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thoughtformed2013-07-14 10:05 pm
ihateyouetc) wrote in thoughtformed2013-07-14 10:05 pm
[WHO DOES A MIDNIGHT CHANNEL DURING A 4TH WALL EVENT? THIS IDIOT DOES. OOC ENTRY TO FOLLOW.]
Badlands.
Red liquid swells in gashes dug from black clay-dirt-rock, spilling a never-ending bleed down steep slopes like a system of veins, draining into what would have been an ocean if only the Creator hadn't gotten Turning Water Into Wine and This Wine Is My Blood so fervently wrong.
A happy accident: no one here should be drinking.
Cracked bridges spawn endless shadows over wasted land and bloody ocean, vanishing in haze and distance. Stately ruins loom against stale-blood sky, their presence clumped like metastasized growths that have been diseasing this world since the inception of its time – and maybe they have: beneath foundations and hidden in gouges of dark stone and brick, bright organs pulse to a universal heartbeat.
Fast – like the figure in the distance.
The video cuts closer as if made by a child who turned it off: too impatient to use zoom and too eager to scurry after the object of its filming, frightening it off before the camera turned back on to reveal a transition with poor seams. It focuses on a strip of blood slugging by, stirred more by the serrated terrain than stagnant wind.
But nothing fails to happen: something yelps.
It's followed by a splash like sploosh, thick as if something blundered into a puddle of half-congealed blood. The camera swivels to capture the source: some vague distance away, the form strains to right itself as if hindered by the weight of invisible burdens. With its head low, it sloshes out and scrambles on.
Like a shadow itself, a second figure streams across the screen in pursuit.
It doesn't fall like the first – but darkness does.
The screen is black but not silent: wet-flesh smacks on stone -- one, two-three, four, five, sixseveneight (twelve total if you count) -- accompanied by a final whumph! like the drop-dead of a spontaneous corpse. The film returns, leering down deep steps (twenty-four all in a row) embedded in craggy bad land, focused on the crumpled misery at the bottom.
Text lines the bottom of the screen in near-perfect agreement with a voice. The words say: "Did y9u seri9usly fall d9wn these stairs like y9u have a part time j96 as a 'c9at rack' at s9me shady esta6lishment? Well, d9esn't *that* just put the piss 9n the whiskers!"
Near-perfect because it leaves questions: how does one pronounce numbers? (One doesn't, but subtitles have been less accurate before.) What, exactly, puts the piss on the whiskers? (Nothing, one hopes.) What does that mean? (Less a subtitle issue and more a content problem.)
The speaker descends, camera focused at its back, becoming smaller with perspective. Its black-sleeved arms snap a shrug, aggressive to all who understand the unspoken language: What the fuck! The fallen figure gathers itself, building a posture wrecked like the aftermath of natural disasters.
Before the speaker reaches the bottom, it scampers from the stairs and vanishes behind a nearby column of bleeding bricks isolated among rubble.
"Dude. I can still see y9u."
The camera focuses on the column, turning from the figure beginning to peek from behind its hiding place, turning instead on the pursuant -- whose right hand wears a glove of blood, face flecked with small dots in the same color. The whites of its eyes are gold – but its irises are gray and its pupils are black.
Karkat scowls at himself and doesn't halt his approach.
Half-obscured by bricks, the figure's expression worries itself into petrified discomfort, staring with wide, solid gold eyes. Its tears have leaked diluted red trails down its gray skin.
It sniffles as he snaps, "D9n't w9rry a69ut em6arrassing me 9r anything! Just keep hiding and refusing t9 say a w9rd t9 me. Fuck-"
His body lurches. The subtitles read "Fffffffff!" as he hops crabwise, narrowly evading the nigh-invisible groove perfectly situated to ruin a cool advance -- and proceeds as if nothing happened. "We can d9 this all day. 9r night? I d9n't fucking kn9w. This place always l99ked the same t9 me."
The shadow voice is shaky and weak in odd places when it speaks – but the most striking contrast reads in the subtitles: "THAT'S THE THING. YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK."
Karkat stops. Discontent prostrates itself on his face, allowing all to see straight through its bowels and to its core emotion: seething contempt. "Are y9u d9ne."
"NO." His shadow shrinks back from the look. "BUT I WANT TO BE."
"Thank y9u f9r that meaningful ret9rt!" Karkat waves his bloody hand in a gesture to indicate, yes, that statement truly was the best All Creation had to offer. "Y9u t9ld me everything I needed t9 kn9w. With9ut *that* shining example 9f what every9ne sh9uld say in resp9nse t9 a simple questi9n, where w9uld I 6e? 9h, wait. I w9uldn't fucking 6e here!"
It winces. "WELL... ARE YOU DONE?"
Karkat's mouth parts, as if stunned by the genius drooling from his counterpart. "Damn, this guy kn9ws what 'fuck' is 'up'!" His hand swings another meaningless gesture of annoyance. "N9w *that* is the swankest m9therfucking c9me6ack I ever heard, pr96a6ly 6ecause y9u ripped it fr9m me!" As quickly as the flurry of flapping had begun, his arm drops to his sides, glare narrowing in murderous focus. "T9 reply t9 y9ur inquiry with an actual answer 6ecause I'm n9t a fucking prat wh9 has n9 idea h9w t9 answer questi9ns: Hell n9, I'm n9t d9ne yet." He takes a step closer, as if that proves it, and points. "D9 y9u have any idea h9w l9ng I've waited t9 get me face t9 face? And then when I finally d9? L99k at y9u, all y9u've d9ne is run and cry! Y9u've 6een running away like I'm Gamzee c9vered in 6l99d, carrying a clu6 9r s9mething. D9 I l99k like Gamzee?" His finger changes direction, pointing at himself. "N9, I d9n't, thanks f9r n9t n9ticing. F9r fuck's sake, I d9n't even think any 9f this is real 6l99d."
The shadow disappears. No footsteps to indicate hasty retreat; no audible crying – but maybe before its face ducks completely out of sight one can see the golden glaze of its eyes wet with the red stain of its tears.
Karkat exhales irritation in the form of a sigh. He checks left, right, and as an afterthought, looks overhead.
Then the subtitles change.
"Look."
[ I get it. I mean, I kn9w this isn't easy, 96vi9usly. ]"I just expected something different."
[ Y9u're n9t even fighting with me. ]"Maybe nasty like all the other mes I've talked to?"
[ Y9u're making this weird. ]"At least they acted like I was worth the proper fucking attention."
[ Wait, I didn't mean it t9 s9und like that. ]"But you won't yell at me. You won't even give it the minimum effort required to constitute the weakest 'try'! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"
[ I c9uldn't instigate s9mething 6lack if I tried. ]The shadow leans to stare from behind the pillar. Its eyelids are low as it stares at its troll. Blandly, "Yes."
[ MOTHERFUCKER, ARE YOU STUPID? STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. ]"So why aren't you like the others?" Karkat moves even closer, but stops at respectful distance. (He knows how much he hates being crowded.) "The shadows? I thought the whole point was to out yourself in front of an audience you can't see until you've divulged your deep dark secrets that are only embarrassing for how completely bland and normal they are and do it in the most human ham-fisted way possible, but you haven't said shit."
[ What d9 y9u mean "St9p"? I'm n9t saying I w9uld. I'm just saying I c9uldn't. ]The shadow looks away, reluctant to maintain eye-contact. "What they were hiding was different."
[ YOU'RE DISTRACTING YOURSELF FROM THE ISSUE. AND PLEASE, ARE YOU KIDDING RIGHT NOW? SOUJI EXPLAINED THIS SO MANY TIMES. ]"That doesn't explain why you won't come out and fight me like a man."
[ Let's just get it 9ver with. Are y9u a man 9r a tunic, Karkat? Y9u can't 6e 69th and I think y9u're a tunic. ]"I don't want to fight you. That's why."
[ DID I JUST CALL MYSELF A TUNIC. ]"Fuck you. You get out from behind there and fight me right this instant!"
[ A shitty little tunic w9rn 6y itty 6itty human 6a6ies wh9 excrete sadness like pitiful little shit fact9ries. ]"No!"
[ THIS IS SO STUPID. ]Karkat's head tips like a dumb dog's. "Okay," he decides. "That's a good start."
[ That's defiant, I guess? ]"Stop."
[ THIS IS SO, SO VERY STUPID. ]"Whatever. If you won't 'dish' the 'shit' on me, I'll do it myself. That's a human phrase, by the way, and it means to 'serve' like 'on a platter.' "
[ A69ut the wh9le hate thing- ]"I know that! I know what those words mean!"
[ YOU KNOW EVERYONE CAN SEE THIS, RIGHT? THESE WORDS ARE LITERALLY ON THEIR SCREENS. I'M SURE IT'S KINDA DISTRACTING SINCE WE'RE TALKING AT THE SAME TIME. THE WHOLE THING IS LIKE A BAD SUBTITLED MOVIE IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE WHERE A WHOLE LINE OF DIALOGUE IS INDICATED WITH ONLY AN "I." EXCEPT HERE IT'S THE OPPOSITE PROBABLY. ]Karkat ignores himself. "Remember the time with Jade?"
[ Y9u kn9w. ]The shadow's eyes widen. Spilled ink has nothing on the fluidity with which it moves as it closes the distance between itself and Karkat. It wears blood like an apron from its previous dive and its hands flail like a massacre. "Noooo no, no, nonononono!"
[ OH GOD. ]"The second iteration--" Karkat sways back, dodging the mess swiping at his mouth. "--you tried to kiss her! You thought you were suave as shit!"
[ 6rief interrupti9n t9 this crucially imp9rtant sec9nd c9nversati9n! What I just said? That's literal. ]In a fit of frustration, the shadow squeaks a furious noise, taking steps back for distance while it slaps its hands on its face. Without remorse, Karkat presses on: "And do you know what you said after she asked you if you tried to kiss her?"
[ 6ut 6ack t9 the matter at hand-]"No, no, no--" is what its reply would have been if what came out wasn't more like: "No," slap "No," slap, and "No!" with the final slap resting on its face as it shakes its head.
[ STUPID. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID- ]"EXACTLY!" Karkat's eyes are fierce with feverish triumph; mouth wide with his declaration, the inside full of saw-teeth. The intensity fades, then he amends, "I mean you said 'what' and then 'no' once, like the 'what' added some additional legitimacy to your shitty lie, but overall that was exactly it."
[ Just answer the questi9n. D9n't act like y9u d9n't kn9w what it is. ]The shadow resumes hitting itself, disturbing the blood now resting on its face like a handprint mask. One slap, two slap, red slap, redder slap-
[ WHY DOES THIS SEEM SO FAMILIAR? ]Karkat stares.
[ What. ][ THE SLAPPING THOUGHT. ][ What, a69ut the fish? The red and 6lue 9nes? Except all red in this case. ][ OH YEAH. HOW COULD I FORGET THAT? HE SAID A LOT ABOUT FISH. ][ I still think he has a pr96lem. Like, I dunn9, 6ut... ][ WHO CARES RIGHT NOW. ANYWAY I'M NOT ANSWERING THE ONE QUESTION BECAUSE I CAN'T. I DON'T KNOW IF IT COUNTS! THERE, HAPPY!!!!!! I ANSWERED IT FOR YOU. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU NOW KNOW EXACTLY AS MUCH AS YOU DID IN THE BEGINNING -- WHICH HAPPENS TO BE THE SAME AS I KNOW! ][ 9k, then I think we need t9 c9nsider this. ]Bright gold eyes fill with frustrated tears as the shadow digs its blood-covered fingers into its hair and twists its hands while it grinds its teeth. It shrieks, voice higher than intended: "You are completely missing the point! You don't even see how much of an idiot we're being right now, you just want to fight!"
[ THIS IS GETTING OLD. JUST ASSAULT ME ALREADY. ]Karkat's mouth tilts, gaze angling to stare somewhere else.
[ I can't. ]His failed adversary wipes its glittering eyes (wiping with messy hands isn't much better), watching him with careful ferocity. "Do you suppose you don't hate yourself as much as you'd like to believe?"
[ DAMMIT, I'M DONE. I'M NOT DANCING AROUND THIS ANYMORE LIKE SOME RIDICULOUS PERFORMANCE PUT ON BY HUMANS IN SHORT FRILLY TUBES, TINY SHOES, AND FULL BODIED SUITS THAT LEAVE NONE OF THEIR DUBIOUS ANATOMY TO IMAGINATION. ]"What?" Panicked, Karkat barks, "No, no!" But fails to maintain eye-contact and looks away. "Of course I like me. Just because I fucking hate you doesn't mean I don't like me."
The double-conversation comes to perfect harmony, everything about the shadow reading nothing but cold dead WHAT.
"Yeah," says Karkat, whose conviction mostly sounds confused. "The truth fucking hurts."
[ Wait. 6ef9re we finish this just hear me 9ut. ]The shadow stares. "Did you hear what you said?"
[ . ]"Look, who cares. Are you mad yet?"
[ I think this c9uld have a chance. Y9u're nicer than the 9ther mes? 6ut it's really frustrating, s9... ]"This is so stupid. We could've been done hours ago, but no! We have to drag this out in front of everyone -- yes, everyone!" Karkat tilts his head to face the shadow, almost as if he's paying attention. It continues: "I told you they could see us but you didn't listen to me, so don't even try to act like I didn't tell you. You even know exactly how this is going to go! You're going to waste everyone's time like an asshole--"
"Yes, keep insulting me!"
[ WHY ARE WE THE WAY WE ARE. ]"--and if they're smart, which they're not, they'd leave us here to fade into our own misery since you wouldn't know a god damn fact if it slapped you in the face--" [ 9k fair. That's true. G9 9n. ] "--and if you keep us here long enough we're all going to die anyway, so why not just do it ourselves instead of dragging everyone else down with us!"
[ WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS! I'M NOT ACKNOWLEDGING YET ANOTHER POINTLESS TANGENT MEANT TO DISTRACT US FROM THE ENTIRE REASON WE'RE HERE! WHICH ISN'T RELATED TO ANYTHING YOU'RE TRYING TO PUSH RIGHT NOW, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING. ]Karkat's expression darkens to grim, one half of his mouth curling into a sneer.
[ C9me t9 think 9f it, I d9n't even kn9w where the entrance is. ]His copy stops, mouth twitching with words it doesn't say. Its brows twist into sadness, jaw clenched. Its eyes swell with red tears and it shakes its head, lifting its hands to wipe them away as if denying they exist -- until it starts to shiver. Karkat watches it bury its face in its hands and sink to a bundle on the ground, body shaking with sobs that make no sound.
He manages to say: "Uh."
[ Dude. ][ IT'S MY FAULT. ][ What? ][ THIS ISN'T SOME STUPID HUMAN ANIME. I CAN'T "BELIEVE IN THE ASSHOLE WHO BELIEVES IN ME." THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. IF I CAN'T BELIEVE IN ME THEN WHY SHOULD ANYONE ELSE? ]Karkat rolls his eyes to the sky, as if trying to will it to fall and crush this idiocy. "Oookay..."
[ . ]"...just take your time."
It seems to have no problem doing that.
[ Well, this is awkward. ]"Deep breaths, like from the 'stomach.' Or cup your hands in front of your face?"
[ May6e like with Aradia's paper 6ag? ]The shadow makes soft noises of sadness, cupping its hands close to its face. Moments pass before its body jolts.
Karkat squints, looking ill at ease. "Did you just..."
[ HIC. ][ Did I just cry myself int9 hiccups? ]"God. Everything about you is specially tailored to make everyone who looks at you feel awkward and uncomfortable. You're worse than Souji's knee-touching, like the kind of guest people get rid of by saying 'Hey buddy! I've got to go drop a load, be back never!' and then they hurry to the ablution trap to drown themselves so they never have to look at your miserable visage again."
[ HIC. ]"Okay, I get it. I cry all the time. Add that to the growing list of startling revelations that don't need to be revealed because it's so fucking obvious practically everybody knows. I didn't need to come here to know that."
When it looks at Karkat – who looks away -- its eyes are dripping.
Karkat grinds his teeth.
It says, "I don't want to die."
[ HIC. ]"Awesome. Me neither. Who cares?"
It speaks, but the words are too faint to catch.
Subtitles fail to appear.
Karkat's attention snaps back, words infused with a low growl. "Okay, you know what? We were getting along just fine until you said that. Fuck you for that, and furthermore, fuck me for trying to be decent to you while you had a pointless meltdown in front of me, thinking you'd finally given up on trying to schoolfeed me my own emotions!"
It looks up.
This time, at least, they're looking at each other. "I know how I feel -- and what I feel is seething enmity, plain and simple! You are such a fucking tool, but you're not just any tool -- you're the most defunct one in the utility box. The one nobody knows why it exists in the first place. What does it even do? Did it ever have instructions? Probably not, because I bet nobody fucking bothered to write them. The story of our life, actually! I am literally beside myself in awe you thought that was a good thing to say to me, but whatever! Keep trying to trick me into saying I'm fine with who I am when I hate everything we are."
A smile passes over the shadow's mouth. It isn't pleasant -- but only because it's weak, sick like the shape one might take after many years of forgetting how to exist. "We aren't that bad."
Karkat's mouth becomes a sullen down-turned curve. "We killed our friends."
"Our friends killed our friends. Don't be stubborn."
"So what? If we didn't make shitty decisions it wouldn't have happened. Our life has been genetically engineered for failure and each time we fuck up, we look back on our most recent catastrophe, exclaiming 'Great googly moogly! That was a fuck of a whopper! How can we possibly shit on everything and make it nastier this time? Oh man, I've got a great idea!' "
"We won."
"That wasn't winning. That was failing so they had a chance to fix what we fucked up."
"But-"
Welcome to the participation portion of this program!]
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who is this helping
THESE ARE SOME WORDS FROM THE HALF THAT CLAIMED HE DIDN'T CARE.
It s9unds like he res9lved it and w9n't have a fucking thirty s9mething page j96 hist9ry listed 9n whatever human j96 applicati9n he c9mpletes.
If y9u ask me, that s9unds pretty helpful.
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yeah that was solid advice man
im sure hell find something
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
The j96 thing I feel like is s9mething s9me69dy can 6e pr9ud 9f given the circumstances???
Like, the 9ne g99d thing in a situati9n 9therwise inundated with 6ullshit.
The fanficti9n d9esn't really 69ther me since it's n9t hurting anything th9ugh.
F9r a sec9nd I was w9rried Nepeta might have written s9mething since that w9uld kinda imply she still has an interest in me even if she's 6een dead f9r a while.
Like if any69dy 9ther than Equius wanted t9 write that shit that's fine, 6ut I d9n't want t9 hear a69ut it.
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youve got like
a harem of dead troll girls
you could star in your own anime at this point
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INOPPORTUNE ALPHA TIMELINE MEMORIES AND A WALL OF TEXT.
I'm n9t like S9uji. S9uji is way less hatea6le than I am.
There were a t9n 9f pe9ple wh9 weren't interested in me.
Nathan says this shit t99 and usually I might try t9 like, I dunn9, play it up t9 pretend like I'm actually h9t shit?
6ut given the p9siti9n I'm in I'm n9t really feeling up t9 that right n9w.
Aradia wasn't interested in me at all. Tavr9s 9nly seems capa6le 9f liking pe9ple wh9 are inherently fucked up 9r damaged in ways w9rse than me. S9llux wasn't either. He was my 6est friend.
Nepeta was and I tried t9 av9id it since I didn't want t9 hurt her feelings. Kanaya wasn't. She's just my really g99d friend. Terezi was 6ut I fucked that up as we all kn9w. Vriska flirts with me 6ut I think that's m9re 6ecause she's 96n9xi9us as fuck rather than actually anything t9 d9 with me.
Equius is disgusting and w9uld pr96a6ly fucking l9ve it if I 9rdered him t9 t9uch me s9 we'll g9 ahead and give that 9ne a chilling "Yeah, definitely, since he gets 9ff 9n the shit I say already."
I d9n't even want t9 think a69ut Gamzee like that s9 let's skip that th9ught.
Eridan kinda hit 9n every69dy s9 it wasn't a 6ig deal. It wasn't until we g9t here I suspected he started t9 devel9p a sincere interest 6ey9nd superficial 6ullshit and I feel kinda 6ad a69ut it, especially since Feferi isn't here anym9re. Feferi wasn't interested in me at all.
The wh9le thing with Meenah's just unf9rtunate and I feel kinda 6ad a69ut it. I dunn9, I might have given it a chance if things didn't turn 9ut the way they turned 9ut n9w? It's kinda weird thinking a69ut that th9ugh, c9nsidering wh9 she was in my iterati9n 9f the universe.
The 9ne that l99ks like Kanaya said s9mething t9 me t99 6ut I think she was just 6eing nice.
The 9ther Serket? Pr96a6ly n9t. I mean we c9uld pr96a6ly talk a l9t a69ut really, really interesting stuff 6ut that w9uld 6e the highly esteemed relati9nship shared 6etween tw9 pe9ple in an intellectual pursuit.
There were tw9 guys named Carl9s I think? 9ne 9f them just kept making fucking weird gestures at me s9 wh9 kn9ws what the fuck that was a69ut 6ut the 9ther 9ne kept trying t9 talk t9 me and I t9ld him t9 fuck 9ff.
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about half of everybody you know
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May6e slightly under half?
That seems like a fair estimate.
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It's n9t like I try t9 figure it 9ut.