHIVE BLOCK IN RAPID SUCCESSION, TRYING TO ACCUMULATE ENOUGH MENTAL DAMAGES TO EITHER COMPLETELY FUCKING FORGET THE RIDICULOUS "PICTURES" AND EVERYTHING ELSE I WAS UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO SEE AFTER EMERGING FROM A PILE OF LIMBS SO CAREFULLY PLACED SO AS TO TRAP SOMEONE INSIDE THEM THAT IT WAS ALMOST LIKE I WAS INTRODUCED TO A SOFTER, KINDER, EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING VERSION OF ERIDAN'S SHITTY WAND PILE OR I JUST FLAT-OUT BREAK THROUGH THE WALL WITH SUCH GUSTO I MIGHT AS WELL GO PUT ON A BLACK "TANK" TOP, TAKE A BRIEF BREAK TO ROLL IN THE ABLUTION TRAP, AND COME BACK TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE HOLE I JUST MADE WHILE PRETENDING I'M DRENCHED IN SWEAT AS I DRIP A PUDDLE OF SHAME TO STAND IN WHILE SLOWLY TURNING MY HEAD TO MY TERMINALLY RETARDED HIVEMATE AND ASK HIM FOR A TOWEL.
WHICH ONE WILL IT BE???
I DON'T KNOW! PRETTY FUCKING PROMISING CHOICES THERE.
I GUESS WE'LL SEE WHICH ONE COMES FIRST!
PLACE YOUR BETS.
AUGH
WHATEVER
FUCK THIS.



OH SHIT EDIT
*** LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKING REMINDER OF HUMILIATION.
THANKS FOR POINTING IT OUT, ASSHOLE.

Comments

[callbacks]

better

BREAKIN IT UP INTO TWO THREADS BECAUSE THAT'S THE KIND OF ASSHOLE I AM.

[ihateyouetc]

WHY DOES IT HAVE SENSORY FILAMENTS NOW???
I'M NOT A GODDAMN POUNCEBEAST.
AND NO, IT'S NOT BETTER.
IT'S WORSE
WHICH IS KIND OF WHAT YOU GO FOR, SO NO SURPRISE THERE!
SO YOU'RE WELCOME ON THE EXPECTED FUCKING FEEDBACK.

[callbacks]

thank
you fill the cockles of my heart with warm butter and clam sauce

I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHY HE TOOK MOST OFFENSE TO THIS PART.

[ihateyouetc]

THANK WHAT???
IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE LIKE THAT.
IT COULD BASICALLY BE "THANK" ANYBODY.
THIS CONVERSATION IS ALMOST AS INFURIATING AS THE WHITE-TEXT ASSHOLE TALKING TO ME ABOUT THE MESSAGE HE SENT ME ON KANAYA'S COMPUTER ABOUT NOT TURNING MY BACK ON THE BODY.
I KEEP SAYING "WHAT BODY??? YOU DIDN'T SPECIFY WHICH BODY. THERE WERE MORE THAN JUST A COUPLE FUCKING BODIES SO YOU NEED TO BE MORE SPECIFIC."
AND HE KEEPS BEING ANYTHING BUT SPECIFIC AND HE'S JUST DOING IT TO BE AN ASSHOLE, KIND OF LIKE YOU.
MAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD TALK. YOU MIGHT "HIT IT OFF." WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
ANYWAY, ACRONYMS AND CONTRACTIONS EXIST TO SHORTEN WORDS BUT THAT ONE DOESN'T EVEN NEED SHORTENING, IT JUST NEEDS A GODDAMN "S".
"THANK" IS LIKE TYPING "THX" AS "THK" WHICH IS JUST AS COMPLETELY FUCKING STUPID AND UNNECESSARY.

Probably because it's obnoxious

[callbacks]

do you mean the white text dude that like
only talks to rose
and other impressionable school age girls
he talked to you?

[callbacks]

karkat is there something you want to tell us

OH WELL, NO ISSUE. ALREADY DISTRACTED OFF-TOPIC.

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT.

CULTURAL ISSUE COMPLETELY MISSED.

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???
WHO CARES IF HE USUALLY TALKS TO GIRLS.
HE ONLY TALKED TO ME ONCE ON THE METEOR.
IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN HELP THAT THE WHITE-TEXT DOUCHE JUST RANDOMLY MESSAGED ME FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF FUCKING WITH ME THE DAY ALL MY FRIENDS STARTED KILLING EACH OTHER.
THEN SHORTLY AFTER THAT GAMZEE STARTED FUCKING WITH ME AND TAUNTING ME???
IT'S LIKE THEY TIMED IT FOR THE MAXIMUM FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT.

[ihateyouetc]

ANYWAY, HE'S ONLY TALKED TO ME ONCE HERE TOO.
AND WHAT A COINCIDENCE!
I BET HE'S JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FREAK OUT HERE TOO.

[callbacks]

ok but
karkat
you know its ok if you want to wear skirts sometimes
they do it in scotland and those dudes are still the manliest fucking specimens of manitude there are
or i mean if you dont want to be manly thats cool too nobody heres going to judge you

[callbacks]

not for that anyway

DAVE THIS IS KIND OF CRUEL.

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT.
THIS CONVERSATION BARELY MADE SENSE TO BEGIN WITH SINCE I'M HAVING IT WITH YOU BUT IT MAKES EVEN LESS SENSE NOW THAN IT DID A COUPLE MINUTES AGO.
WHY WOULD I WANT TO WEAR A SKIRT. IT'S NOT EVEN PRACTICAL.
THE ONLY REASON TO WEAR A SKIRT IS FOR PURPOSE OF FASHION AND I GUESS PERSONAL PREFERENCE???
BUT I COULDN'T GIVE LESS OF A SHIT ABOUT FASHION AND WHAT I PREFER I WEAR.

HE IS TRYING TO BE A SUPPORTIVE...NOT-FRIEND

[callbacks]

i just want you to know its ok
i know youve got roses card
her couch is always open
you dont have to go through this alone

/)A(\

[ihateyouetc]

HOLY SHIT.
I FEEL LIKE WE'RE HAVING TWO DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS HERE.
GO THROUGH *WHAT*???
WHO CARES ABOUT WHETHER HER COUCH IS OCCUPIED??????
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????????

here i come to save the day and make things worse

[riseup]

oh dude, so nasty!
i knew he was creepy but i didn't know he was THAT creepy...

THANKS A LOT. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, SERIOUSLY.
WHAT AM I MISSING HERE.
THIS ISN'T HELPING.

[riseup]

karkat, there are people you can talk to.
remember, principal dinkerton's door is always open if you need an adult.

[ihateyouetc]

WOW, YES. THAT ANSWERS ALL OF MY QUESTIONS UP TO AND INCLUDING MY NEW QUESTION, WHICH IS WHAT THE HELL IS SO CREEPY ABOUT IT.
LIKE THE CONVERSATION WHERE HE TOLD ME NOT TO TURN MY BACK ON THE BODY WAS PRETTY CREEPY WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT?
BUT THAT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF AND NONE OF YOU EVEN SAW THAT CONVERSATION.
SO WHAT THE FUCK.
WHY SHOULD I NEED AN ADULT HUMAN.

yw dave

[riseup]

if i had to rub a few braincells together and make an educated guess, i would say that dave is implying that creepy white text guy is creeping on you like a big creepy creep.

[riseup]

seriously, dude, don't you remember that one assembly?
stranger danger!

[ihateyouetc]

UH.

[ihateyouetc]

WHOA.
WHAT?
YOU MEAN HE THINKS HE'S TRYING TO SOLICIT SOME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP?

[ihateyouetc]

NO, NO.
NO WAY. THAT'S NOT
I MEAN I DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT...

[ihateyouetc]

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO SOLICIT ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE, RED OR BLACK?
WELL, I GUESS IT COULD BE CONSIDERED BLACKFLIRTING.
BUT HE'S NOT A TROLL.

[ihateyouetc]

OH GOD DAMMIT, THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.
THERE'S NO WAY I MISSED SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
I'M USUALLY REALLY GOOD AT NOTICING THIS STUFF.