Backdated to earlier this morning

[callbacks]

dave this is future you
youre not going to school today
dont bother trying to call in sick it wont work
theres nothing i can do for you
im sorry
honestly
you have no idea how sincere im being right now
the best you can do is probably turn off your phone and try not to talk to anyone but we both know thats not happening
im leaving now though im not prolonging this bullshit any longer for either of us than i have to
just wanted to warn you man
later

Comments

[callbacks]

i can only say ive never actually seen her try to eat anybody

[thneed]

This is a good thing! I'm glad none of the trolls have confessed to eating people yet.

[callbacks]

ok perfect honesty now im pretty sure the only one who might is gamzee
you know
your pizza guy

[thneed]

Oh.

[thneed]

Oh no.

[thneed]

Holy fishing oobleck. That is not okay.

[thneed]

You're joking, right?

[thneed]

You can't just say the one who might eat people is the one that makes food for people. That's very very wrong.

[callbacks]

someone found fingers in his pocket once

[thneed]

Why didn't anyone mention this before? This is kind of serious. Cannibals making pizzas is a bad thing.

Or I guess we can't call him a cannibal. Troll fingers or human fingers?

[thneed]

By 'kind of serious,' I mean completely horrifying and questioning if he's using tomato sauce or blood.

[callbacks]

i mean hes probably ok
ish
you know for the most part
karkat keeps a close eye on him and that kid basically never sleeps hes so paranoid
but yeah we totally found troll fingers on him from before he got here
i mean i dont know what he was doing with them but im just saying i wouldnt rule cannibalism out

[thneed]

Maybe I need to hire Karkat so there's a closer eye being kept on him...

[callbacks]

dude no
the psychomurder cannibal clown is still better for business than karkat

[thneed]

Why? Karkat seems to pay a lot of attention to detail. He flips out a lot so I'd never put him in a spot where he'd deal with customers but maybe some kind of management position.

[callbacks]

he is a pretty good leader

[callbacks]

fuck i didnt not say that

[thneed]

You did say that.

[callbacks]

i did but im going to pretend i didnt for convoluted reasons even i dont understand anymore

[thneed]

That sounds discombobulated.

[callbacks]

im a twice undead teenage rap ninja who uses borderline omnipotent time powers to deliver pizzas to fictional characters and angry aliens with horns who like to harass people on the internet
my life is discombobulated

[thneed]

And people think I'm weird.

[callbacks]

you are weird

[thneed]

I'm just the musically-talented entrepreneur with a huge sweet-tooth and deep rooted family issues that once accidentally summoned a orange mustached forest guardian by chopping down a tree impulsively and doesn't like touching things so I have an unhealthy need to wear gloves.

That's not weird.

[callbacks]

yeah your life doesnt sound that weird
youre just weird
as a person
its ok though we accept you