(no subject)

[upstartcrow]

Listen up
If you see any adult sized grey skinned assholes with teeth like a hammerheads nightmare and Day Glo horns
Get the fuck out of there
Especially if you think you might be one of those people who mysteriously woke up as a tiny baby
The grey skinned alien assholes eat babies
Pretty sure they eat their own babies if they dont make the asshole cut
Also
If youre one of those grey skinned assholes
Im going to find you
And youre going to die
Strider out

Comments

[ihateyouetc]

I'm sorry. No one should 6e forced to live in a world anythin9 like that.
I ima9ine your life must have 6een difficult and lar9ely thankless.

[upstartcrow]

On the plus side I had lots of money and my very own pony

[upstartcrow]

So Im guessing youre the harmless troll that John kid was talking about
Are you like
Troll vegan

[ihateyouetc]

"Harmless" is ne9otia6le.
But I neither 6elieve in troll culture as you and many others have known it nor the propo9anda perpetuated 6y it.

[ihateyouetc]

I'm unfamiliar with the term "ve9an", 6ut I take it to mean somethin9 close to "ve9etation."
In which case, you'd 6e referrin9 to a dietary ha6it, correct?

[ihateyouetc]

What's a pony?

[upstartcrow]

Yeah human vegans only eat like soy and lima beans
Its pretty weird since the human digestive systems calibrated to subsist solely on beer and cheap pizza
I dont know what the troll equivalent of a pizza would be but all you have to know is that its the Holy Grail of foods
It hits all the major food groups
Crust salt and grease

[upstartcrow]

And thats the saddest question Ive heard all week

[ihateyouetc]

A diet lackin9 flesh from other creatures, then.
I wasn't like a human ve9an, no, and I don't advocate either dietary decision.
Provided no part of a creature is wasted and it isn't slau9htered in excess, I don't see a pro6lem with consumin9 meat.

real pro6lems and issues troll culture has

[ihateyouetc]

Canni6alism and consumin9 the flesh of other sentient creatures 6ein9 the exception.
I don't 6elieve there is anythin9 that could make that okay, 6ut I di9ress.

[ihateyouetc]

Additionally, while I'm not pretendin9 to know much of anythin9 a6out human culture, I don't...
Believe those could 6e classified as le9itimate food 9roups.

[upstartcrow]

So wait
Trolls dont actually eat their young?

[ihateyouetc]

Correct. In actuality, they will never meet them.
Humans seem to have an interest in carin9 for their youn9
so this may not make sense to you without an explanation.
I'll try to keep it 6rief.
Youn9 trolls hatch in what are called the 6roodin9 caverns.
Upon hatchin9, they are responsi6le for findin9 their way out.
Many of them will 6e killed for paint or die 6efore they do.
Once they reach the surface, they will die unless they are found 6y a suita6le Lusus.
Lusus Naturae are 6easts native to our planet.
A lusus who is incompati6le with a youn9 troll may eat or otherwise kill it.
A lusus who is compati6le with a youn9 troll will adopt it and protect it.
And so they 9row up.

[ihateyouetc]

This is one of many unfor9iva6ly reprehensi6le systems seen as accepta6le 6y our society 6ecause it has always 6een.
Why should it 6e any different? What else is there? That's what many of them think, if they think a6out it at all.
They are tau9ht to accept their role and not 9uestion it. Hi9h6loods are told they have the ri9ht to take the lives of low6loods for any trans9ressions or sli9hts, no matter how minor or perceived they may 6e.

[ihateyouetc]

The term trolls use for all this killin9 is called cullin9, 6ut I have never found a word more suita6le than "murder."

[ihateyouetc]

But that's 9ettin9 off-topic and you've yet to tell me what a pony is.

[upstartcrow]

Man you are like
A regular social criticism encyclopedia arent you
The Energizer bunny of verbose political activism and culture talks
I bet you teach
You sound like a professor
Or a rabbi or something

[upstartcrow]

A pony is uh
A four legged Earth animal that eats grass and I guess straw and oats
Theyre like miniature horses but that probably doesnt mean anything to you either
Theyre also just the right size for little kids to ride so theyre popular at birthday parties and stuff
And as Saturday morning cartoons

[upstartcrow]

And also
As my lusus thing?

[ihateyouetc]

I 6elieve those descriptions are close enou9h.

[ihateyouetc]

It's interestin9 our experiences were the opposite.
Humans 9enerally appear to 6e raised 6y other humans, yet you were raised 6y a lusus
and I was raised 6y another troll who found me after no lusus would have me.

[ihateyouetc]

This chan9e in su6ject matter is a6rupt, 6ut I 6elieve now is a 9ood time to say it.
The first troll who took your 6ait with this pu6lic announcement is called 6y his title, Orphaner.
I'm tellin9 you 6ecause I 6elieve it's relevant.
Do not en9a9e him unless it 6ecomes a6solutely necessary.

[upstartcrow]

Well I dont know if what Captain Doby did counts as raising me but shes the closest thing to family I had
Until I met Lalonde anyway

[upstartcrow]

That nickname just makes me want to strife his head off more though
There are way more than enough orphans on this planet or any
And there are a hell of a lot of kids here right now
Two or three of which fall under my jurisdiction as
You know a guardian

[upstartcrow]

I know basically jack shit and fuckall about what a real hero would do in this situation but I like to take my shots when I can
Preferably before he gets it in his head to hit a town full of little kids
Do you know anything else about him
Like how I can take him out