attn bloodsuckers

[callbacks]

this is dave striders guide to polite dining

one
please and thank you are your friends
your friends are also your friends
bear that in mind when you try to eat them

two
clean up after yourselves
believe me your meal is not gonna just wipe itself off when youre done so have a little civic decency please and byob
bring your own bandaids
the superhero ones work best thats a scientific fact

three
whoevers spreading the rumor that i passed out in gym class yesterday is a dirty fuckin liar and should be ashamed of themselves
that was a completely intentional premeditated nap
falling down was part of the plan
but if anyone could lend me a copy of their english and history notes id appreciate it

Comments

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[rule_britannia]

Yes, I'm afraid so.

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[callbacks]

man
fine ill do it
but only because im going to need something to keep myself occupied when i inevitably end up babysitting bros pasty vampiricized ass

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[rule_britannia]

I beg your pardon?

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[callbacks]

what
im a great sitter
didnt you see my grades on last years fake baby project

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[rule_britannia]

That wasn't quite the part I was referring to.

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[callbacks]

oh the bloodsucker part
yeah the onceler just told me
also bro commented on like fifty posts about it without a filter so if the dude was trying to keep it on the downlow he missed by about four hundred years

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[rule_britannia]

That doesn't seem quite like him, Dave. If I might offer even the smallest speculation on how your peculiar sibling's mind works.

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[callbacks]

why do you think im going to check on him

dont tell him we had this conversation

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[rule_britannia]

Consider my lips sealed, on my word as a nation.
Though, do tell me if he's alright.
He's a rather interesting young man and I do enjoy observing him.

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[callbacks]

hes a fucking weirdo but yeah hes a good guy
ill keep you posted
whens the homework due

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[rule_britannia]

Monday.

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[callbacks]

sweet ill be hella recovered by then
talk to you later man dont let anyone chew on you

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[rule_britannia]

I shall do my best.