ugh every time we do pirates, it takes like a solid week to get all the sand outta my clothes.

You'd think pirates means drinking rum on the beach but it is nowhere near that cool. Just lots of sand and bullshitty Lunar Fever accusations. I mean, if you losers gonna call me a witch or whatever, do it cause I'm unkillable, right? Not cause I know about wifi, bitches.

[Definitely stolen, and nor does it appear to particularly want to be carrying the message attached to its leg. It will, however reluctantly, take messages back to its place of origin.

The message is written in smeared red - perhaps blood - on a dirty piece of torn paper.]


S.O.S.

Who: A lonely mermaid and you
What: Dost though hear that fine tune? Go forth, seek out the source.
When: On a particularly sunny but still day
Where: The furthest part of the docks
Warnings: Vocals to die for

( Upon one summer's morning, I carefully did stray )

All right, who wants to fuck everyone's shit up? Please say "aye". Yarr is acceptable to.

[ the voice it echos belongs to a young woman using flirty tones and whispering half her words so you have to lean closer to hear it. leaning close enough to the parrot would have it put its beak to your cheek and make kissing sound ]

Isn't sextant such an interesting word? Just rolls right off the tongue. Sextant. Sextant... Seeex-- Oh! I saw it once, you know. All silver and pointy. If I remember where, I'll share. I'm at the corner if you think you can help me jot my memory or come for a chat or something... It's this red sign and my lovely Nina will be out front to direct you.

And for those not bothering with that, how are you? Tired? I'm not tired. You know, I haven't the slightest idea how some of you let yourselves go bored being trapped. Plenty to do here. Plenty to do.

For instance, you could do a girl in a lovely red dress who forgot to put on her frilly undergarments this morning when she took a dip in a hot spring wearing nothing but her ruby earrings. I suppose anyone would get distracted with steam filling the air and hot beads of water rolling down the soft curved skin of her chest while she lustfully puts her eyes towards the handsome gentleman besides her who- [ the parrot continues but flies away on you just as she starts mentioning physical contact. what a tease. ]

James Potter here, offering a once in a lifetime opportunity - magical maps!
That's right, you heard it here first. Only The Marauders Maps have just what you need for every voyage. Currently offering discounts for first-time customers.

On a more serious note, it seems that a couple of thieves thought themselves within rights to take a five-finger-discount on some of our produce.
We have your descriptions. We'll give you one day to return our map, and that will be the extent of our generosity.
No one steals from the Marauders.