HIGHLY INFORMATIVE POST. HE'S NOT LOCKING THIS. FUCK YOU, VRISKA. YOU CAN READ IT LATER.

[ihateyouetc]

ATTENTION ALL AMBITIOUS AND AGGRESSIVELY SELF ANNIHILATIVE IDIOTS!
WE NEED TO HAVE A BRIEF CHAT ABOUT VRISKA.
MAN, LOOK HOW NOSTALGIC THIS IS!
THIS IS LIKE THE TIME DAVE AND JOHN DECIDED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR INDEPENDENT INTERESTS IN TWO BATSHIT GIRLS WHILE I WAS TRYING TO WARN THEM TO STEP THE FUCK OFF DESPITE THE FACT AFOREMENTIONED BATSHIT GIRLS WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR INDIVIDUAL DEATHS SEVERAL TIMES!
SO HERE WE ARE AGAIN.
EXCEPT THIS TIME I'M ATTEMPTING TO WARN ALL OF YOU SORRY SACKS OVER STEEPED IN STUPIDITY LIKE INDIVIDUAL TEA BAGS IN TINY LITTLE TEA CUPS, POLLUTING THE WATER FOR TWO WEEKS.
YOU CAN'T EVEN DRINK THAT SHIT ANYMORE, JUST STOP.



TRIGGER WARNING, SEIZURES!!


THIS IS ABOUT BREVITY SO IT'S NOT GOING TO BE LIKE MY OTHER MEMOS.
MAYBE A LOT OF YOU DON'T KNOW BUT MOST OF YOU DO
I'M TALKING ONCE AGAIN ABOUT THE MEMOS WHERE I JUST LOSE MY POINT AND DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
I THINK I DO THIS EVERY TIME I START A MEMO NOW
BUT THAT'S JUST TO LET YOU KNOW THIS MEMO IS NOT LIKE THE LAST MEMO.
THIS MEMO IS ABOUT TELLING MOST OF YOU THAT IF YOU AREN'T EXTREMELY CAREFUL YOU ARE BEING FUCKING SUICIDAL.
I'M GOING DOWN THE LIST OF ASSHOLES I SAW IN THERE.
IF I FORGOT YOU AND YOU WANT ME TO BITCH AT YOU JUST LET ME KNOW AND I CAN ARRANGE THAT.

JOHN, VRISKA DOESN'T WANT TO KILL ANY OF US.
YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT
BUT SHE'S DEFINITELY GOING TO TRY!
WHY WOULD SHE LEGITIMATELY TRY IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO, SOMEONE ELSE READING THIS MIGHT ASK!
WHY THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION, HYPOTHETICAL AUDIENCE!
THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS BECAUSE SHE IS FUCKING CRAZY AND THAT'S WHAT "POST SCRATCH" TROLLS DO.
IMAGINE IT LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY AND SUDDENLY THE MURDER ARRIVES AND KILLS ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
YOU'RE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??
I WAS HAVING A GREAT TIME BEFORE THE MURDER ARRIVED!!
WHO INVITED THE MURDER TO THIS HIGHLY ESTEEMED AND RESPECTABLE CONGREGATION OF OUR PEERS???
WELL, I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU BUDDY!!
THE MURDER IS INVITED EVERY GOD DAMN TIME
THE MURDER HAS VIP STATUS.
IF IT GETS A CHANCE IT'S THE FIRST FUCKER THROUGH THE DOOR.
THAT SAID, JOHN
YOU PROBABLY HAVE A BETTER CHANCE AT SURVIVING THIS THAN ANY OF US DO AT THIS POINT.
MAYBE TAVROS? I DUNNO.

DAVE, HOW SUSCEPTIBLE ARE YOU TO MIND CONTROL? JUST CURIOUS!
OH YEAH, AND HOW MUCH WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS ON NEW MOORE TO BE BASED ON GOOD FORTUNE?

GIRL WHO TALKS TO DAVE A LOT WHO COMMUNICATES WITHOUT TOO MANY CONTRACTIONS AND SOMETIMES TALKS TO THE FUNNY CAT RABBIT THING!
I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHO YOU ARE!!!
WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE
WHATEVER
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
HOW SUSCEPTIBLE ARE TO MIND CONTROL AND HOW WELL DO YOU FUNCTION WHEN YOU HAVE LITERALLY ZERO LUCK.
THINGS WE NEED TO THINK ABOUT HERE.

VICTOR, YOU'RE PROBABLY GOOD SINCE YOU'RE HALF A ROBOT.

NATHAN, YOU CAN'T DIE UNDER ANY CONDITION.
LITERALLY.
THAT'S NOT ME TELLING YOU I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE
NOT THAT I WANT YOU TO DIE?
BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS MAYBE LIKE...
I DUNNO, DISTRACT HER OR SOMETHING???

ERIDAN, FOR THE LOVE OF MASSIVE FUCK
STOP TRYING TO REKINDLE A DEAD RELATIONSHIP WITH A GOD DAMN SHADOW.
IF YOU DO END UP COMING DON'T JUST SHOOT EVERYTHING THAT MOVES EITHER.

MEENAH, IN OUR UNIVERSE YOU'RE THE TROLL EMPRESS
THAT MEANS SOME VERSION OF YOU IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ESTABLISHING EVERY SYSTEM THAT ULTIMATELY MADE US AS FUCKING CRAZY AND UNSTABLE AS WE ALL ARE
SO YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

HAL, YOU'RE GLASSES. ENOUGH SAID.

NOBODY TRY TO TALK HER DOWN ABOUT HOW COMPLETELY SHITHIVE INSANE SHE IS BECAUSE THAT'S A LIE.
SHE IS OUT OF HER FUCKING GOURD AND SHE'S JUST SANE ENOUGH TO KNOW IT.
IT'S LIKE SOUJI ALWAYS SAID AS LONG AS NOBODY'S JUDGING HER FOR HER COMPLETE AND UTTER LUNACY WE'LL ULTIMATELY BE FINE PROBABLY
IF BY FINE I JUST MEAN "NOT DEAD"
WHICH I DO.
SHE'S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD OF A PERSON IF WE'RE BEING HONEST
WHICH IS GREAT! I DON'T CARE.
A LOT OF MY FRIENDS ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE
THAT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE THEM BAD FRIENDS
BUT I GUESS IF ANYONE'S GOING TO BE JUDGMENTAL AND SHITTY ABOUT IT THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN'T GO??
ANYWAY, VRISKA IS ONE OF THE STRONGEST TROLLS HERE
OK I SHOULD CLARIFY RIGHT NOW BEFORE SOMEONE INEVITABLY COMPLAINS ABOUT ME SAYING THAT
I DON'T MEAN STRONG LIKE EQUIUS
THAT'S DIFFERENT.
SHE SPECIALIZES EXCLUSIVELY IN RUINING EVERYBODY'S SHIT.
GAMZEE IS ANOTHER ONE BUT I'M NOT LETTING HIM GO BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HIM TO UNDERSTAND THE OBJECTIVE IS "NOT KILLING HER"
NOT ONLY THAT BUT I THINK SHE'D BE SO PISSED HE WAS THERE SHE'D BE DRIVEN INTO A FOAMING FURY UNTIL ONE OF THEM WAS DEAD AND THAT'S NOT EXACTLY CONSTRUCTIVE FOR ANY OF US.

/!\ HERE ARE A FEW HELPFUL HINTS! /!\

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A BANNER FOR THIS ONE BUT THIS SECTION IS IMPORTANT.
VRISKA CAN AT LEAST PUT HUMANS TO SLEEP.
AS SHE'S LEARNED HOW TO LIVE WITH ALL OF YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA IF THAT NOW TRANSLATES INTO BEING ABLE TO CONTROL YOU GUYS.
I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE CAN CONTROL ME SO IF I DO ANYTHING FUCKED UP JUST PUT ME DOWN LIKE ONE OF YOUR HUMAN DOGS.
ADDITIONALLY, YOU SHOULD BE AWARE VRISKA CAN GANK YOUR LUCK AND GOOD FORTUNE.
AS IN HEY, YOU REALLY LIKE THAT FLOOR YOU'RE STANDING ON, RIGHT?
IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF YOU WERE UNLUCKY ENOUGH IT SUDDENLY COLLAPSED BENEATH YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S LITERALLY NO REASON IT SHOULD BE COLLAPSING!
WOULDN'T IT BE UNFORTUNATE IF YOU DIDN'T THINK TO FLY UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE???
DAMN! WELL. BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME IF YOU RESURRECT.
SO THOSE ARE THE BASICS!
THINGS TO CONSIDER AS WE GET CLOSER TO FINDING OUT WHERE THE FUCK SHE IS.





GOD.
WHERE THE HELL IS TEREZI??
SHE WOULD KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS.

Comments

[ihateyouetc]

OK, MAYBE I SHOULD'VE JUST SAID KNOCK ME OUT OR SOMETHING.
HOWEVER THAT IS, I DON'T EVEN CARE. DON'T HESITATE TO DO IT.
I'M NOT EXACTLY KEEN ON THE IDEA OF ATTACKING MY FRIENDS WHEN I'VE GONE THIS LONG BEING THE ONLY ONE ON MY OLD TEAM WHO DIDN'T FUCKING DO THAT.

[riseup]

sure, i will tell rose to bring her magic sleepy yarn ball or whatever that thing is.
we will make sure you don't hurt anyone.

[ihateyouetc]

I NEED TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT SO YOU GUYS WILL KNOW.
SHE ISN'T STUPID. WHEN SHE DOES IT SHE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT OBVIOUS.

[riseup]

like a signal.

[ihateyouetc]

NOT EXACTLY.
THE SECOND SHE STARTS CONTROLLING SOMEBODY THEY DON'T HAVE A CHOICE IN WHAT THEY DO ANYMORE
LIKE AT ALL.
NOT EVEN IF YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO DO WHATEVER SHE'S MAKING YOU DO.

[riseup]

ok, so how will we know?
we could assign somebody to be your mind control babysitter.
they don't get to do anything but watch you.

[ihateyouetc]

THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, DAMMIT.
IT'S BULLSHIT IF SOMEONE HAS TO WASTE THEIR TIME WATCHING ME.
THE ONLY WAY THAT WOULD BE PLAUSIBLE IS IF THEY COULD DO A FUCKING TON OF THINGS AT THE SAME TIME.

[riseup]

yeah, if only they could be in a bunch of places at once.

[ihateyouetc]

I'M TRYING TO THINK IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO'S REALLY GOOD AT STUFF LIKE THAT.

[riseup]

yeah, i got nothing.
i guess we could ask rose if she knows anyone?

[callbacks]

maybe tavros??
i mean he probably wont be doing anything much

[riseup]

no way.
i mean, don't get me wrong, tavros is a good dude and a great coat rack.
i just don't think he can multitask well enough for this.

[ihateyouetc]

YEAH, JOHN'S GOT A POINT.
PLUS THERE'S THE WHOLE THING WITH HIM BEING A PRETTY GOOD TARGET FOR MIND CONTROL TOO.
I MEAN, SEEING AS SHE ALREADY JUMPED HIM OFF A CLIFF ONCE.

[callbacks]

oh yeah
i guess itd be pretty insensitive to ask him to do that
man
i wish jade were here
she could be pretty much everywhere at once
well sort of not at once but definitely everywhere

[riseup]

heheheh, then jade would be a dogsitter again.

[callbacks]

hahahahaha
a tunic patterned with human dogs

[roseate]

[riseup]

*dress patterned with human dogs.

[callbacks]

oh hey rose whats up

[roseate]

All parties should take a moment to review this entire conversation and come to the obvious conclusion.
If this is beyond your capabilities,
I'm disowning you all.

[ihateyouetc]

WAIT
YOU MEAN YOU??????
I KNOW YOU'RE A SEER AND EVERYTHING BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
LIKE, YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE BETTER STUFF TO BE DOING??

[riseup]

i can't do it, i'll be busy shoving my desus at vriska or something.

[callbacks]

[riseup]

just tell us!!!

NOT HERE

[hypertoxic]

[ It's ok, Rose.

When Vriska comes back to find this post in a few days she will, for once, lament and intensely sympathize with the bullshit you must put up with on a daily basis.

Solidarity, sister. ]