Just as a public safety announcement, try to remember not to drink too much. Or if you can manage it, try the orange juice. I find it's usually either Mimosas or Screwdrivers. Either way, more orange juice than alcohol, and it fills you up rather well. Unless it's got tequila in it.

For those of you on medication, I feel I must remind you that it wouldn't be wise to continue your prescription for the time being, as many medications have adverse affects when mixed with alcohol. I'll have the surgery doors open for those of you with hangovers who need a place to lay in darkness and in quiet while the symptoms subside. I'll try to keep coffee brewing, but there's no guarantee that it won't turn Irish.

I would like to invite you all to participate in a scientific study with me.

I intend to use the results in class, so please be precise in your reporting.

The study is simple: whenever you are about to come in contact with a fluid, through ingestion or immersion, note the time, the fluid in question, and the amount.

After contact, update your notes with whether or not it was as expected, and the resultant nature of the experience.

Then we will be able to calculate the probability of the quantum event transforming various substances into ethanol compounds.

We will also be able to determine if it is truly random, or linked to the preferences of the individual, and whether it appears that some of us are being targeted.

The general population serves as a control group. I would also like volunteers to drink as many apparently ethanol-free beverages as they can, to aid in brute-force calculation of the probabilities involved.



Alois, I have purchased a case of soda for you.

[Jack is sitting in a tree, comfortably between two branches. He uses his other hand to idly swing his staff.]

Guess he didn't get enough attention the first time. How about a game? For those of you who are uptight about the whole thing, I can make water.

[He holds the staff out, just loosely holding it, watching the ice curl around his fingertips and flow into the wood.] If you don't mind melting ice water. Who wants to see if it stays water?

Where is everyone from? Is there a database? I will start one if there isn't one already.