[For those of you about to suffer through your first day at New Moore may be expecting some sort of announcements following the first bell. You may or my not realize that said announcements seem to be taking longer than last year to turn on...

When they do turn on, it's abruptly, ringing through the halls with a lot of static and background buzz. Somewhere in that buzz it sounds like some sort of commotion is going on. Suddenly, Haruhi's voice!! It sounds like she's facing away from the mic, at least at first.]

Ah, is this it? Is it on now?

[The commotion noises momentarily increase.]

Dang it, Kyon, will you hold the door!! I didn't mean for you to check!

[Her voice gets louder and clearer - she's speaking into the microphone now.]

Ah, good morning, New Moore High School!! I guess it's apparent by now, but your morning announcements have been momentarily hijacked -

[Okay, so maybe the AV club members are all temporarily locked into a storage closet. Everyone's a critic]

- for this important announcement from the SOS Brigade! We're a group that seeks out the extraordinary and kicks reason to the curb!! I know this place is full of weird stuff, but if there's anything that you're having trouble with or want a consultation for, we're here to help. We're also recruiting new members, so anyone with an interest should come join us as well. Just so you know, though, we aren't interested in normal humans, so be prepared for that!!

[Someone else's voice in the background. Poor Kyon. Poor Koizumi.]

Huh? Who cares about that kind of stuff, they can find out when they--

Ugh, fine.

We meet pretty much every day after school in that weird clubhouse behind the gym that showed up a month or so ago. Attendance is---!

Ugh, what now?

Really? What kind of half-hearted--

Ugh, okay, fine.

[A more subdued voice.]

Students with scheduling concerns don't have to make every meeting, I guess.

[Annnnd, she immediately perks back up. What is with this girl's mood swings?]

Anyway, students who're interested should come find me or Koizumi-kun. Or I guess Kyon!! Ah, I'm Suzumiya. Let's see, we can be identified by...

[The commotion outside is getting louder. The faculty'll be through the door soon. Kyon can be heard in the background noting that members will be easily recognizable by virtue of being in detention until they are forty.]

I guess we'll make red armbands this afternoon!! So find us using those. That's all!!

[The audio cuts off just as abruptly as it came on, leaving you wondering what the heck is wrong with this girl and how many years they can lock God in detention for, anyway.]

Teachers drink free tonight.

Please remember me fondly.


I expect to be in detention until the end of time.


Te morituri salutamus.

So uh, what's the procedure around here if you're supposed to go to school but kinda... can't at the moment? You know, with having stitches and bruises all up my back which make sitting upright, especially against a school desk, for extended periods of time kind of impossible? Like I'm sure the hospital can prove it happened so I don't get like, marked as a truant or immediately fail out of it.

WHO NEEDS MATH ANYWAY?????

Tests are stupid

This orchestra class is a joke.


And the food is terrible. Is this what all public schools are like? Because they suck. I don't know why I was ever jealous of public school kids. I mean, no offense, but my cafeteria was much better. It may have even made all the poor social skills I learned there worth it.


( Text to Tommy )

Now that I've got my bow back and things have settled down a bit, I'm offering Archery lessons to those who want them. I can offer beginning to advanced lessons, and I work with all skill levels.

If you want any, just let me know.