thoughtformed | The Mother of All Logs

The older woman stumbles back, instinctively ducking a bit of rock, and slides into a defensive stance, angry and disoriented. What--? Oh no.

Immediately, she shuts down. Hard. All emotion is wiped from her face as she raises her open hands. The flying debris grinds to a halt in midair. Then lowers piecemeal as she directs each piece back to its original resting place. Or as close to it as she can manage. People are staring, getting to their feet, pressing against store windows, warily looking for anything else falling from the sky. Finally everything is more or less in place, and Lin can step away from Koizumi into the middle of the road, commanding attention as effortlessly as a feared principal entering the schoolyard.

"If everyone would please sit down or brace against a wall." Mothers gather their children closer and everyone hurries to obey. A flick of her hands and the lesser gravel and dust swirls into the air away from the people, then funnels down to fill in around the broken patches.

Lin takes a deep, fortifying breath. If she caused this, the least she can do is fix it. At least... if she can fix it. She clears her mind. Adopts a wide-based stance. And pushes.

A ripple rolls outward from her, slow and smooth, the pavement dipping and crumbling, and returning to its original height smooth and even. There are, of course, a few places where it doesn't quite work and the sidewalk is cracked, the asphalt of the street humped as though some animal is sleeping under it. But for the most part, everything fits.

She straightens, inclines her upper body in a half bow to the hushed pedestrians, and glances back over her shoulder at her... victim. She can't rightly think of him as a friend now. Not when she'd pushed herself on him so brashly, and endangered him in addition. Quietly, impassively, she says "I'm sorry." and starts off down the street.

Koizumi bites off a sigh of relief as the rocks and gravel stop whizzing about and Lin starts putting everything back into place. Nobody was hurt, and everything was all right. No real problems. She'd just have to be careful until she got her memories back - presumably she knew how to deal with this before, but without her memories she's forgotten how to control her powers. He sees her face shut down when she starts concentrating and steps away from him, but it doesn't worry him too much - he had seen her 'working' face before. He was confident she'd be done soon enough.

He takes a moment to take stock of what had just happened between them. Lin was a friend, but... he wasn't actually sure how much he liked Lin romantically. He didn't dislike her, and he had responded to her advances very enthusiastically.

Perhaps this was partially just a response to being confused and alone, though - losing all your memories, the very essence of who you are, could make you reach out and feel more intensely about the people who are there for you.

Right now, she was about the only real connection he had; his emotions were running too high, and he had too little experience with - well, with life - to really figure out how he felt. He had nothing with which to compare their relationship, romantic or otherwise. That was okay, though - they would just have to be careful, and they could figure this out slowly.

He was worried that Lin might take what she had accidentally done too harshly - it really wasn't her fault, but she might have trouble seeing that. He was very surprised, however, when she looked back at him. Her face was still completely closed off, her body tense, and her eyes... unsettling, shocking. He couldn't tell what it was with them, but upon seeing them, he just froze. Something wasn't right - and he could tell that this was somehow about more than just tearing up the sidewalk. What was she apologizing for?

He manages to regain himself just a few moments after she starts walking away, quickly trying to catch up. When he speaks, his voice is urgent and very concerned; his face is extremely open and expressive, managing to show just how confused and upset he is, hoping against hope that his one current friendship hadn't just somehow been ruined, though one might misinterpret the cause of his unhappiness.

"Wait! Lin, wait up! What's wrong?"

Even without her memories, Lin won't bow her head. She knows, somehow, that it's important to own up to your mistakes, and she won't let herself do anything less. She doesn't stop walking, though she does slow down a little so that he can catch up. "That was poor judgement on my part. It shouldn't have happened." She's retreated firmly into herself, trying to separate out her roiling emotions and force them back into their boxes. The problem is, none of them make a lot of sense. All of them are extremely entangled, not to mention reluctant to let go when they've got such a foothold. She clearly needs to practice her control - maybe that's why it felt so strange to be able to laugh and smile and enjoy the moment. Well, now that she knows that it's a problem, she'll just have to set about fixing it. She'll just stay calm until she can reach someplace she can release it all. Maybe that large park near the beach.

Koizumi looks surprised again, then looks away, seemingly downcast - though he keeps up with her, matching her stride.

She... doesn't like him, then?

Ignoring the feeling in the pit of his stomach, he turns back to her, concealing how he was really feeling.

"Nobody was injured. You will have to be careful until you can remember how to contain your powers, but there was no harm done. And if you didn't know that could happen, you could hardly be blamed for what happened."

Edited 2012-12-28 09:42 (UTC)

He keeps talking... It's distracting. How can she keep a tight hold on her abilities and wrestle her desire, regret, shame, fear, nerves... She couldn't get a grip on anything. She didn't think that she felt a strong romantic attraction to the boy, but why else would she have responded that way to his mere presence? And there was no doubt that she had started that, not him. She had pressured him into it - pretty literally - and she couldn't forgive herself for forcing that on him.

She shakes her head as if to discourage a buzzing insect. No one was injured. Aang's beard, she suddenly felt old. Old and exhausted. (Who was Aang and why did he have a beard? Question for another time.) A soft huff escaped her. "That depends on your view," she said tersely. A short pause was followed by, "It was blind luck that I didn't aggravate your own hurts."

Koizumi looks startled, nearly astonished; his eyes widen and he involuntarily halts momentarily in surprised. This certainly was not what he had expected when he had seen that look in her eyes.

"The kiss?!

Lin... it takes two people to share a kiss like that. I admit, that was... very strange. I get the feeling it was extremely out of character for me. However, my hurts are not that bad, and I was just as enthusiastic as you."

As he catches back up to her, he reaches out and hesitantly puts a hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know how I feel about you. Everything's too jumbled and confused. However, if you'd let me, I'd like to stick around and figure it out."

If she were any less clamped down, she might have snapped his wrist, given her nerves. As it is, she only stiffens in an aborted attempt to slip away from his touch. Rationally, she knew that he was right. He had responded just as eagerly as she had advanced, if with a little more decorum. But it had still been she who forced herself on him in the first place. No wonder he wasn't sure how he felt about her - she swallowed the bitter anger the phrase caused, reminding herself that she wasn't sure about him, either. The whole experience was very unsettling. But there wasn't a good reason to deny him.

"I intend to go," her lips twitch in what might have been a tight, angry smile, but it's gone too quickly to be sure, "throw rocks around where they will do less harm to the surrounding architecture." The warning is plain in the lack of inflection - if he comes, he'll have to stay out of her way until she's ready. Or at least until she's tired herself out.

His hand draws back immediately when he feels her stiffen. It was extremely unclear what the boundaries were between them right now, but he did not want to overstep them.

"I understand." That's all he says, and he continues to walk beside her, though at a slightly increased distance. Near enough it was clear they were walking together, but not so close that it might make her uncomfortable. He hears the warning in her voice - he's ready to wait for as long as it takes.

He still wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but he did know he was going to do everything in his power to make it right.

Embroiled in her own inner struggles, Lin didn't speak all the way to the beach. Giving her companion a stern look and pointing at a nearby bench, she marched out into the sand.

It started out small, with forms and stances that lead into larger, more complex motions that ripped up the landscape. A full hour she spent dragging stone from the sand and wave to hurl them about in a show of strength and power unburdened by the restrictions usually present. Anger, self-recrimination, disgust, confusion - all were spent to fuel the condensing, lifting, cracking, powdering of earth. In the end, having exhausted her reserves, she let the stones lay where they fell, and simply smoothed the sands into a more even layer around them.

She still didn't understand what had just happened back there, or whether or not it was genuine feeling, but at least in this condition she was unlikely to cause anyone physical harm without meaning to. Nevertheless, she took a moment to compose herself before retreating from the field.

He follows her unspoken direction quietly, though he sits cross-legged slightly in front of the bench, as opposed to actually sitting on top of it.

He watches calmly and without complaint from behind her, seeming relaxed and content to wait there for as long as she needed. It was an impressive display, no doubt, but though he was contemplating the spectacle, his thoughts were elsewhere, all concentrated on her and her feelings. On what had happened between them.

He remains still and quiet as she slowly retreats from the field, the wind gently tugging at his hair. His eyes have recently closed, though he remains very aware of her. He waits for her to broach the topics that need discussion, so as not to push her.

Lin has calmed down considerably, and even if she is uneasy, she's pushed it back to a more reasonable position not so close to the surface. Even so, she doesn't want to sit, instead opting to stand a few feet away, shifting so that she doesn't stiffen up. ...He's not going to say anything is he. In a way, this might be easier if he wasn't so reasonable. Fine then. Time to show a little backbone.

"I don't know what happened back there, but whatever it was, it shouldn't have happened. Without our memories there is too much that we don't know about our lives and the situations we find ourselves in. From an emotional standpoint, I'm still uncertain as to how I feel about it. There is clearly something there, but it shouldn't have been that intense so suddenly. Otherwise that would have happened the other day while we were out and about. There was certainly enough adrenaline for it, and enough quieter activity. Plenty of opportunity. We didn't kiss then. So I'm not sure what to think." She found that while she could start out watching him for reactions, bu the end of it, she had to look away, out toward the dark waters. But she didn't pull further away, or pace. Somehow she felt that a victory.

His eyes open slowly as she begins talking, and he looks at her straight on, unwavering. He feels more hurt by the 'it shouldn't have happened' than he feels is really reasonable, as her argument is perfectly logical and, what's more, he agrees with it. One again, he just didn't have enough experience to puzzle it out - though a little of his hurt had certainly shown through on his face.

He looked at her a couple moments longer, after she had stopped looking back and after she had stopped talking. Then his gaze dropped, and he responded slowly and gently. "Yes. We don't know ourselves enough to know what we think or how we feel about each other." A sigh. The hurt he feels - or his reluctance to agree - is not subtle, much as he might have wished it to be. "It shouldn't have happened so suddenly, or so intensely."

A pause, and then, with a little more concern and intensity: "It cannot be denied, however, that something triggered our reactions. Though it was not appropriate, it feels as though... the foundation is there. That we have thoughts and feelings that forming a relationship that - eventually, with more time - could have made it appropriate?" Though it started out very solidly, the statement ends in a more uncertain and questioning tone, implicitly asking if she agreed with his take on the situation. He looks back up at her as his question ends, eyebrows worried. His face is completely open and, at the moment, he looks extremely vulnerable.

... He gets the feeling that he was not used to feeling this way. Or perhaps not used to allowing himself to feel this way, though there was little enough he could do about it now.

Edited 2013-03-17 10:58 (UTC)

She's hurt him... Maybe that would teach him that he shouldn't be interested. It had nothing to do with her own hurt and confusion. Right, and the sun rose in the west. She swallows against the guilt and tries to attend to what he's saying. He... still wanted to pursue it? Hope flared painfully under her ribs in complete disregard for the logical arguments she'd been rehashing for the last hour. She shoots him a startled look, caught in a moment of frightening yearning, and seeing it mirrored in his face shakes her to the core. She... She doesn't make people feel like that. She doesn't know how she knows that, but she does. The conviction resonates strongly, like the echo of bedrock.

And just look at them! He's young and handsome, maybe, what, early twenties? She remembers his mature responses and hastily revises that estimate up a few years. And she's.. well. Older. Not old, necessarily, but at least a decade or two over him. Didn't that bother him? Something about it made her uneasy. But then, should it matter? She doesn't think the nauseating flop of her stomach is a good sign.

She studies him for a long moment. Finally she says, "Maybe... It would be a risk. Possibly quite a large one."

He looks down as a noise bubbles up in him, something that's almost a laugh, though it's distorted by fear and uncertainty and the sheer intensity of his emotions. Seriously, though, considering that dead space and how calmly he'd reacted to attacks and responded to situations over the past few days: "From what I can of my past life, I'm no stranger to risk." He glances sideways back up at her, considering the zombies and just how well she'd fought them with her power over the rocks. "At a guess, neither are you."

Yeah, all right. She's earned that. A twitch of her eyebrows and the lift of her lips says that she recognizes it. "No. But it's not a physical risk, and you know it. I'm talking emotional and social risks, which have much more lasting consequences." She turns her gaze back out over the stone-studded sands. "Though the tangible and intangible are more intertwined with me."

A considering pause. The line about tangible and intangible probably isn't actually true, but he hasn't told her anything about the dead space. And while she probably deserves to know, that would not improve or simpplify matters at the moment.

When he speaks, his voice is calm but confident, self assured. More than that, though, his voice is nearly raw - a result of the hurts and surprises over the past few days, so that he was completely open, completely sincere. And once again, completely vulnerable.

"That's true enough. But the fact is that that is true of any relationship. Some moreso than others, depending on the situation and the nature of the relationship, but they all contain some measure of risk. That's what we, as humans, do when we interact with one another."

He turns sideways to look up at her solidly, and his eyes - though slightly sorrowful - are piercing, fierce, almost challenging. "I don't know a lot. I have a memory of less than four days, at present. But from what I've seen and from what I feel, truly feel - whether the relationship pans out or whether you end up hurt, it's worth taking that risk, every time."

Edited 2013-03-24 21:27 (UTC)

That naked emotion resonates too closely with her own mental state and she suppresses a shiver low in her stomach. But it's the challenge that stiffens her backbone and sends a wash of determination and defiance to flush her skin. She isn't really prepared for such a reaction - this is something beyond thought, solidly rooted in her psyche, apparently deep enough to cause a physical response. But why? And why was her instinct to either hit him or kiss him? For that matter, why was her instinct to shy away from the mere thought of a relationship? No. Not the time for distractions. He really wanted to carry this through. Her chest is tight, and she realizes that she is staring.

Closing her eyes a moment, she takes a deep, steadying breath and presses her fingers to the bridge of her nose. There are a lot of things she could say here. And most of them are wishy-washy. So instead she looks back up at him seriously. "All right. If it's something that continues after everyone's memory returns, we'll revisit at that point."

His eyes lose some of their intensity, and he looks down, nodding slowly in agreement. It makes sense to wait for their memories to return before making that decision, whatever the hot feeling in his stomach was telling him right now. He just... he feels like their memories are going to make everything much more difficult and complicated, in ways he currently wishes they don't have to worry about.

"All right. Agreed."

The Mother of All Logs

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