(no subject)

[upstartcrow]

Listen up
If you see any adult sized grey skinned assholes with teeth like a hammerheads nightmare and Day Glo horns
Get the fuck out of there
Especially if you think you might be one of those people who mysteriously woke up as a tiny baby
The grey skinned alien assholes eat babies
Pretty sure they eat their own babies if they dont make the asshole cut
Also
If youre one of those grey skinned assholes
Im going to find you
And youre going to die
Strider out

Comments

[riseup]

what the fuck???
cool, so you listen about as well as the real dave does.
this is the opposite of what i just said!

[upstartcrow]

I already promised not to go after Her Infant Condescension
But if there are people that arent too jacked up on Faygo and miracles to listen to me here then Ive got a duty to warn them
Have you ever even seen an adult troll

[squidissension]

wwhat an swweetly devvised yet ill-conceived notion ahelpin the populace escape unharmed from something nigh inevvitable

AUGHHHHHHHH TROLLS

[riseup]

OH GOD DAMMIT

[upstartcrow]

Its starting to reek of home already

[ihateyouetc]

This was unwise.
However many trolls there may or may not 6e, drawin9 attention to yourself in this fashion does nothin9 6ut endan9er not only you 6ut those you personally wish to protect.

[upstartcrow]

Nice color

[fuckincakewake]

omg wtf
didnt u ever do anytihn on the dl 400 years ago
fuck fuck fukcc
what is the matter with u?!?!

[upstartcrow]

I could give you a list but I think I left it in my other pants
Also the situations kind of different back home
We always knew where she was
And Ive got people to protect here and hell if Im going to wait quietly for the seadweller jackass to get his land legs

[reanimated]

Oh good, glad to see genocidal aliens and rampant fucking stupidity never goes out of style. You're fucked, mate.

[upstartcrow]

Always have been

assuming hes still at wizard palace

[roselle]

You're being grumpy.

He can be anywhere you want him to be, darling

[upstartcrow]

Your big brother just pissed off a lot of people

[ex_nerf940]

If you are as so wise to 8elittle troll culture like such, I'm afraid there might 8e a small percentage chance of your a8solute success in this hunt.
Do you expect 8a8ies themselves to take heed to your warning?
They are infants, vulnera8le. Nothing more.

[upstartcrow]

Spoken like someone whos never had to dodge projectile vomit before
Looks like theyre all crawling out of the woodwork now

[riseup]

vriska????????

[squidissension]

marquise

[coloredstrings]

:O
dave!!!!
oh no you dont!

[upstartcrow]

Jesus
How many middle schoolers am I friends with in this timeline
Am I that kind of creep

[notdogmatic]

Most of us have attained familiarity with adolescent trolls, so in future announcements, you could refer to them by species name rather than description.

Am I correct in assuming that you do not remember me, Mister Strider?

[upstartcrow]

Right I keep forgetting Im in bizarro world
And sorry I really dont recall
It seems to be a running theme today

[Locked//High Security]

[detectivewonder]

Tell me more.

[Locked//High Security]

[upstartcrow]

Theyre big and ugly and dangerous
One alone is in the middle of wiping out my normal Earth through like mind control and science projects and shitty baking mixes
I havent seen her here or if she is shes like a baby and wont really hurt anyone
And the red guy seems ok
But there are at least a couple others that would wipe us out rather than look at us
Did you see that video of the fucker at the beach

[executor]

D --> Setting the e%orbitant death threats aside for but a moment
D --> What does your species do with your unsatisfactory hatchlings if not consume them

[upstartcrow]

Love them and cherish them and give them gold stars for effort
Everyones a winner

[maiditoutalive]

um
dave?
are you feeling all right?

[upstartcrow]

Apart from Lalonde inexplicably being a four year old who doesnt remember me and getting called out by strange kids who do
Like seriously it just keeps happening
And having not one but like five planet nabbing genocidal asswipes to deal with
While face to face for the first time with my future son
Who deserves better
Yeah Im doing pretty ok