It seems there's been a mass immigration to the island earlier this week. As many of you are still settling in your new environment, I'm sure you have many questions about this place. While I can't assure you I have all the answers, as a contract representative of the New Moore Police Force, please utilize me as a resource.

Kanji, did you get a roommate as well? They've assigned me with someone.

this place is turning into a regular party.

Well that's brilliant. You're nobody, then the most important person in the universe, then nobody again and now not even real?? Think that might have something to do with why my head feels like a mac truck's run through it.

Right then. All this talk about kiddie parties is fun and all, but I can't be the only one who thinks something's up. Definitely worth investigating.

Ah! There are new people in town again!

That means it's time for a

PIZZA PARTY!

If everyone brings a dollar and at least twenty people show up we can get the extra-larges and have at least a full piece for everyone! If at least thirty people show up there will be different kinds of pizza and two pieces each!

In the midst of great hardship, it's best to be friendly and cheerful, so I look forward to seeing you all at the pizza parlor!

Well isn't this a fine how-do-you-do.

Is every new world going to be like this? Everyone always telling me I'm not this or not that. Not a real 'timelord', not a real person, not a real adventurer.

I feel pretty real to me.

Lots of new people in town, huh? Belgi, we should get some new pastries together on the menu to welcome everyone!

My name is Sergeant Lightning Farron. I'm an officer of the New Moore police force, and since there's a lot of new people in town, I thought it best to reiterate that if any of you are caught breaking the law, you will be punished.

Don't screw it up for the rest of us.

Caffè Sospeso Is Now Hiring

—Must be eligible to work in your home country.
—Feel free to ignore the Spanish bastard in the corner.
—WE ARE NOT A FUCKING STARBUCKS.

Any interested parties should apply in person. Ask for Romano or Belgium.

I heard there's a welcoming committee that keeps track of new residents, so I went down to check it out before school. Still no Molly, Klara or Chase.

Having a kinda island facebook like this is pretty cool though? uh or is that just me..

A lot of new faces were at school today.. it was kind of exciting!

Welcome to New Moore, everyone. Its not so bad, once you get used to it, I promise.

ugh all these new people and STILL no Prada store!!

Where are the priorities!!

New Moore, why is it that when I'm finally in an environment positively rife with material for a film, the camera crew decides to abandon me?

I can't say I'm surprised. What does Josh do that's so interesting? Oh, I'm sorry, did I say interesting? I meant GOOD FOR GENERATING FISCAL REVENUE FOR CAPITALIST PIGS WITH LAVISH LIFESTYLES. Yes, camera crew, I'm onto you! Josh isn't going around creating sexual attention. You're sent directly from the UNIVERSITY OF ART AS BUREAUCRACY. You're only interested in one thing: CASH. And what brings cash? SMASH. And what makes a smashing sound? NUBILE ADOLESCENT BODIES ORBITING EACH OTHER IN THE SPACE OF RELATIONSHIPS UNTIL THEY FINALLY SMASH. Fine! Go! Leave me! Go follow my friends on their adventures with hormones and beer bongs and pregnancy scares! I will be here making my ART.

That's right, New Moore. You are in the presence of a true artist. I still have my camera, and now I'm turning it on you. You were fictional your whole life? Then you should be used to this. Stop wincing. Stand up straight. Shoulders back, head up, truth on your face. Are you ready for your close up?

Do I care?

Do you care?

Does anyone care?

Does anyone care about art?

WHAT IS ART?

WHAT IS(LAND) ART?

I believe we've stumbled onto a new project, New Moore.




P.S. Michael, if you are hiding somewhere, do come out already. My new roommate is inferior.

These living arrangements are fine.

If I do not go home right now, I will make sure personally that each one of you pay.

All right, counselor. You want me to talk about my feelings? I feel like this kind of cuddly orientation bullshit is for green cadets. I feel like this wouldn't be mandatory if some paper-pusher up the line wasn't upset about filing the incident reports every time your guards or doctors crossed a line and I crossed back. I feel like if you want me to talk about my feelings, you should get your scientist buddies to “collectively will” me into sharing them. I feel like hearing the explanation that I'm fictional was about as big a waste of my time as you'll feel like reading this is a waste of yours.

 

Now will you let me get on with my day and do something useful?

My honor is dead.

If this insane, backwards place isn't another fever dream or the result of Uncle brewing the wrong kind of leaves into tea again, then I was never a prince.  I wasn't even an actor pretending to be a Prince -- I was nothing more than a puppet.  I wasn't real.  The soldiers I was banished to save were never on their picture-stage so they weren't real, either, and I lost my honor for nothing.  Then I sold it for nothing, to a sister who never existed, who I should have known would be trapping me in another lie -- one too big even for her.  I guess, if that means Uncle never existed either, that I shouldn't worry about betraying him, or letting him down -- but I'm here, and that was something I did.  It's still my fault.

Aaah!  None of this makes any sense!