HIGHLY INFORMATIVE POST. HE'S NOT LOCKING THIS. FUCK YOU, VRISKA. YOU CAN READ IT LATER.

[ihateyouetc]

ATTENTION ALL AMBITIOUS AND AGGRESSIVELY SELF ANNIHILATIVE IDIOTS!
WE NEED TO HAVE A BRIEF CHAT ABOUT VRISKA.
MAN, LOOK HOW NOSTALGIC THIS IS!
THIS IS LIKE THE TIME DAVE AND JOHN DECIDED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR INDEPENDENT INTERESTS IN TWO BATSHIT GIRLS WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WARN THEM TO STEP THE FUCK OFF DESPITE THE FACT AFOREMENTIONED BATSHIT GIRLS WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR INDIVIDUAL DEATHS SEVERAL TIMES!
SO HERE WE ARE AGAIN.
EXCEPT THIS TIME I'M ATTEMPTING TO WARN ALL OF YOU SORRY SACKS OVER STEEPED IN STUPIDITY LIKE INDIVIDUAL TEA BAGS IN TINY LITTLE TEA CUPS, POLLUTING THE WATER FOR TWO WEEKS.
YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK THAT SHIT ANYMORE, JUST STOP.



TRIGGER WARNING, SEIZURES!!


THIS IS ABOUT BREVITY SO IT'S NOT GOING TO BE LIKE MY OTHER MEMOS.
MAYBE A LOT OF YOU DON'T KNOW BUT MOST OF YOU DO
I'M TALKING ONCE AGAIN ABOUT THE MEMOS WHERE I JUST LOSE MY POINT AND DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
I THINK I DO THIS EVERY TIME I START A MEMO NOW
BUT THAT'S JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THIS MEMO IS NOT LIKE THE LAST MEMO.
THIS MEMO IS ABOUT TELLING MOST OF YOU THAT IF YOU AREN'T EXTREMELY CAREFUL YOU ARE BEING FUCKING SUICIDAL.
I'M GOING DOWN THE LIST OF ASSHOLES I SAW IN THERE.
IF I FORGOT YOU AND YOU WANT ME TO BITCH AT YOU JUST LET ME KNOW AND I CAN ARRANGE THAT.

JOHN, VRISKA DOESN'T WANT TO KILL ANY OF US.
YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT
BUT SHE'S DEFINITELY GOING TO TRY!
WHY WOULD SHE LEGITIMATELY TRY IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO, SOMEONE ELSE READING THIS MIGHT ASK!
WHY THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION, HYPOTHETICAL AUDIENCE!
THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS BECAUSE SHE IS FUCKING CRAZY AND THAT'S WHAT "POST SCRATCH" TROLLS DO.
IMAGINE IT LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY AND SUDDENLY THE MURDER ARRIVES AND KILLS ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
YOU'RE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??
I WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME BEFORE THE MURDER ARRIVED!!
WHO INVITED THE MURDER TO THIS HIGHLY ESTEEMED AND RESPECTABLE CONGREGATION OF OUR PEERS???
WELL, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU BUDDY!!
THE MURDER IS INVITED EVERY GOD DAMN TIME
THE MURDER HAS VIP STATUS.
IF IT GETS A CHANCE IT'S THE FIRST FUCKER THROUGH THE DOOR.
THAT SAID, JOHN
YOU PROBABLY HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT SURVIVING THIS THAN ANY OF US DO AT THIS POINT.
MAYBE TAVROS? I DUNNO.

DAVE, HOW SUSCEPTIBLE ARE YOU TO MIND CONTROL? JUST CURIOUS!
OH YEAH, AND HOW MUCH WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ON NEW MOORE TO BE BASED ON GOOD FORTUNE?

GIRL WHO TALKS TO DAVE A LOT WHO COMMUNICATES WITHOUT TOO MANY CONTRACTIONS AND SOMETIMES TALKS TO THE FUNNY CAT RABBIT THING!
I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHO YOU ARE!!!
WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE
WHATEVER
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
HOW SUSCEPTIBLE ARE TO MIND CONTROL AND HOW WELL DO YOU FUNCTION WHEN YOU HAVE LITERALLY ZERO LUCK.
THINGS WE NEED TO THINK ABOUT HERE.

VICTOR, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOOD SINCE YOU'RE HALF A ROBOT.

NATHAN, YOU CAN'T DIE UNDER ANY CONDITION.
LITERALLY.
THAT'S NOT ME TELLING YOU I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE
NOT THAT I WANT YOU TO DIE?
BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS MAYBE LIKE...
I DUNNO, DISTRACT HER OR SOMETHING???

ERIDAN, FOR THE LOVE OF MASSIVE FUCK
STOP TRYING TO REKINDLE A DEAD RELATIONSHIP WITH A GOD DAMN SHADOW.
IF YOU DO END UP COMING DON'T JUST SHOOT EVERYTHING THAT MOVES EITHER.

MEENAH, IN OUR UNIVERSE YOU'RE THE TROLL EMPRESS
THAT MEANS SOME VERSION OF YOU IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ESTABLISHING EVERY SYSTEM THAT ULTIMATELY MADE US AS FUCKING CRAZY AND UNSTABLE AS WE ALL ARE
SO YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

HAL, YOU'RE GLASSES. ENOUGH SAID.

NOBODY TRY TO TALK HER DOWN ABOUT HOW COMPLETELY SHITHIVE INSANE SHE IS BECAUSE THAT'S A LIE.
SHE IS OUT OF HER FUCKING GOURD AND SHE'S JUST SANE ENOUGH TO KNOW IT.
IT'S LIKE SOUJI ALWAYS SAID AS LONG AS NOBODY'S JUDGING HER FOR HER COMPLETE AND UTTER LUNACY WE'LL ULTIMATELY BE FINE PROBABLY
IF BY FINE I JUST MEAN "NOT DEAD"
WHICH I DO.
SHE'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD OF A PERSON IF WE'RE BEING HONEST
WHICH IS GREAT! I DON'T CARE.
A LOT OF MY FRIENDS ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE
THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE THEM BAD FRIENDS
BUT I GUESS IF ANYONE'S GOING TO BE JUDGMENTAL AND SHITTY ABOUT IT THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN'T GO??
ANYWAY, VRISKA IS ONE OF THE STRONGEST TROLLS HERE
OK I SHOULD CLARIFY RIGHT NOW BEFORE SOMEONE INEVITABLY COMPLAINS ABOUT ME SAYING THAT
I DON'T MEAN STRONG LIKE EQUIUS
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
SHE SPECIALIZES EXCLUSIVELY IN RUINING EVERYBODY'S SHIT.
GAMZEE IS ANOTHER ONE BUT I'M NOT LETTING HIM GO BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HIM TO UNDERSTAND THE OBJECTIVE IS "NOT KILLING HER"
NOT ONLY THAT BUT I THINK SHE'D BE SO PISSED HE WAS THERE SHE'D BE DRIVEN INTO A FOAMING FURY UNTIL ONE OF THEM WAS DEAD AND THAT'S NOT EXACTLY CONSTRUCTIVE FOR ANY OF US.

/!\ HERE ARE A FEW HELPFUL HINTS! /!\

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A BANNER FOR THIS ONE BUT THIS SECTION IS IMPORTANT.
VRISKA CAN AT LEAST PUT HUMANS TO SLEEP.
AS SHE'S LEARNED HOW TO LIVE WITH ALL OF YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA IF THAT NOW TRANSLATES INTO BEING ABLE TO CONTROL YOU GUYS.
I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE CAN CONTROL ME SO IF I DO ANYTHING FUCKED UP JUST PUT ME DOWN LIKE ONE OF YOUR HUMAN DOGS.
ADDITIONALLY, YOU SHOULD BE AWARE VRISKA CAN GANK YOUR LUCK AND GOOD FORTUNE.
AS IN HEY, YOU REALLY LIKE THAT FLOOR YOU'RE STANDING ON, RIGHT?
IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF YOU WERE UNLUCKY ENOUGH IT SUDDENLY COLLAPSED BENEATH YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S LITERALLY NO REASON IT SHOULD BE COLLAPSING!
WOULDN'T IT BE UNFORTUNATE IF YOU DIDN'T THINK TO FLY UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE???
DAMN! WELL. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME IF YOU RESURRECT.
SO THOSE ARE THE BASICS!
THINGS TO CONSIDER AS WE GET CLOSER TO FINDING OUT WHERE THE FUCK SHE IS.





GOD.
WHERE THE HELL IS TEREZI??
SHE WOULD KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS.

Comments

[reanimated]

It's actually a FUCKING GENIUS PLAN if you'd all pull your heads out of your arses!

[notvictorious]

What is? You dying? Cause if that is the plan, that you act like bait for her then forget it.

[reanimated]

Distraction sounds a lot more humane than bait, mate.

[notvictorious]

I just told her I'm not letting anybody die! That includes you, cabrón.

[reanimated]

Oh c'mon, I hardly count. Look, isn't this proper heroic? Using my shite powers for good? You're not talking me out of this one. Not for all the poppy in Lau's den!

[notvictorious]

You dying is never good, that's not part of the plan, end of discussion.

Karkat, he's not in this one, figure something else out. I'll be the distraction.

[ihateyouetc]

WHAT A FANTASTIC IDEA COMING FROM A GUY WHO CAN ACTUALLY DIE!
HELL NO. YOU'RE NOT DISTRACTING SHIT.

[notvictorious]

That was a freak island-curse thing, normally I could just self repair that! Anyway, unless she fights with laser harpoons, that's not gonna happen to me.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, NATHAN SAID HE'S COMING AND THAT'S THAT
SINCE I GUESS HE'S NOT TALKING TO YOU NOW FOR SOME REASON.

[notvictorious]

Are you serious? And he calls me a girl.

put the child in the middle of mom and dad's argument a+ plan

[reanimated]

THANK YOU, now tell him I'm coming and that's that.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO STUPID.

[ihateyouetc]

OH MY GOD
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING
WHY IS THIS A THING WE'RE DOING.

[reanimated]

Ace, thanks. So we'll go with plan D then! D for Death, Loads And Loads Of Death, God Nathan You're Such A Genius Let Me Buy You A Round After All Of This Is Over.

[notvictorious]

Look. I don't think she's gonna be in a good headspace if anybody dies.

CAN I EVER DO THIS COMMENT RIGHT? APPARENTLY NOT

[reanimated]

Look, she doesn't even know me. Better me than one of her mates, yeah? That's logic, it follows.

Re: CAN I EVER DO THIS COMMENT RIGHT? APPARENTLY NOT

[notvictorious]

We aren't making this a thing, I'm serious.

[reanimated]

It's already a thing!

[notvictorious]

I don't want it to be a thing anymore!

[reanimated]

Too bloody bad, it's been a thing!

[notvictorious]

Then it stops today!

[reanimated]

Yeah? Make me.

[notvictorious]

I can knock you out.

[reanimated]

Doesn't that go against the whole gay you don't want me to get hurt bit?

[notvictorious]

When you're acting like an idiot, I don't care as much. Your plan is stupid, just hang out with Ramona or something.

[reanimated]

So all the time then.