[A tall, broad-shouldered figure wearing a metallic blue and silver suit under a long tan trenchcoat is standing before the camera, loosely holding what looks almost like a short-bladed lightsaber in one hand.]

I'm not going to waste my time here, since we both know it's limited.  Plan A is to have a long, private conversation about the current situation.  Even though you're hiding, I could probably find you.  I know how you think.  But I won't take chances and I won't risk the delay with something of this magnitude.  Plan B... you can probably figure out for yourself, but let's make it explicit: there's a reason this is a public broadcast.  While I'd prefer to do this with a little more finesse, I can straighten this mess out without you by speaking four simple words.  You know the ones.

[He turns, just slightly.]

For the sake of everyone else watching this: I'm currently looking for Kyo... ah, that is, for a high schooler called Kyon.

I can't believe he let everyone call him that for so long.

I don't mean him any harm; in fact, I'm here to help sort out his mistakes, but he's been avoiding me, which is bad both for him and potentially for the rest of you.  If you've seen him at any time in the last day, please contact me via his phone.  If you aren't willing to do that, find him and show him this video.  In six hours, I'm moving to Plan B.

I'm sure you all have your reasons, but if it is at all possible to concentrate your violence away from our place of business, it will be very appreciated.

[Island, have just what you've never known you needed: a pair of kaworus, exactly identical in every detail, keeping one eye on one another and another on the camera. At first, they speak in unison.]

It's interesting.

[Here they pause to exchange smiles and laughter, in unison at first but diverging partway through, after which they take turns speaking.]

It seems as though everyone's more experienced selves -

- are either possessed of the certain self-knowledge that their past selves will not listen -

- or are caught up in a cyclical pattern of self-loathing leading them to precipitous action. Or -

- their past selves are threatened and resentful, afraid of the future...

[Unison again.]

or are caught up in a cyclical pattern of self-loathing leading again to precipitous action.

[They sigh, shaking their heads. Then the one on the left takes over.]

We found it far more effective to delay action until we were certain we understood one another. Now, our situation has been resolved to our mutual satisfaction.

[The one on the right picks up the thread.]

And we've been able to devote time to learning from one another and enjoying the company of a uniquely complementary perspective.

[Now left again.]

It's been fascinating to discover the kinds of insights my own past can offer me. That a future version has greater experience is evident to everyone, but there are benefits to reversing the exchange as well.

[And the right.]

Shinji, if you're free, we'd like to spend some time together before this window of opportunity closes.

You guys royally messed up your futures, huh.

WHO: Tommy and Simca
WHAT: coming back from the end of the world 10 years late with chinese food, because he misses her face
WHEN: Thursday night, Simca's apartment

( good news he's finally legal )