You know what day it is? If you don't I'm very very very very disappointed in you because its for the most important people ever.

Ehem! SO! If you're a mom ...or some paradox-alternate-not-really-a-mom-but-technically-genetically-a-mom mom OR a fantastic mother figure like Miss Ukraine then you get a free thneed and also the cupcake pictured below! From me to you for being pretty darn great.

Ikari Shinji.

Because you are an important person to me, and because you have an attractive figure, I would like to escort you to the upcoming dance.

While, in the absence of familiar faces, I am uncertain what manner of competition I would be facing, I would like to assure you of several reasons why I am a desirable date.

1) Even when events beyond my control forced me into a hostage situation, you were not among those I took captive. This is because of my high regard for you, and also aesthetic appreciation of you.

2) I am financially secure, and would be capable of providing material comforts and entertainments, if there are any that you desire.

3) I have a manly aroma.

4) I only narrowly lost a beauty competition with Alois, who is known to be extremely good-looking as well. (This is something all three of us have in common.)

5) My understanding of humor is progressing.

6) My beats are relatively ill.

Additionally, I am familiar with the concept of 'playing hard to get,' and I can assure you that I will be both ardent and persistent if you wish me to continue demonstrating why we should attend together. I have advisors to appraise me of any nuances of courtship I might overlook, so I can confidently state that I will be 'smooth' as well.

How in the hell did I get roped into chaperoning Prom?

If any of you are expecting me to dress up you have another thing coming.

[It's not like he can't be easily convinced by the women in his life who can kick his ass.]