attn bloodsuckers

[callbacks]

this is dave striders guide to polite dining

one
please and thank you are your friends
your friends are also your friends
bear that in mind when you try to eat them

two
clean up after yourselves
believe me your meal is not gonna just wipe itself off when youre done so have a little civic decency please and byob
bring your own bandaids
the superhero ones work best thats a scientific fact

three
whoevers spreading the rumor that i passed out in gym class yesterday is a dirty fuckin liar and should be ashamed of themselves
that was a completely intentional premeditated nap
falling down was part of the plan
but if anyone could lend me a copy of their english and history notes id appreciate it

Comments

[callbacks]

oh man
they totally do say that and i totally can
though come on you know you dont really need to bribe me with food to come over anymore
were friends
when should i head over

[librariansheart]

Why Master Strider, how sweet of you to say so. My afternoon and evening is very open, and you know my door's always open for you. I'll just make sure there's something for you, though. Red meat? Isn't that supposed to be the best for anemia? As soon as you can, without anyone getting angry at you, okay?

[callbacks]

ill be right there
well not like RIGHT there right there
ive been told to cool it on the time loops until i finish regenerating the like five pints of blood or whatever im missing
but i dont have any immediate plans so ill get going
want me to grab anything on my way

[librariansheart]

Whenever you can, honestly, is just fine with me, I promise. Don't strain yourself!

Oh, goodness, no, I bought enough steak yesterday to probably assemble a whole cow. I'm sure Gwen won't mind if I make you some.

[callbacks]

oh its for your roommate??
i mean i wouldnt want to impose
thats a lot of meat though are you guys having a halloween barbecue

[librariansheart]

You're not imposing, I promise! I was a bit overzealous, I think... she needs red meat right now and I sort of panicked at the grocery store. It's all right, really!

Oh, actually.... If you wouldn't mind... I, ah, I'm out of apple juice. I'll pay you back when you get here if you get some on the way! If it's not too much trouble.

[callbacks]

damn girl ill always champion the aj cause no sweat
did your roommate get bitten too

[librariansheart]

Thank you! I'd be very grateful. But if you fall over on the way here for lack of rest, I'll be very cross, so take whatever breaks you need!

[Private]
Ah... a dog got her arm. But she's been very good about it, I promise. You won't have to worry about her trying to bite you.

[callbacks]

i might swing by bros place first
apparently he played hooky today so im going to make sure he hasnt bitten off anything he cant chew but then ill be right over

[Private]
poor girl
i think i saw her around the network
ill bring her something too

[librariansheart]

Oh... Of course. He sounded just fine earlier, if a bit exasperated. Though it was sort of implied... hm. He would probably be really happy to see you up and about again.

[Private]
Thank you... I'm sure she'd love that. She's been frightened, even with Rook spending so much time with her, and he's the biggest lap dog I've ever met.

[callbacks]

the fact that he hasnt been over since yesterday to nurse me with puppets to the face has me kind of nervous
i mean im sure hes ok
but there are levels of ok

[Private]
well im no clifford but ill do my best
ive got some experience with a certain blend of sweet girls and rowdy canines at least

This is very important. Does she need to fly somewhere and get puppets?

[librariansheart]

Puppets? ...do you need puppets to feel better?

no no no

[callbacks]

no no no
no
im good
thats just one of many inexplicable bro things what bro does
weve tried but theres no cure for it

You sure? If you need a puppet nest, Dave, she will do her level best.

[librariansheart]

Oh... Well... if you say so. You'll bring me the news when you come over, right? If he needs some raw meat too, I'm sure we can provide. Or hugs. I'm very good at hugs, actually.

no hes very sure

[callbacks]

i bet you are
and yeah of course ill keep you posted
i know you guys are friends
see you soon then

[Action]

[librariansheart]

[Talking to the Once-ler had been a complete failure and had left her restless and upset, so it was no hardship to give herself something to do while she waited. By the time her guest arrived she had two pies - one meat and vegetables, and one pecan - nearing completion, a large plate of cookies on the coffee table, and was considering the enormous slab of steak on her cutting board with a contemplative frown. Cooking it just seemed wasteful. All that blood ruined. But humans didn't tend to like raw meat, and meat cooked quickly. Maybe she should wait till he arrived.]