Backdated to earlier this morning

[callbacks]

dave this is future you
youre not going to school today
dont bother trying to call in sick it wont work
theres nothing i can do for you
im sorry
honestly
you have no idea how sincere im being right now
the best you can do is probably turn off your phone and try not to talk to anyone but we both know thats not happening
im leaving now though im not prolonging this bullshit any longer for either of us than i have to
just wanted to warn you man
later

Comments

[callbacks]

bro
bro are you ok
dude?

[existechialism]

No, I saw what I was about to type and keyboard smashed to avoid it.
What the fuck.
Something is going on.

[callbacks]

oh my god

im going to ask a question
try to lie
it should be easy this is internet basics

a/s/l

[existechialism]

16, male, your mom's bed.

[callbacks]

shit
bro i think we cant lie

[existechialism]

Or be even vaguely misleading, apparently.
Future you may have had the right idea.

[callbacks]

ok well we can just
not talk to anybody
right
this is probably one of those things that happen itll blow over by like wednesday
probably

[existechialism]

I can swing not talking to anyone for five days.
Can you?

[callbacks]

fuck

[existechialism]

We can skip school.

[callbacks]

three years ahead of you
whats the most soundproof thing you can build a fort out of

[existechialism]

Not my knowledge base, sorry.

[callbacks]

ok were going to have to make do

[existechialism]

Not sure how much sound proof will help, considering most of our communication is text-based.

[callbacks]

maybe then i wont hear my message alerts

[existechialism]

Because if you hear them, you'll be compelled to answer them?

[callbacks]

i guess if were being honest here
yes
im usually compelled to answer my phone
or at least see whos texting me

[existechialism]

Well we are sure as fuck being honest.

[callbacks]

yeah
its kind of a problem
i just dont stop talking ever basically even when no ones actually listening to me
like i just keep typing into empty pesterchum windows long after people have signed off
john could probably fill a phone book with shit ive sent to him
it even happens in real life
oh my god make me shut up

[existechialism]

It's fine. I like listening to you talk.
Feel free to take out your impulse for verbosity on me until everything blows over.

[callbacks]

why would you do this to yourself
seriously the only one who actually listens to everything i say is karkat and thats because hes some kind of shrieking toothy masochist

[existechialism]

Because you're my bro.
I want to hear everything.

[callbacks]

jesus christ
welp
alright i guess
what do you want to know

[existechialism]

I guess, what it was like growing up with adult-AU me.

[callbacks]

it was cool
i mean
besides the puppets lying around everywhere with their unmannerly rumps all jutting up into my face constantly
and their fucking noses
and
like
shit ok dont get me started on the puppets
i just
fuck
besides that ive got nothing to complain about really
it was kind of a weird relationship i guess looking back on it but that doesnt mean it was bad
or that like
i was unhappy
i mean how many kids get to have an awesome bro who teaches them how to weaponize their sylladex and have rap battles and go at each other with real swords on the rooftop
on an objective scale from one to unreal how awesome is that
i was living the dream man