ok I know i said a new leaf in 20XX+1 or whatever but first like

who's gonna have the most BANGIN nye partayyyy???? cuz like i mean I'm gonna bring the party no matter where I am but i wanna make sure the group's going to the best one ok

[ The video turns on and shows Lydia Bennet grinning into the camera, shoulders high around her ears and turning from side to side. Lydia Martin sits beside her, not looking up and focusing on her phone, a sour expression on her face. ]

Sooo I've brought Lydia Martin here for a VERY important public service announcement. I know people keep getting us confused so we're here to tell you exactly how we're TOTES different kayyyy?

No one makes that mistake.

[ Lydia Bennet side eyes, grimaces, and then turns back to the camera, and smiles sunnily as if nothing was said. ]

Okay, so the first, EASIEST difference is that I'm the fun Lydia, and she's the mean Lydia.

[ Lydia Martin tilts her head to the side, barely looking up from her phone, and murmurs an agreement. ]

However, we're BOTH redheads.

[ Lydia Martin glances up, and looks Lydia Bennet up and down, a judgmental expression on her face. ]

Technically, mine is strawberry blonde. And it's natural.

[ Pointed stare from Lydia Martin. ]

Ooookay. So like, I have a super hot boyfriend, and Lydia's single.

Debatable.

What that my boyfriend's not super hot??? Because he is. Or that you're not single? OH EM GEE DISH.

Both.

You can't say mean things like that about my Vicksypoo, it'll hurt his feelings.

It's not mean, it's just a critical analysis of someone's attractiveness. I'm just saying he's not my type. And he's boring.

[ Lydia Martin puts down her phone, and sighs. She's obviously run out of lives on Sweet Squash. ]

You forgot that I’m the smart Lydia.

[ Lydia Bennet’s face falls, then brightens as she opens to say something— then stops. You can tell she's had one of those silent debates in her head, and then thought better of whatever she was going to say. ]

We’re both pretty fashionable, aren’t we.

[ Lydia Martin gives her a silent once over, and looks unimpressed. Lydia Bennet either doesn’t notice, or pretends not to care. ]

I’m in college and the other Lydia’s still in high school! And I’ve been a dragon! Multiple times! Lydia Martin’s just been crazy naked in the woods. Multiple times.

[ Lydia Martin’s eyes suddenly hyper focus on Lydia Bennet, rage on her face. ]

One time! I’ve been naked ONE TIME.

[ Lydia Bennet giggles. ]

That’s not what I heard—

[ Lydia Martin’s reaching for the phone as Lydia speaks, and the video feed is interrupted. ]

Thanks to weirdly silent child, weird forest child, that nice Japanese kid, Dave's friend, Dave's other friend, and of COURSE my totes true budz Nathan and Ramona and my purrrrrfect boyfriend Vicks for getting me out of the TV. Belated but whatexvs okay, I've been dealing with shit.

Ha ha ha identity crises are totes fun for everyone right!!?!?!? Okay, lie, they suck, but like, I am not my lame-o sister. I am not going to broadcast my mental breakdown on this dumb channel, ok? Well I mean. Not nemore. Im seeing the school counselor like a normal person.

Anyway Nathan vicks and I came up with a nice diagram too hehe

Okay, I'm totes sadzoes that nice older Vicks is gone but I love my roboboyfriend in every format so it's aaaaall gooood

what's not all good is my TOTES AWFUL LAMEZOID SISTER!!!!! she needs friends, so Lizzie, check this list and get crackin on new friendships:

1. Souji Seta - HAWTTIEEEE
   
2. Princess Bubblegum - she likes science as much as you like grad school
   
3. Simca - maybe she can totes teach you how to be kewl???
   
4. Kara Zor-El - its supergirl nuff said
   
5. Clara Oswald - she seems super brill and shes been on TOOONS of adventures maybe she can teach you a thing or two about priorities
   
6. Sirius Black - do i seriously need to say more
   
7. Katniss Everdeen aka Jlaw - NUFF SAID
   
8. Finnick Odair - he's like Wickham but less douchey
   
9. Terra - tall dark and handsome, hopefully legal?
   
10. Oncey - nuff said
    
11. Remy Lebeau -older, cooler, hotter
    
12. Darcy Lewis - chick keeps shit real
    
13. Alisha Bailey - dunno why I didn't think of this before
    
14. Sarah Manning- she works at a bar, you could learn some stuff, like you know, how to LIGHTEN UP
    
15. Ramona Flowers - I mean cmon totes the kewlest realest girl on da island

OK KISSES HAVE FUNSIES XOXOXOXOXOXOX0!!!!!!!!!!!

This summer camp counselor thing isn't so hard. I mean like kids cry all the time right? Whatevsies