-- ake, huh? I felt pretty real before someone decided to snatch me up out of Grazton and bring me to this strange backwater town. This is almost embarrassing!

[ 'Almost' being the keyword here. There's a soft, but very much audible 'tch,' then, in a far more personable tone -- ]

So, who would like to help a cute girl out? You don't have to do much, really. Just answer a few simple questions. Piece of cake, right? Any takers? I don't have all day, you know. There's a lot those humes in the weird get-ups didn't bother to say, like who I have to thank for my current predicament or where 'here' is. Better yet, point me in the direction of the nearest skyport and I'll figure things out from there.

[ As she's leaving, which she has every intention of doing. A short beat, then -- ]

There is a skyport around here, isn't there? I haven't heard a single airship since I woke up in that... hospital. [ Right. Hospital. ] Oh, and Cid? Hurdy? If you're around, let me know. That goes for any other members of Clan Gully who may be lurking around here. The sooner we regroup, the better. I don't intend on wasting any more time here than I have t --

[ And that? That would be the very much audible sound of a stomach rumbling with demands. ]

-- to. Say, does anyone know where I can grab a decent bite to eat? We growing girls have to have our three daily meals, you know!

What: A rather atypical self-defense course.
Where: The lawn of New Moore Community College.
When: 5:30 PM, Monday, October 15th.
Who: Anyone who's interested!

As the last afternoon classes of the college let out for the day, Erik stood on the grass in front of the bell-tower, hands clasped behind his back and a wide variety of knives, batons, and other weapons laid out on the grass before him.  Although no-one had arrived for the class yet, milling crowds of rubbernecking students were beginning to orbit the bell-tower, trying to get a better look.

It felt strange to be doing this without Charles, though he certainly expected his old friend to be in attendance, either in person or voyeuristically.  To be doing this in the open, inviting the public, also set his teeth on edge... but the last few weeks had made it clear that everyone trapped here was at threat, mutant or homo sapiens, "fictional" or factual.  The broader support he could gather, from anyone and everyone under the dome, the better.

There.  He could see his first student coming now.  very, very faintly, he smiled.

Officers:
Brigade Chief, Suzumiya Haruhi
Second-in-Command: Koizumi Itsuki
Penalty Secretary: Kyon.

Recurring Members:
John Egbert
Kate Bishop
Allison Argent
Stiles
Nico Minoru

New Members (here willingly):
Scott McCall

Not In Attendance:
Sayaka-chan

Old Business:
-Secretary instructed that if there's anything new with Old Business it will be brought up in new business, and if not we can’t afford to be dwelling on the past!!  IF we’re ever going to get things done our attention should be on the future!  Every meeting should be moving ahead and building on the past, or we’ll never be able to keep up!  Are you taking notes, Kyon?  You’d better be sure to write this down word-for-word!  Don’t waste inspirational material!  Besides, there might be a quiz later, I haven’t decided yet!  Yes, of course you need to be putting the exclamation points in, otherwise no-one will understand the emphasis!  Go back and put them in!  One or two more even!!!  You’d better make sure not to miss anything else important that gets said during the meeting, either!

Secretary’s Note:
While this kind of Red Queen Hypothesis might be true in evolutionary biology, in the real world it’s better to remember what’s happened recently as well, so that the mistakes of the past aren’t repeated.  Also, when every sentence ends in an exclamation point, there isn’t any special emphasis delivered at all.

Kyon, are you paying attention!  Don’t write things that have nothing to do with the task at hand!!

New Business:

-Party recap (too lengthy to reproduce in full; please feel free to add highlights of the dissection -- ah, the discussion -- in the comments).

-Assignment review: apart from the unfortunate observation that New Moore unironically has a late-night cable channel literally titled Skinemax, no definitive findings.

-Kyon’s new roommate looks totally sketchy!  He’s definitely some kind of suspicious character and needs to be investigated right away.  Yes, write it down!  Write it all down!

-Secretary’s Objection: since apparently Haruhi’s roommate has been hoarding guns, and we haven’t yet investigated her, is this kind of reaction really necessary based on snap character judgment?

-Objection overruled!!!!!!!!!!!

-Assignment:  For that matter, everything about this totally suspicious crime wave and power-outage needs to be investigated, down to the smallest detail.  We’ll begin by having every club member compile a complete record of everything unusual that’s happened to them since the beginning of the month.  Don’t leave anything out!

-Investigation into the release and disappearance of Sayaka-san.

Grounds: even if disappearances like this happen all the time, they shouldn’t happen to Brigade members!    We can’t let a cute kohai character like that just slip through our fingers!

Sub-assignment: Formulate possible hypotheses,ask around about people who’ve gone missing before.  And Kyon, get one of those whiteboard thingies!  We can’t conduct an investigation without one, that’s just common knowledge!!

-Question from Miss Argent: does the Brigade have any specific plans for Halloween?
    Several suggestions made, meeting adjourned to give Brigade Chief the time to properly consider them all.  Please submit any new ideas for consideration below.

After-club activity: board games

Island's a season off on everyone's latest lines.

This whole blog thing is overrated, I'm turning this site into pinterest.

Nico, you really can't room here just cause your roommate's an adult. I know you're probably gonna go ahead and do it anyway, but can I at least make my case?

So let me get this straight...

I've been kidnapped. I'll probably never see my family or friends again. You're trying to scar me emotionally by telling me that I'm not real. And on top of all that, you still expect me to go to school? With other students who will never see their family or friends again and are also being told they're not real?

Yeah, sounds completely healthy. This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.