attn bloodsuckers

[callbacks]

this is dave striders guide to polite dining

one
please and thank you are your friends
your friends are also your friends
bear that in mind when you try to eat them

two
clean up after yourselves
believe me your meal is not gonna just wipe itself off when youre done so have a little civic decency please and byob
bring your own bandaids
the superhero ones work best thats a scientific fact

three
whoevers spreading the rumor that i passed out in gym class yesterday is a dirty fuckin liar and should be ashamed of themselves
that was a completely intentional premeditated nap
falling down was part of the plan
but if anyone could lend me a copy of their english and history notes id appreciate it

Comments

[callbacks]

its not like an open invitation to my jugular
i just think people should have some manners

[thneed]

If I was a vampire and didn't know you, I'd be like "wow maybe I should eat Dave. Everyone else is doing it!"

[callbacks]

onceler if everyone jumped off a bridge would you jump

also what do you mean you striders plural

[thneed]

What kind of bridge?

I think Bro took a completely intentional premeditated nap instead of actually sucking blood.
And it's kind of really creeping me out.

[callbacks]

a big one ensuring massive bodily harm

[callbacks]

what
im coming over

[thneed]

You are? And then what? There's not enough blood between the two of you.

[callbacks]

do you think he could eat animals
or like
you know that one story about the vampire rabbit that sucks the juice out of veggies
would that work

[thneed]

I don't want him eating Peaches.
...Isn't that what Marceline does? She sucks the red out of apples or something. That might work.

[callbacks]

but apples arent even red on the inside

[thneed]

I think she eats the outside.