HIGHLY INFORMATIVE POST. HE'S NOT LOCKING THIS. FUCK YOU, VRISKA. YOU CAN READ IT LATER.

[ihateyouetc]

ATTENTION ALL AMBITIOUS AND AGGRESSIVELY SELF ANNIHILATIVE IDIOTS!
WE NEED TO HAVE A BRIEF CHAT ABOUT VRISKA.
MAN, LOOK HOW NOSTALGIC THIS IS!
THIS IS LIKE THE TIME DAVE AND JOHN DECIDED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR INDEPENDENT INTERESTS IN TWO BATSHIT GIRLS WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WARN THEM TO STEP THE FUCK OFF DESPITE THE FACT AFOREMENTIONED BATSHIT GIRLS WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR INDIVIDUAL DEATHS SEVERAL TIMES!
SO HERE WE ARE AGAIN.
EXCEPT THIS TIME I'M ATTEMPTING TO WARN ALL OF YOU SORRY SACKS OVER STEEPED IN STUPIDITY LIKE INDIVIDUAL TEA BAGS IN TINY LITTLE TEA CUPS, POLLUTING THE WATER FOR TWO WEEKS.
YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK THAT SHIT ANYMORE, JUST STOP.



TRIGGER WARNING, SEIZURES!!


THIS IS ABOUT BREVITY SO IT'S NOT GOING TO BE LIKE MY OTHER MEMOS.
MAYBE A LOT OF YOU DON'T KNOW BUT MOST OF YOU DO
I'M TALKING ONCE AGAIN ABOUT THE MEMOS WHERE I JUST LOSE MY POINT AND DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
I THINK I DO THIS EVERY TIME I START A MEMO NOW
BUT THAT'S JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THIS MEMO IS NOT LIKE THE LAST MEMO.
THIS MEMO IS ABOUT TELLING MOST OF YOU THAT IF YOU AREN'T EXTREMELY CAREFUL YOU ARE BEING FUCKING SUICIDAL.
I'M GOING DOWN THE LIST OF ASSHOLES I SAW IN THERE.
IF I FORGOT YOU AND YOU WANT ME TO BITCH AT YOU JUST LET ME KNOW AND I CAN ARRANGE THAT.

JOHN, VRISKA DOESN'T WANT TO KILL ANY OF US.
YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT
BUT SHE'S DEFINITELY GOING TO TRY!
WHY WOULD SHE LEGITIMATELY TRY IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO, SOMEONE ELSE READING THIS MIGHT ASK!
WHY THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION, HYPOTHETICAL AUDIENCE!
THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS BECAUSE SHE IS FUCKING CRAZY AND THAT'S WHAT "POST SCRATCH" TROLLS DO.
IMAGINE IT LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY AND SUDDENLY THE MURDER ARRIVES AND KILLS ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
YOU'RE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??
I WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME BEFORE THE MURDER ARRIVED!!
WHO INVITED THE MURDER TO THIS HIGHLY ESTEEMED AND RESPECTABLE CONGREGATION OF OUR PEERS???
WELL, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU BUDDY!!
THE MURDER IS INVITED EVERY GOD DAMN TIME
THE MURDER HAS VIP STATUS.
IF IT GETS A CHANCE IT'S THE FIRST FUCKER THROUGH THE DOOR.
THAT SAID, JOHN
YOU PROBABLY HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT SURVIVING THIS THAN ANY OF US DO AT THIS POINT.
MAYBE TAVROS? I DUNNO.

DAVE, HOW SUSCEPTIBLE ARE YOU TO MIND CONTROL? JUST CURIOUS!
OH YEAH, AND HOW MUCH WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ON NEW MOORE TO BE BASED ON GOOD FORTUNE?

GIRL WHO TALKS TO DAVE A LOT WHO COMMUNICATES WITHOUT TOO MANY CONTRACTIONS AND SOMETIMES TALKS TO THE FUNNY CAT RABBIT THING!
I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHO YOU ARE!!!
WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE
WHATEVER
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
HOW SUSCEPTIBLE ARE TO MIND CONTROL AND HOW WELL DO YOU FUNCTION WHEN YOU HAVE LITERALLY ZERO LUCK.
THINGS WE NEED TO THINK ABOUT HERE.

VICTOR, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOOD SINCE YOU'RE HALF A ROBOT.

NATHAN, YOU CAN'T DIE UNDER ANY CONDITION.
LITERALLY.
THAT'S NOT ME TELLING YOU I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE
NOT THAT I WANT YOU TO DIE?
BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS MAYBE LIKE...
I DUNNO, DISTRACT HER OR SOMETHING???

ERIDAN, FOR THE LOVE OF MASSIVE FUCK
STOP TRYING TO REKINDLE A DEAD RELATIONSHIP WITH A GOD DAMN SHADOW.
IF YOU DO END UP COMING DON'T JUST SHOOT EVERYTHING THAT MOVES EITHER.

MEENAH, IN OUR UNIVERSE YOU'RE THE TROLL EMPRESS
THAT MEANS SOME VERSION OF YOU IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ESTABLISHING EVERY SYSTEM THAT ULTIMATELY MADE US AS FUCKING CRAZY AND UNSTABLE AS WE ALL ARE
SO YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

HAL, YOU'RE GLASSES. ENOUGH SAID.

NOBODY TRY TO TALK HER DOWN ABOUT HOW COMPLETELY SHITHIVE INSANE SHE IS BECAUSE THAT'S A LIE.
SHE IS OUT OF HER FUCKING GOURD AND SHE'S JUST SANE ENOUGH TO KNOW IT.
IT'S LIKE SOUJI ALWAYS SAID AS LONG AS NOBODY'S JUDGING HER FOR HER COMPLETE AND UTTER LUNACY WE'LL ULTIMATELY BE FINE PROBABLY
IF BY FINE I JUST MEAN "NOT DEAD"
WHICH I DO.
SHE'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD OF A PERSON IF WE'RE BEING HONEST
WHICH IS GREAT! I DON'T CARE.
A LOT OF MY FRIENDS ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE
THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE THEM BAD FRIENDS
BUT I GUESS IF ANYONE'S GOING TO BE JUDGMENTAL AND SHITTY ABOUT IT THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN'T GO??
ANYWAY, VRISKA IS ONE OF THE STRONGEST TROLLS HERE
OK I SHOULD CLARIFY RIGHT NOW BEFORE SOMEONE INEVITABLY COMPLAINS ABOUT ME SAYING THAT
I DON'T MEAN STRONG LIKE EQUIUS
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
SHE SPECIALIZES EXCLUSIVELY IN RUINING EVERYBODY'S SHIT.
GAMZEE IS ANOTHER ONE BUT I'M NOT LETTING HIM GO BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HIM TO UNDERSTAND THE OBJECTIVE IS "NOT KILLING HER"
NOT ONLY THAT BUT I THINK SHE'D BE SO PISSED HE WAS THERE SHE'D BE DRIVEN INTO A FOAMING FURY UNTIL ONE OF THEM WAS DEAD AND THAT'S NOT EXACTLY CONSTRUCTIVE FOR ANY OF US.

/!\ HERE ARE A FEW HELPFUL HINTS! /!\

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A BANNER FOR THIS ONE BUT THIS SECTION IS IMPORTANT.
VRISKA CAN AT LEAST PUT HUMANS TO SLEEP.
AS SHE'S LEARNED HOW TO LIVE WITH ALL OF YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA IF THAT NOW TRANSLATES INTO BEING ABLE TO CONTROL YOU GUYS.
I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE CAN CONTROL ME SO IF I DO ANYTHING FUCKED UP JUST PUT ME DOWN LIKE ONE OF YOUR HUMAN DOGS.
ADDITIONALLY, YOU SHOULD BE AWARE VRISKA CAN GANK YOUR LUCK AND GOOD FORTUNE.
AS IN HEY, YOU REALLY LIKE THAT FLOOR YOU'RE STANDING ON, RIGHT?
IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF YOU WERE UNLUCKY ENOUGH IT SUDDENLY COLLAPSED BENEATH YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S LITERALLY NO REASON IT SHOULD BE COLLAPSING!
WOULDN'T IT BE UNFORTUNATE IF YOU DIDN'T THINK TO FLY UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE???
DAMN! WELL. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME IF YOU RESURRECT.
SO THOSE ARE THE BASICS!
THINGS TO CONSIDER AS WE GET CLOSER TO FINDING OUT WHERE THE FUCK SHE IS.





GOD.
WHERE THE HELL IS TEREZI??
SHE WOULD KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS.

Comments

[reanimated]

Distract the bird who wants to murder everyone but DON'T get murdered? What d'you expect me to do, perform a fucking jig?

[reanimated]

Because that's racist.

[ihateyouetc]

OK ACTUALLY THAT'S NOT THE WORST IDEA.
WOULD IT HURT TO JUST TRY???
HOW ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO DISTRACT HER.

[reanimated]

I'M NOT GOING TO DO A BLOODY JIG KARKAT, I WAS BEING SLIGHTLY FACETIOUS ABOUT THAT

[reanimated]

I'm going to do what I do best.

[riseup]

yeah, i get it.
but i am just going to say what everyone else is going to say before they say it, no one is putting you down if you get mind controlled.

[ihateyouetc]

OK, MAYBE I SHOULD'VE JUST SAID KNOCK ME OUT OR SOMETHING.
HOWEVER THAT IS, I DON'T EVEN CARE. DON'T HESITATE TO DO IT.
I'M NOT EXACTLY KEEN ON THE IDEA OF ATTACKING MY FRIENDS WHEN I'VE GONE THIS LONG BEING THE ONLY ONE ON MY OLD TEAM WHO DIDN'T FUCKING DO THAT.

[riseup]

sure, i will tell rose to bring her magic sleepy yarn ball or whatever that thing is.
we will make sure you don't hurt anyone.

[ihateyouetc]

I NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT SO YOU GUYS WILL KNOW.
SHE ISN'T STUPID. WHEN SHE DOES IT SHE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT OBVIOUS.

[ohmycod]

look i dont get what all this plannings for
just throw the troll empress at her until she stops being a turd
that being me

[ihateyouetc]

THE PLANNING IS BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS A FUCKING IDIOT.
NOT ONLY THAT BUT WHILE YOU'D PROBABLY BE OK ON YOUR OWN YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY ON YOUR OWN.
GROUP DYNAMICS AND ALL THAT.

[ohmycod]

dude karkat
i know were all about leadership and shit but
everyone else is just gonna be a liability

[ihateyouetc]

TWO THINGS WRONG WITH THAT.
FIRST THING, NO ONE IS GOING TO LISTEN TO THAT IF HAPPENS TO BE TRUE
THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS LITERALLY NOBODY IS GOING TO PAY ATTENTION TO AND THAT'S ONE OF THEM.
SECOND THING, IT ACTUALLY HELPS HAVING PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT HER ALONG FOR SOME REASON?
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS THING WORKS
IT'S SOME SAPPY HUMAN ANIME BULLSHIT IF YOU ASK ME.

[maiditoutalive]

im sorry karkat
but i think its probably for the good of everyone if i sit this one out

[ihateyouetc]

HEY, IT'S COOL.
DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR THAT
BUT I WANT TO SAY IF YOU'RE STEPPING OUT BECAUSE YOU THINK SHE HATES YOU PLATONICALLY OR SOMETHING
YOU MIGHT WANT TO RECONSIDER THAT.
IF IT'S OTHER STUFF THAT'S FINE TOO
I JUST WANTED TO PUT THAT OUT THERE.
REGARDLESS OF WHAT IT IS DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF OR SAY ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT IT.

[maiditoutalive]

it isnt that
or rather i dont know how she feels about me anymore
its just that the last two times something really serious started happening we ended up fighting
and we agreed that we no longer want to do that
i dont think its worth the help i could give you to risk that we would come to that again
i think the damage weve done is enough

[squidissension]

wway to misinterpret that
im goin on ahead

[callbacks]

literally nothing i have done here or back in the alpha timeline has hinged on my luck
if it had id be at least eighty percent more dead than i generally am
same goes for homura
the girl who hangs out with me
she does time too
and her lucks probably even shittier than mine and aradias to start with


vriska can put me to sleep though
so theres that

[trytryagain]

Yes.

[callbacks]

do you know if mind control works on you

[trytryagain]

I am not sure.

[universalconstant]

sir karkat! your leadership skills are quite admirable even if nobody is paying the slightest attention to half of them

good luck on your mission

[riseup]

heheh, aww.
it's funny because it's true.

[ihateyouetc]

THANKS, MAYOR.
THAT ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING COMING FROM YOU SINCE YOU'RE THE MAYOR
AND IF ANYONE COULD NOTICE LEADERSHIP SKILLS NO ONE ELSE NOTICES, IT'D PROBABLY BE YOU?

GOD.
HOW DO ALL OF THESE MEMOS GET SO MESSED UP.
WHO ARE HALF OF THESE PEOPLE AND WHY ARE THEY DISCUSSING DAVE'S ASS AND ACRONYMS.
A&A? IS THAT WHAT WE NEED TO START CALLING IT WHEN IT DEGENERATES LIKE THIS??
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE STARTED A NEW MEMO FOR THE A&A DISCUSSION SO EVERBODY COULD'VE KEPT IT GOING THERE.

[universalconstant]

you're welcome, sir karkat!
it would probably be me. i have a keen eye for leadership skills!

i can't say! as nice as sir dave's behind is or how educational learning new acronyms might be, this is not at all productive when it comes to trying to formulate a plan to gain back the exciting and intimidating eight troll.
a new memo might be a good idea! assuming they do not disregard the important matter at hand in favor of more discussion about things that make doki dokis.