[Text]

[brotimaeus]

ya know what i miss?
fried food.
and i dont mean the shitty barely-passing-for-fried food were gettin here.
i mean the real grease-fried holy shit this could only be the lone star state gastronomic heaven/hell combo from back home.
fried butter.
chilli.
jalapeño corndog shrimps.
oh my holy christ you havent fuckin lived until youve tried texan food.
i mean that shit is amazing.
and the steak.
ive only found one place here to get a half decent steak its a motherfuckin travesty.
and i miss cornbread.
i dont reckon i ever ate enough cornbread.
if anyone can find me cornbread ill eat my hat.
except i wont eat my hat cause fuck that ill have cornbread.
aint no time for hat eating.
i might just be real fuckin grateful.

Comments

audio

[andsorcery]

How are you alive?

audio

[brotimaeus]

I'm Texan.

[Because that explains everything!]

Re: audio

[andsorcery]

So I've gathered. Is this actually some kind of endurance test where you come from? Only the gastrointestinally sound advance to adulthood?

audio

[brotimaeus]

Sure is. We call them cook-offs. You get to through it without your insides crawlin' up out of your throat in protest and you get your official man-badge at the end.

[geminated_man]

Fried butter? How in the fuck does that work?

[brotimaeus]

2oz of butter on a stick, dipped in batter, fried for three minutes.
ngl it kinda tastes like french toast.

[geminated_man]

[geminated_man]

That is the most ingenious thing I've ever heard in me fuckin' life, mate. Where can a bloke get himself one of them tasty little treats?

[kantstoppfantstopp]

You're one of those people who eat fried candy bars and make popsicles out of pickle juice, aren't you?

[brotimaeus]

i did that once.
dave didnt eat popsicles for three months after.
kids too fuckin trusting.

[kantstoppfantstopp]

Oh, that's cruel.
That's possibly worse than the time I took West's sugar rations ahd replaced it with salt. The cake that resulted from that was absolute shit.

[maiditoutalive]

ew

[brotimaeus]

blasphemy.
ok megido whats your idea of a good menu.

[maiditoutalive]

frosting

[Text]

[tookthename]

Now all I want is fair food. Have you tried fried cookie dough? It's the best.

I bet we could make some of this. We have kitchens and the ingredients can't be hard to find.

[Text]

[brotimaeus]

have i tried fried cookie dough.
why is this even a fuckin question of course i have.
lets do it.
lets make it happen.

[Text]

[tookthename]

Name the time and the place and I'll be there.

I really miss fried oreos. We have to try to make those as well.

[freezespirited]

You can't just get one of those deep friers and do it yourself?

[brotimaeus]

no, man.
no.
its not the SAME.
new fryers are too clean they dont get the taste right.
you cant just leave out the lingering aftertaste of the twelve years of fried morsels before and expect it to be satisfying.

[interlhoper]

Jalapeno corndog shrimps???
Christ on a cracker count me in!

[brotimaeus]

i knew i could count on you english.
you aint disappointed me yet.

[interlhoper]

Are those seriously a thing?
Because i have missed a lot of shit growing up on hellmurder island.

[thneed]

There really is a serious lack of cornbread. Maybe I can expand menus...

[brotimaeus]

oh shit.
are you serious.

[thneed]

I'm very serious when it comes to food.
We need that and fried green tomatoes and ribs.