;;one | text

[kantstoppfantstopp]

You know what? I don’t care what they say. I know for a fact I’m a real person. I have to be; how can someone as fucking awesome as me not be? It defies all logical explanation. I bet all the scientists would be just as outraged. Even the Chancellor would be.
Because I’m real. I always was.
I’m Prussia.
I’m the reason Germany even exists today.
Hell, I have apothecaries and shopping malls named after me.
That’s how great I am.
I’m calling this entire island out on its shit because this is all complete Scheiß.

Comments

[kantstoppfantstopp]

What book were you from?
My name's Gilbert Beilschmidt, also known as Prussia. Or Königreich Preußen if you want to be specific. Though even that's a bit antiquated, I'll admit.

[alwaysimpure]

Harry Potter, I believe. It's named after my godson!

[He's the proudest!]

Pretty sure I've heard of Prussia before.

Pardon, History is my weakest subject and after a certain point it's all just goblin names.

So Prussia is your nickname? [Getting used to weirdness, fast.]

[kantstoppfantstopp]

RIGHT! You're the one who can turn into a dog, right? Or were you the werewolf? I watch the movies ages ago, but to be honest, sometimes I worry about what comes out of Arthur's country. It's not as disconcerting as what comes out of Alfred's, though.

_{[Consider this conversation derailed. Good job, Gilbert.]}

Of course you've heard of Prussia! And it's not a nickname--it's what I am. I'm the embodiment of the entire nation. _{[Of course, now he's just the former DDR and the personification of the east in general, BUT THERE'S NO POINT IN MENTIONING THAT.]}

Strongest, most awesome nation ever, it's me. Don't lose your head, though. I know it must be hard to be talking to someone as great as me.

[alwaysimpure]

Dog. See? By the tenth time someone tells you your life story, the fictional thing becomes less debatable.

Ah, I know Arthur. If we're talking about the same bloke.

[And then this thread of conversation is abandoned as he tries to wrap his mind around that piece of information.]

Really? That's pretty wicked.

[He's not sure if he believes it. Gilbert seems to be, well. Bonkers.]

I thought Prussia became Germany.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

What do you think this place is, then? It's like... some sort of alternate universe thing. Fuck, we didn't get sucked into one of those wormhole things did we?

_{[He'd go on about Arthur, he really would. But you know what's better than talking about Arthur? Talking about himself.]}

Nah, man. I'm still here, aren't I? Germany is my little brother. I taught him everything he knows. Almost. You know how kids can be; you tell them one thing and then they do the opposite and fuck shit up. He's grown into a fineass man though, someone you can really be proud of. And it's all thanks to me.

[alwaysimpure]

Don't think it's wormhole. The only worms with magical properties I know of are flabberworms. And they are bloody boring.

[He's now decided that it doesn't even matter to him whether Prussia is an actually personification of a long gone country and crazy or just crazy. He can roll with it.]

Proud? Heh. Sounds like the opposite of my little brother.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

I meant the astral kind. Because we're obviously not from the same universe.

_{[That's good. Even if Gilbert was capable of changing his personality, to something slightly less off the wall, he wouldn't.]}

Of course! I have all the reason to! He just needs to learn to relax some, but he's getting there. _[Pause.] Why aren't you?

[alwaysimpure]

Different worlds? Seems surprisingly likely at this point.

[He knows 'astral'. He doesn't know astral wormholes. Wizard education system fails again.]

For one thing, my brother's dead.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

I can't come up with another explanation at this point.

_{[Oh. Well. That kind of killed the mood.]}

Oh. That sucks.

[alwaysimpure]

Could've been worse.

[He has issues where family is concerned. Back on track!]

So, what's it like, being a country? Impresses women, I'd think.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Being a country is pretty fucking awesome. I mean, I'm more or less around forever! That's fucking sweet. And of course they do-- women love to get a whole lot of Prussian in them!

[alwaysimpure]

I met some German witches once. They were scary, but fit.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Of course!! All of our women are tough as nails.

[alwaysimpure]

And what about the men?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

They're all kickass too!

[alwaysimpure]

What an honour to meet someone filled with such brilliance!

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Exactly! This is of the highest honour!

[alwaysimpure]

Let's grab a pint some time.

[Germans like beer, right? Even crazy ones? Especially crazy ones.]

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Of course! I'm for that any time!

_{[All the Germans love beer, especially this one. There's a reason why it's usually the second cheapest thing on the menus! Now he wants a beer though. A delicious (non-Bayrisch) German beer!]}

[alwaysimpure]

You know where the pub is?

[Ah, beautiful stereotypes.]

[kantstoppfantstopp]

_{[All the horrible stereotypes, he has them.]}

No! But I'm sure I can find it. I have this thing called Beerdar.

[alwaysimpure]

I have the utmost faith in you.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

As you should!

_{[Yeah, Gilbert is looking for that bar now. It can't be too hard to find.]}

[alwaysimpure]

I'll be waiting right here, mate.

[Getting started on beer.]

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Okay!!

_{[It takes a bit, but finally he bounds into the bar. Another few moments, and then he finds the person he's looking for! Hopefully. Maybe.]}

You! Are you Sirius Black? You are, right? As if I could make a mistake such as misidenification!