I woke up this morning to a man standing outside the door to my apartment... He says he's my man-servant. I.. I didn't order this. I can't afford to pay someone to clean and do stuff around here...

Sempai? Help. What do I do with him?

Who is this man on my computer screen, and why has he not seen fit to wear a shirt? Is there a way to remove it? I admit, this technology remains a bit beyond me.

I think all of the food in our apartment must have gone bad, but... how is that possible? I just went shopping a few days ago.

Maybe our fridge is broken. I'll have to take a look at it once I get something non-toxic to eat. Everything I have in the apartment tastes acidic... even things that don't normally have any kind of acid in them.

... this has nothing to do with my refrigerator, does it.

This digital mail is eternally frustrating. All of a sudden, I'm receiving an influx of advertisements for herbal remedies I most certainly do not need, and misspelled missives that are supposedly from "ambassadors" of foreign countries begging for money. Not very becoming of them, I must say.

They're coming in almost faster than I can delete them. Is there no way to filter such garbage? Here I thought I nearly had this technology sorted out. It's certainly my area of expertise.

i qplw up vlinss

o wike up vlins


o 2oil3 up flinw fliwnr flinr f v b

blind

i woke up blisnd

What does this mean?

...I really didn't do anything!

Oookay, I think I'm going to need a pro/con list for this morning.

PRO (?)
My desktop is a half-naked guy?

CON
Wait, is that Nic Cage? Never mind.

PRO
Someone delivered these um metal wings!!

CON
...how do they work?

Well, that was...really unhelpful.

Okay, I really could have lived without the half-naked celebrity on my desktop.

What kind of virus IS this?

the 2un ii2 tryiing two worm iit2 2hiity a22 iintwo my room, but gue22 what, no entry allowed, you are deniied for liife, fucker.
anyway ii woke up wiith thii2 piiece of 2hiit takiing up 2pace iin my room, iit look2 liike another lame human contraptiion that ii2 2o behiind iit2 not even funny anymore.
2eriiou2ly iif you're gonna giift me wiith 2hiit, at lea2t go for 2omethiing that doe2n't look liike iit2 anciient hii2tory.
but whatever iill probably fiind 2ome u2e for thii2 later iif ii ever feel liike iit.
by the way check thii2 out.

[ VISIBLE TO EVERYONE EXCEPT DAVE & ERIDAN ]

2tupiid_piiece_of_2hiit.exe
iim done me22iing wiith iit, iit2 a2 good a2 iit2 gonna get.
workiing wiith human codiing ii2 a paiin iin the a22.


[ VISIBLE TO DAVE ONLY ]

iit2_pe2terbun2_for_you.exe
you're welcome.

and iif you can't 2ee anythiing, you're out of luck.

Aw, shucks.

This ain't even the weirdest place I've woke up in after a nighta heavy drinkin! I can say the half naked men are a pretty nice touch though. Somebody wanna tell me where I can find some of that?

Right. I'm gonna find myself a nice place to have a drink and wait for backup. If anyone wants to join me, I can guarantee a good story or two. Or six or seven. Lady Blackhawk's stories never end.

Look what I've been making!

I'm not done yet, I'm going to make it HUGE and it's going to take up A WHOLE ROOM when I'm done!!

[Something has been draped over the camera, so nothing is visible except for occasional flashes of yellow, red, or polka-dot around the edges of the screen.]

I... I can't even get the nose to come off.

I GOT A SECOND MUTANT POWER!!!!!!!!!!



Awesome!

Somebody likes me very much.

Though admittedly, they don't work nearly as well as I would like. It's still fun though, so who am I to complain about my gift?

who the fuck is this.