thoughtformed | PRETEND I POSTED THIS 10/18/12 BECAUSE I MEANT TO AND I FORGOT.

anyway!!!
i hate to break it to you dude, but you and dave are actually getting along pretty well.
it could be time to accept that the disease has hit you too.
don't worry, i think it's funny.
rose does too.
sometimes you guys say the exact same thing, just in varying degrees of asshole jerk-ese.

AUSPISTICE.
AS IN YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH AN AUSPISTICISM, YOU'RE AUSPISTICIZING, OR YOU'VE BEEN THE HAPLESS VICTIM OF NON-CONSENSUAL AUSPISTICIZATION.

UH, THAT MAKES IT SOUND WORSE THAN IT IS.

Edited (PRIVATES IN PRIVATE.) 2012-10-22 22:46 (UTC)

IT'S NOT BAD THOUGH.
IN FACT, IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY BENEFICIAL.
IN SOME CASES AN AUSPISTICE CAN'T REALLY ASK. THEY JUST KIND OF DO IT.
BUT I'M GETTING AWAY FROM THE POINT.

I'M NOT BUYING THE FACT YOU THINK YOU COULD SPELL MOIRAIL RIGHT WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT, SO I'LL JUST SAY GOOD JOB ON GETTING MATESPRIT RIGHT.
2/4 ISN'T A PASSING SCORE BY ANY STRETCH, BUT AT LEAST IT ISN'T AN UNEQUIVOCAL FAILURE!

UH OH, DON'T LOOK NOW.
IT'S TIME FOR A STAGGERINGLY STELLAR IMPRESSION OF JOHN.
BLAH BLAH BLAH, MY NAME IS JOHN EGBERT.
SHIT, I FORGOT THE :B AGAIN.
:B
THERE. I DID IT TWICE.
:B
THREE TIMES FOR GOOD MEASURE. THAT'S A FUCK TON OF AUTHENTICITY RIGHT THERE.
ANYWAY, I'M JOHN. I DIDN'T DIE WHEN I WENT INTO THE TELEVISION SET AND THERE WERE A LOT OF TIMES WHEN I COULD HAVE!
SO REALLY IT SHOULD STAND TO REASON I WAS NEVER OBSESSED WITH DYING IN RIDICULOUS WAYS EVEN THOUGH MY PERSONAL TERMINATION SHEET,
WHICH IS KIND OF A RAP SHEET FOR DYING THAT KARKAT MADE UP JUST NOW SO IT'S NOT THE PINNACLE OF CREATIVITY SO SHUT UP LET ME GET TO THE POINT,
SAYS HISTORICALLY I'VE BEEN KIND OF BAD AT NOT DYING.
YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID BECAUSE LOOK AT THESE WORDS. WORDS!!!!!!!!

OH SHIT. CAN'T ARGUE THAT.
YOU SURE DO HAVE WORDS!

I'M GETTING PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.
IT'S LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING CARBON COPY, SO GENUINE IT WAS ALMOST LIKE TALKING TO YOU IF YOU TYPED IN CAPITALS, YELLED A LOT, AND ACTUALLY WON ARGUMENTS.

GIVING YOU SHIT ASIDE, I GUESS I SHOULD SAY I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT.
THE NOT DYING THING. NOT THE THING WHERE YOU JUST TOLD ME NOT TO SAY ANYTHING WITHOUT A RAMBLING EXPLANATION BEHIND IT.
FOR THAT I HAVE TO SAY: FUUUCK THAT. IF ANYONE RAMBLES HERE IT'S YOU.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO STAY ON TOPIC OR STICK TO A POINT, SO IT'S NO SURPRISE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.

WE'RE STILL PRETTY DIFFERENT.
HUMANS BEING CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING AND HANDLING ONE OUT OF FOUR QUADRANTS DOESN'T CHANGE MUCH.
IT JUST MEANS THERE'S ACTUALLY SOME HOPE FOR YOU.

AND THE NOT HATE DATING THING ISN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
WHAT KIND OF INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE WOULD I HAVE TO BE IF I DECIDED I WANTED TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A HUMAN AND COMPLETELY DISREGARDED THEIR UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE AND SINGLEMINDEDLY FOLLOWED MY IDEA OF WHAT RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE WITHOUT ANY REGARD TO HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT THE MATTER?
THAT'S NOT HOW ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WORKS.
NO ONE IS GOING TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.
IF YOU WERE A TROLL IT MIGHT BE DIFFERENT.
WHO KNOWS. YOU'D PROBABLY BE A FUCKING WEIRD TROLL.
BUT WITH HUMANS, EVEN IF OUR WAY IS SUPERIOR, IT'D BE KIND OF SHITTY TO DO THAT.

ERIDAN'S GOTTEN BETTER.
KIND OF.
BEFORE HE WAS COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE BUT NOW HE'S JUST KIND OF INSUFFERABLE.
SO FAR HE AND SOLLUX HAVEN'T STARTED PHYSICALLY FIGHTING EACH OTHER YET, SO HE'S SHOWING SOME RESTRAINT.
ACTUALLY, SOLLUX IS DOING REALLY WELL TOO.
I'M NOT GOING TO TELL HIM THAT THOUGH.

PSA REGARDING STRIDER: FUCK YOU.
THERE IS NO WAY I'D BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO IS THAT MUCH OF AN INTOLERABLE JACKASS.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, HOW DOES GIVING SOMEONE A PRETENTIOUS CAFFEINATED BEVERAGE ACTUALLY HELP THEM WITH THEIR NOT-SLEEPING PROBLEM???
IT DOESN'T! IT JUST KEEPS THEM AWAKE LONGER.
THAT'S BASICALLY SABOTAGE AND ACTIVELY MAKING IT WORSE.
GOOD THING I DON'T GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE I'M NOT ACTUALLY TIRED!

I DON'T SEE WHERE YOU'RE GETTING THIS "WE SAY THE SAME THING" BULLSHIT EITHER.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM SAY ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE TO ANYTHING I'VE SAID.
WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY MUTUAL INTERESTS OUTSIDE OF THIS PROJECT.
ONCE THIS IS OVER, I'M FUCKING DONE WITH HIM.

yeah, that's what i said.
auspispistice.

i don't even use the :B face, dumbass.
your impression is getting shittier, therefor YOUR argument is invalid.
ha!!!

yes.
yes, absolutely.
i am the one who can't stay on topic, it is me.

i know you would never be an inconsiderate asshole like that, ok.
it's just that things have been new and weird enough for me without having the added bonus of being from a culture that does the whole dating thing totally differently, so i felt like i should say something.

remember when jade was a troll for a while?
i don't know why i brought that up.
i just remembered.

yeah, there is a huge difference between being completely insufferable and kind of insufferable.
but speaking of huge douchebags: fuck you right back.
you and dave are totally friends!
it is obvious to everyone with eyes.
and i have four of them, so i think you can take my word for it.

maybe i should make this into a "choose your own adventure" book so you can understand what a friendly gesture dave made.
here we go.

karkat is overly tired and freaking the fuck out at himself for no reason.
what will you (dave strider, esquire) do?
> try to force him to go to sleep (page 4).
> bring him a fancy coffee drink (page 13).

> try to force him to go to sleep.
you attempt to coerce the wild troll into sleeping.
he yells at you for 20 consecutive minutes, tries to chew your cape off and eventually stays up for two weeks straight just to spite you.
you lose.
restart?

> bring him a fancy coffee drink.
you buy one of those foofy drinks that has more sugar than caffeine and is honestly way too sweet.
you give it to the wild troll in hopes that it will raise his energy levels past "have meltdowns in the general direction of the once-ler" territory.
you succeed.
good job! turn to page 27.

see?
he wasn't sabotaging you.
he was being nice.
weirdly nice for a guy who totally isn't your friend at all, right?

[ PRIVATELY FINISHED JESUS CHRIST ]

[ 1/I DON'T THINK PRIVATE IS AS BIG AS YOUR PRIVATE??? WAIT WHAT THE FUCK ]

[ ESSENTIALLY WHAT HE SAID. PRIVATELY. ]

[ THIS SURE DOES ALSO MAKE IT SOUND PRIVATELY WORSE THAN IT ACTUALLY IS. ]

[ LET'S MOVE ON FROM LESS PRIVATE THINGS TO EVEN MORE PRIVATE THINGS. ]

[ THIS IS A PRIVATE IMPRESSION GIVEN TO YOU ONLY. ]

[ YOU SURE DO HAVE A PRIVATE. A PRIVATE MESSAGE? YEAH YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE. ]

[ SO DO I. A PRIVATE. A PRIVATE MESSAGE. WHICH I'M SENDING TO YOU RIGHT NOW PRIVATELY. ]

[ CONCILIATORY PRIVATETOPRIVATE CONVERSATIONS FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE CONCUPISCENT PRIVATE FEELINGS. ]

[ THIS IS STILL LONGER AND MORE PRIVATE THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT. ]

[ THIS IS THE BIGGEST PRIVATE CLUSTERFUCK I HAVE EVER SEEN. ]

[ GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING SO PRIVATE. ]

[ PRIVATE ASSAULT OF A VERBAL PERSUASION. ]

[ OK DONE WITH THIS PRIVATE DISASTER. ]

[ can we please stop privately comparing private sizes ]

[ seriously, there is something wrong with you. let's discuss it IN PRIVATE ]

[ you have a private problem ]

[ ok this is the only part that should actually be private really ]

[ IT REMAINS PRIVATE ]

[ the rest of this is just private for your benefit. idiot. ]

[ privately privating privateers ]

[ choose your own private adventure winkwonk ]

[ oh my god it's still private ok leave me alone LET ME DIE ]

[ john has a lot of private time on his hands ]

[ nearly done with this disaster of unmitigated privacy proportions ]