thoughtformed | PRETEND I POSTED THIS 10/18/12 BECAUSE I MEANT TO AND I FORGOT.

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PRETEND I POSTED THIS 10/18/12 BECAUSE I MEANT TO AND I FORGOT.

OK, OK.
I KNOW THE OTHER NAMES I PICKED WERE KIND OF STUPID.
ESPECIALLY TROLL SARAH JESSICA PARKER.
I MEAN HOLY SHIT.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING???
WHY DID I HAVE AN OPINION ON HER AND SARAH JESSICA PARKER?
I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HER.
I'M NOT GOING TO INSULT HER OR ANYTHING BUT I THINK I WAS JUST BEING CONTRARY.
ANYWAY I KNOW YOU STOPPED LISTENING TO ME BUT HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE.
I THINK I'VE GOT IT THIS TIME.
WHAT ABOUT DREW BARRYMORE.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I DON'T SEE WHERE YOU'RE GETTING THIS "WE SAY THE SAME THING" BULLSHIT EITHER.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM SAY ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO ANYTHING I'VE SAID.
WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY MUTUAL INTERESTS OUTSIDE OF THIS PROJECT.
ONCE THIS IS OVER, I'M FUCKING DONE WITH HIM.

yeah, that's what i said.
auspispistice.

i don't even use the :B face, dumbass.
your impression is getting shittier, therefor YOUR argument is invalid.
ha!!!

yes.
yes, absolutely.
i am the one who can't stay on topic, it is me.

i know you would never be an inconsiderate asshole like that, ok.
it's just that things have been new and weird enough for me without having the added bonus of being from a culture that does the whole dating thing totally differently, so i felt like i should say something.

remember when jade was a troll for a while?
i don't know why i brought that up.
i just remembered.

yeah, there is a huge difference between being completely insufferable and kind of insufferable.
but speaking of huge douchebags: fuck you right back.
you and dave are totally friends!
it is obvious to everyone with eyes.
and i have four of them, so i think you can take my word for it.

maybe i should make this into a "choose your own adventure" book so you can understand what a friendly gesture dave made.
here we go.

karkat is overly tired and freaking the fuck out at himself for no reason.
what will you (dave strider, esquire) do?
> try to force him to go to sleep (page 4).
> bring him a fancy coffee drink (page 13).

> try to force him to go to sleep.
you attempt to coerce the wild troll into sleeping.
he yells at you for 20 consecutive minutes, tries to chew your cape off and eventually stays up for two weeks straight just to spite you.
you lose.
restart?

> bring him a fancy coffee drink.
you buy one of those foofy drinks that has more sugar than caffeine and is honestly way too sweet.
you give it to the wild troll in hopes that it will raise his energy levels past "have meltdowns in the general direction of the once-ler" territory.
you succeed.
good job! turn to page 27.

see?
he wasn't sabotaging you.
he was being nice.
weirdly nice for a guy who totally isn't your friend at all, right?

but what do i know.

GOD DAMMIT JOHN, WE ARE GOING TO NEED AN AUSPISTICE IF YOU KEEP FUCKING THAT UP.

LET ME PUT THIS FACT OUT HERE WHERE WE BOTH CAN SEE IT.
NOT THAT THIS FACT IS INDECENT AND NOT PRESENTABLE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
IT'S JUST PRESENTING IT TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC WOULD KIND OF DEFEAT THE PURPOSE OF EVERYTHING.
ANYWAY, IMAGINE IT'S A FACT INSIDE A BOX, LIKE [FACT].
THE PARENTHETICAL MANDIBLES ARE THE BOX.
NOW IMAGINE I'M GIVING IT TO YOU LIKE A GIFT.
OH MAN! WHAT'S INSIDE IT, YOU ASK???
OHHHHH SHIT LOOK OUT, A REVELATION!!!
\FACT/
AS YOU CAN SEE THE FACT HAS NOW OPENED UP AT THE TOP,
OR MAYBE THE SIDES HAVE SPROUTED APPENDAGES WHICH THEY TOSS TO THE SKY AS IF PRONOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF THE MOST VERIFIABLE TRUTH YOU WILL EVER ENCOUNTER IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

THE FACT SAYS: HEY, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU, DIPSHIT.
:B JUST LOOK AT IT. :B
YOU COULD BE HUMAN-RELATED TO THIS ASCII FACE.
OHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT.
NOW WHAT?

OK, THAT WAS STUPID.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT I WAS GOING FOR THERE SO I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE IT AT THAT.
BUT ABOUT THE OTHER STUFF YOU JUST SAID.

THANKS.

HONESTLY, ASIDE FROM THE IMPOSSIBLE BOREDOM AND SUPREME STAGNATION THIS PLACE PROMOTES BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING ISLAND AND WE CAN'T ACTUALLY GO ANYWHERE, IT'S NOT THAT BAD HERE.
IT MAKES ME THINK YOUR ITERATION OF THE HUMAN EARTH PROBABLY WASN'T THAT BAD EITHER.
I STILL THINK ALTERNIA WAS BETTER EVEN WITH ALL THE PROBLEMS IT HAD.
IT'D BE GREAT IF IT WAS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE IN SOME VERSION OF SOME MAGICALLY UNMOLESTED UNIVERSE WHERE WE COULD FIND A WAY BACK.
BUT IF THAT WAS AN OPEN OPTION RIGHT NOW, I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE IT.
I MEAN FOR ONE I DOUBT YOU'D GO BECAUSE HEY, NO HUMANS EXCEPT YOUR FRIENDS WHO PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT TO GO EITHER FOR THE REST OF FOREVER.
TWO, IT'D PROBABLY GET OLD PRETTY FAST FOR HUMANS TO LIVE ON A PLANET WHERE EVERYTHING WANTS THEM DEAD INCLUDING THE LOCAL SENTIENT RACE.
AND THREE, YOU'D BE MISERABLE ANYWAY.

I'M NOT SAYING YOU FEEL THIS WAY,
BUT I WANT TO SAY DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE CULTURAL ADAPTATION THING.
I'M PROBABLY TAKING IT BETTER THAN ANY OF THEM ARE WITH THE EXCEPTION OF TAVROS.
I THINK HE'S TOO BROKEN TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MOST THINGS.

YEAH, I REMEMBER.
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK TO HER.

OK, NOW I'LL ADDRESS THE REST OF THIS SHIT.
GIVEN ALL OF WHAT I JUST READ HERE, I CAN SAFELY SAY YOU KNOW JACK SHIT.
WE AREN'T FUCKING FRIENDS.
THIS "CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE" BOOK IS BULLSHIT. THE FACTS AREN'T EVEN RIGHT.
I WOULDN'T YELL FOR 20 CONSECUTIVE MINUTES. I WOULDN'T TRY TO CHEW HIS CAPE OFF EITHER.
I MIGHT JUST PUNCTURE IT A LITTLE BUT OVERALL IT WOULD TAKE A LOT OF TIME TO ACTUALLY CHEW THROUGH IT.
THE REASON IS WHATEVER YOUR GOD TIER FRIPPERY IS MADE FROM, IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO RUIN.

WHAT THE UNMITIGATED FUCK.

WHY DO I KNOW THAT????????????

PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THAT'S SOMETHING I JUST REMEMBERED FROM THE ALPHA TIMELINE.
PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THAT'S SOMETHING I JUST REMEMBERED FROM THE ALPHA TIMELINE.

[ OK DONE WITH THIS PRIVATE DISASTER. ]

[ can we please stop privately comparing private sizes ]

[ seriously, there is something wrong with you. let's discuss it IN PRIVATE ]

[ you have a private problem ]

[ ok this is the only part that should actually be private really ]

[ IT REMAINS PRIVATE ]

[ the rest of this is just private for your benefit. idiot. ]

[ privately privating privateers ]

[ choose your own private adventure winkwonk ]

[ oh my god it's still private ok leave me alone LET ME DIE ]

[ john has a lot of private time on his hands ]

[ nearly done with this disaster of unmitigated privacy proportions ]

[ done, privately done, sooooo super privately done ]

[ 1/WOW, I THINK YOU NEED A PRIVATE TIME OUT. ]

[ SO THIS BOX I HAVE IS PRETTY PRIVATE. WHAT?? NO I'M NOT HOLDING IT AT WAIST LEVEL, WHY. ]

[ ROW ROW ROW YOUR PRIVATE GENTLY DOWN THE WHAT. ]

[ EMBARRASSED BY A PREVIOUS PITIFUL PRIVATE IN PRIVATE. ]

[ PRIVATE AS FUCK. ]

[ MARY HAD A LITTLE PRIVATE AND IT WAS SHROUDED BY SECRECY AND ALSO MYSTERY. ]

[ h9n9r PRIVATE ]

[ JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME PRIVATELY, IT WORKED OUT BETTER THIS WAY. ]

[ IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE PRIVATE. ]

[ WOW, FANTASTIC PRIVATE! ]

[ PRIVATE MEMORIES PROBABLY. ]

[ PRIVATE PROBLEMS IN THIS PRIVATE MESSAGE. ]