;;one | text

[kantstoppfantstopp]

You know what? I don’t care what they say. I know for a fact I’m a real person. I have to be; how can someone as fucking awesome as me not be? It defies all logical explanation. I bet all the scientists would be just as outraged. Even the Chancellor would be.
Because I’m real. I always was.
I’m Prussia.
I’m the reason Germany even exists today.
Hell, I have apothecaries and shopping malls named after me.
That’s how great I am.
I’m calling this entire island out on its shit because this is all complete Scheiß.

Comments

[doublestripe]

What's that? You're taking to long to speak.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

I am not. Shut up.

[doublestripe]

Okay okay. I'll stop.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Good. What are you, like three?

[doublestripe]

Nine.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Close enough.

[doublestripe]

How old are you?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

I stopped counting a long time ago.

_{[How he's gotta actually figure this out.]}

I don't know, at least 800. Sounds about right.

[doublestripe]

You're so oooold. No wonder I haven't heard of you.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

I'm not that old! And that's all the more reason for you to have heard of me.

[doublestripe]

You're ancient. It depends. Is that in game time or real time?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

What does that even mean? Of course it's real time; life isn't a game.

[doublestripe]

Suuure it isn't.

800 is crazy though. What do you do with all that time?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

It isn't.

My activities have changed depending upon the century. There were times when I expanded territories and won wars. Nowadays that's best left to games when there's time.

[doublestripe]

Oh! Oh! I get it. World of Warcraft, right? 900 years backstory!

That's really cool.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

What. No. I mean, I've played that but that's not my life.
It's completely separate. As in I finish all of my work and have some free time so I get on the computer and play that.

[doublestripe]

Sims?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

I'm not from a game.

[doublestripe]

Holy monkey milk with rainbow sprinkles!

[doublestripe]

That's funny. You're funny.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

What is wrong with you? You're crazy.

[doublestripe]

I don't know. You sound kind of crazy. You just told me you're a 900 year old country not from a game.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

How can you even be from a game? You're supposed to play them.

[doublestripe]

You guys are really confused around here. Did Tron put you up to this?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Tron is a movie.