[Audio]

[sincenewyork]

[The first sound is of someone clearing his throat -- and it comes from every smartphone on the island as they all switch on.]

Mass broadcast function, okay, here goes. Good phone design, by the way, very intuitive. Especially the overrides.

[The volume scales up for a moment, until it echoes off building faces.]

If I could have everybody's attention for just a minute -

[Volume back to normal.]

Why is there a big building in the middle of town with my name on it? Usually I sign papers for those. Maybe draw up plans... the point is, I should have heard about it, and I didn't. Where am I now, Hong Kong? This looks like Lantau Island. Lantau Island? Everybody from Lantau Island, hands in the air.

Okay, now put your hands down and let me know where I am. I can't see you, I'm broadcasting.

Comments

[sincenewyork]

You're really a cyborg? Hydraulics, electronics, computer chips, wrapped up in a fleshy casing like a sausage? A sausage that looks like Avan Jogia?

[badnewsboy]

Surprise!

[sincenewyork]

You want to shed some light on this, Tiny Tim?

[badnewsboy]

Loki.

And the light that I would like to shed is dependent on the amount of frozen cream offered.

[sincenewyork]

One gallon.

Santa's Little Helper.

[badnewsboy]

Pistachio and chocolate fudge. I'll raise you cream of the whipped variety in one of those aerosol cans in which the Midgardians are so fond.

Thor's Little Helper.

What would you like to know?

[sincenewyork]

Thor's Little Helper, we have a deal.

Everything you know about people not me building robots smart enough to talk back. Every time you give me something I don't know but actually believe, I will raise you a topping.

[badnewsboy]

They seem all the rage where I'm from. Though I'd say that many of them hold the same consciousness of any mortal, despite how or why they were produced.

There's a you where I come from as well. We've met before.

You've done something for us, but it seems to be escaping me.

Excuse you, his canon lookalike is gael garcia bernal

[notvictorious]

Yes, way to make it sound gross. Who's- neverminfd.

[sincenewyork]

And I suppose it's totally out of the question to let me take a look under the hood.

Wait, before I ask that, how old are you?

[notvictorious]

Eres raro- Yes, obviously that's out of the question.

According to New Moore records, I'm 20 years old.

[sincenewyork]

Fifteen minutes, five thousand dollars.

[reanimated]

HE IS NOT YOUR WHORE

[notvictorious]

DUDE

[sincenewyork]

I am genuinely offended by that.

I would never lowball a call girl that way.

[notvictorious]

Hey!

[notvictorious]

uh

[sincenewyork]

You drive a hard bargain, Gael Garcia. Six thousand, final offer. Don't worry, I'm not interested in any of the locker room bits.

[panchromatic]

UH

[notvictorious]

What do I even say here??

[ofone]

Five minutes, ten thousand dollars.

[notvictorious]

UH

[sincenewyork]

Who are you, his agent?

[reallylovehats]

Forget the rest of 'em. He'll do it for like 30 new hats.

[sincenewyork]

I'm skeptical about your bargaining power.

If I make you a handheld X-ray machine will you scan him for thirty hats? Because there could be room to talk.