[Lin appears, looking rather battered, bruises blooming beautifully over her cheekbones, a slim layer of gauze taped over her scars, and a long bit of bandage half hidden by the swoop of her hair over her temple. Her eyes are a bit glazed, and when she adjusts her stance it's clear that she has one arm in a sling. When she speaks, it's with a slight blurring of her words and a general air of distraction. It's pretty likely that she's on some painkillers right now.]

Now that the... timelines have resorted themselves, I have three announcements to make.

First... First is a commendation for quick and thorough action by the Avengers and their vigilante allies yesterday. It comes as no surprise, but we have been... remiss in recognizing their efforts.

[The chief nods in what is clearly supposed to be a short, acknowledging sort of way, but mostly winds up looking like she's afraid her head might come off if she's not careful.]

Secondly, while that was going on, the final list of those released has come in. They are as follows:

( Release list )

Any questions concerning these names may be directed... to the police station. The officers and secretary will do their best to answer as fully and clearly as they can.

[Setting down the list, Lin squares her shoulders with a wince and aborts an attempt at a deep breath when it evidently causes her pain.]

This leads me to my third announcement. As of this moment, I am stepping down as chief of police until such time as... my injuries allow me to return to active duty. Officer Koizumi will be similarly relieved of duty. If anyone wishes to visit him, inquire at the hospital. Captain Dangan will be assuming the role of Acting Chief of Police in the interim, and other changes to the roster will be instituted at his discretion. That is all.

[An abrupt motion on her part cuts the feed.]

Who: Itsuki Koizumi and YOU!!
What: Hospital visits
When: Thursday, August 15th through Saturday, August 17th
Where: The hospital
Warnings: physical and mental trauma
( the beginning to a bad week )

"Congratulations!" reads the sign in your lawn. A blinking arrow is pointing to a deep hole in the earth. You feel rumbling or nothing.

Welcome to New Moore.

[Well, hello, hello. Listen to that luxuriously deep and sardonic voice, smooth as silk and hefty enough to carry away all possible distractions from your attention.]

For those wondering why this broadcast is being sent over both the radio and the network, it is simply a matter of publicity and the decline of home FM units. I am your humble radio host, Cecil, here to inform New Moore citizens about any and all news-worthy events, information, and people. From here on out, expect the news on a one-, bi-, tri-, or quatrad-weekly basis. I have set up my own personal radio station in an undisclosed location within the city, which helps to guarantee that citizens have access to the news on time, every time, and in the highest quality possible. Now that you know who I am and what this broadcast is for, onto the news.

Last week, citizens experienced a rather untimely surprise, as many of the residents were possessed by or replaced with their future selves. There is no explanation for this time lapse, this rift in the dimensional clock. While most citizens have either reverted or returned to normal, a few have not. I am sad to report that none of our invisible citizens have returned from whatever limbo their future selves bumped them to. Or perhaps they have. It's difficult to say, as they are, obviously, impossible to see with the naked eye. Perfectly visible but difficult-to-reach experts predict that another "event", not unlike this one or other past horrors, will occur anywhere from one to three weeks from now. So stock up, prepare, and remember: if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, upon later discovery, you can still tell the age of the tree by the rings and teeth inside the trunk.

And now for Community Health Watch! Scientists are now warning against the dangers of sharing beds. "Why, Cecil?" you may ask, confused as to how sharing the warmth of a furry friend or loved one could cause harm. Allow me to urgently tell you the findings of this brand new study: poisonous scorpions have found their way into New Moore, and due to the all-encompassing gloom in their hearts, are bunking up in those doubly-warm beds, seeking the happy radiance of a pair's bond and a toasty place to rest until their dying day. While I am all for animals rights and including animals in all areas of our lives, we must remember that scorpions will sting anything that moves... including those in the bed. Do not risk your life and the life of a loved one by bunking together. Do the smart thing and sleep separately in completely different rooms, preferably in different buildings. That is the only way to assure your safety.

...I have just been handed a letter by one of our local scientists, who was ever so kind enough to stop by to help me keep you, listeners, informed. It turns out the scorpions are particularly attracted to people with blond and/or unusually colored hair, like, say, dusty ocean blue. There is a formula describing the reasons why, however, most of it has been blotted out with what looks to be coal and the blood of a vulture.

...

This has been community health watch.

I recently spoke with one of our local residents, Marceline Abadeer, about the events that plague our happy, liberal burgh. She believes the strange events in New Moore aren't so bad. Quote, "I like all the screaming and confusion. That was fun." Yes, it was fun, Marceline. I think we can all agree that there's nothing like a bout of chaos to keep the mind fresh and the body able. All events are fun.

All events. Are fun.

And now... the weather. [Instead of words, the show cuts to this song.]

In other news, there seems to be a bit of a debacle with brand names in New Moore. As in, there is no way to tell whether a store or product here actually belongs to big business or whether the name is nothing but a front, existing only in one, meager realm of reality. If you allow me to go off record here, I think every single person should open up a brand name store or restaurants here, one that was well known across their home world. That way, we can compare the stores are see how many exactly the same (thus proving said store is a true brand name). Yes, we may end up with ten Subways and just one other deli eatery, but that is a community investment we need to make.

To end tonight's broadcast, I'd like to remind all citizens to report any suspicious, interesting, personal, deadly, or news-worthy information you may encounter in the next week. Such input will help to keep the news both up to-date and relevant to my listeners!

With that, I bid you adieu; sleep well, sleep tight, sleep separately, sleep knowing that somewhere in your room, there is a poisonous scorpion, just waiting for you to share your bedsheets.

Goodnight, dear listeners. Goodnight.