backdated to night of the 13th

[nicevampireguy]

Does anyone recognize me?

Anyone?

And does anyone know why I'm so fucking hungry?!

I need something juicy... like a rare steak... Yeah... Doesn't that sound delicious?

Comments

[highlyinformed]

[highlyinformed]

I think we can find you something.

[nicevampireguy]

You've got steak?

[highlyinformed]

Sure.

[nicevampireguy]

Ok, me and this other guy might head over there in a bit. Thanks man.

[ricinbeans]

Is there a place to get steak around here?

[ricinbeans]

Uh and I don't recognize you, sorry.

[nicevampireguy]

Goddamnit.

I don't know where a steak is, but I'm gonna ask this other guy that has posted on the network.

How the fuck does this network even work?

Want to come with me if we find a place?

[ricinbeans]

I'm pretty sure I'm like, the last guy who could answer any of that shit.

I guess? Yo, this is messed up. I don't know who I am OR who you are. You're not gonna murder me, right?

[sunflowersister]

[ this is basically how it goes:

Someone's hungry?

Wait, isn't that the vampire?

THE VAMPIRE DOESN'T KNOW WHY HE'S HUNGRY??

SCREECH ]

[audio]

[sunflowersister]

[ none of which she broadcasts. what is it he said about how he feeds??? DID HE EVEN SAY ANYTHING?? SEE, NO GOOD COMES OF LETTING EVIL ROAM THE STREETS UNCHECKED. ]

I'm sure you have something in the fridge!!

[audio]

[nicevampireguy]

No, there's nothing in there at all. What kind of bachelor has nothing at his place except a fuckin bar full of alcohol? I guess that might explain why I woke up after sundown though.

[audio]

[sunflowersister]

Actually that sounds like a normal bachelor thing to me...

But I think it's because you're, um.

Well, a while ago, you said you were a vampire.

[reanimated]

Yeah, I recognise you, you're The Great Twattino.

[nicevampireguy]

Ha ha ha yeah FUCK YOU.

[reanimated]

WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU

[nicevampireguy]

Look, I may not know who the fuck I am, but I can still call bullshit when I see it!!

[subspaceflowers]

Rare? Dude. Gross.

Medium-well maybe.

[nicevampireguy]

No, I'm definitely craving it rare.

[subspaceflowers]

Then won't it like... bleed all over the place? If you're gonna have it rare, you may as well eat it straight off the cow.

[nicevampireguy]

That would be so unsanitary though.

[thneed]

Make steak then.

[thneed]

But I wouldn't trust it. Where does an island get its steak if there aren't any cows, right? It's probably not the freshest.

[nicevampireguy]

There aren't any cows? Have you searched the whole island? Surely they're here somewhere.

[thneed]

No, not the whole thing because I think the forest is full of hungry wolves? But cows wouldn't be in there anyway. Wouldn't they be where the city could use them?