Does this crazy place do Christmas? Not that there seems like much point to it, here. But Sammy would have probably insisted we get a tree, so on the extremely unlikely chance Christmas miracles are real here I'm getting one if I have to chop down one myself.

Hey, kid. You ever pick out a Christmas tree before?

Iiiyaah! I can't believe the morning I've had! First I wake up late, and then I'm late to work! On my way to work I nearly trip into a manhole. I still fell over and scraped up my knees though.

And before you say anything, I am NOT clumsy! I just have a different relationship with gravity, that's all.

And where should I go for lunch? I'm starving!

[See Jake. See Jake not realize that he's currently being recorded. See Jake stare at the boots that have replaced his regular shoes.]

Why do these even fit?

[Yes, he's really confused about all this. He then gets a sudden urge to click the heel of his right foot three times.

There's a flash! This flash, if anything, only serves to highlight the fact that his clothes disintegrated. After a few seconds of suddenly stripped Jake, the clothes reform to that of a witch. And, yes, he now has blond hair and no glasses. Sudden perfect vision get!

Jake has an extremely shocked expression. He stays rooted to the spot for about...half a minute before calmly walking off to the bathroom and closing the door. The distinct click implies that he has locked the door.

If anybody wants to talk to him, he'll only respond in text.]

YOU GUYS I HAVE BOOBS!!

[And he's squishing them enthusiastically, children look away! The outfit America has been granted is sparkly red white and blue; and in true American magical girl fashion, very skimpy.]

Hahahaha, hey Chief I think I might need a new uniform.

[Look, just don't ask how there's a wolf posting on the network when it's obvious he's got no thumbs.]

What's with all the costumed girls running around? Are we in a Disney movie now?

This exponential increase in Puella Magi is incredible. I've never witnessed anything like it.

Ladies, fluffy people, men in all those skirts that flow~ Heh
To you all I give a hello.
How are you all doing today?
I've come up with so many new songs to play
But first, I need a little help with something here.
Would anyone like to be a dear and volunteer?
You see, I need some more space! Lots of space!
Oh. I'm feeling very very suffocated in this place.
It makes me feel sick since it's hard to breathe!
And it's painful like you wouldn't believe.
Anyone want to lend me a hand?
I'll reward you for it with something grand~

All we need to do is clear a few things out...

--the hell is this, now?

[Arthur's voice is far smaller and higher than normal, and he doesn't seem to be.. anywhere near the video, which is showing the inside of his living quarters.]

Blasted wings, this is highly undignified...

[Then, there he is. All three dimly glowing inches of him. Peering at the screen and looking immediately indignant as he realises it's broadcasting. The video cuts off but there's still the sound of him grumbling over audio.]

... As if the sodding pirates weren't bad enough. This is a bloody joke.

[Rodney's voice sounds more refined and calmer than usual as he speaks. And yes, he is misunderstanding the idea of contracts.]

I urge anybody considering a contract to carefully consider the terms and conditions. Seek legal advice if you are able, and if not, for God's sake, read the fine print before you sign. It would not do to have any legal messes.

Lydia, how do you survive an entire day in heels? I've had these things on for an hour and they're killing me already.

[dude if he twists an ankle and can't make it to lacrosse tryouts, he's gonna be so pissed.]