[ Hey, New Moore. Have a blonde, who looks confused, but not really weirded out. ] S'not where I meant to go. Hullo? Can anyone hear me? I'm looking for someone called the Doctor.

[Oops. Someone's phone turned on while still being lectured in the hospital.]

Yes. Thank you. I am well aware of the opinions you OYSTERS have about us 'Wonderlanders'.

Just point me back to where you found me and I'll get out of your hare hair.

Sounds like a plan? That's because it IS one.

Look. You don't want me here. I really don't want to be here. I really don't want to be there, either. In fact, I'd rather be anywhere but either of the two options right now. Just -

HEY

Put that down!

I'm warning you.

Do not

Mess With

My Hat.

[This is... a bit weird for him. Excuse the blind guy.]

-not New York. [He's talking to himself. Obviously. But. It's a lot less crowded and loud than New York is, so he's grateful for that.]

Not sure I should be here.

This definitely isn't the school.

I think I'm lost. Hello? Can anyone help me? I need to get back to school. I've got a lot of important things that I need to take care of.

[ Norway's reaction to this entire situation can be clearly summed up by the expression on his face, filling the video screen: NO. he has MEETINGS to attend, BUSINESSES to keep an eye on, A YOUNGER BROTHER to harass when he remembers he has one, AN ECONOMY to rock at. this is not on his schedule. ]

... Least there's Folk in t' forest here.

[ a second, shorter clip, no less irritated: ]

Too bad there's Denmark.

'Not real'? Okay dumbasses, what do you think I've been doing the past seventy years? I already know how to not exist, I do it flawlessly! So why the am I here being told shit I already know? I HAVE THINGS TO DO. IMPORTANT THINGS. WEST CAN'T FIND HIS OWN ASS WITHOUT ME AROUND. I DIDN'T EVEN PUT THE BEER IN THE FRIDGE?!

Someone mind thinking my car back into existence?

Tch.

It's crap. Who the hell do these people think they are?

Why is it that I can't ever go anywhere without being completely surrounded by morons who think that they can just lie to me of all people.

I keep telling everyone that it just can't be done, but who listens to me? No one. Morons.

And what's the mantra, class?

Everybody Lies. Even big scary government-type guys with fancy coats and clearance badges.

Ahh-

Would someone mind helping me find the road out of here? I need to get back home.

Ten minutes.

I'll give you ten minutes to explain where I am, how you did this, and to lower the barrier around this island.

[The feed opens on Rodney doing something rarely seen- he's grinning. Not in a cocky or smug way, but a genuinely pleased one. He moves aside to show that a woman- one who looks suspiciously like Kaylee, but has blonde hair and is a few years older- is asleep in his bed. Rodney watches her happily for a while before turning the camera back on himself.]

I don't know what I did to deserve this, but... I'm going to enjoy her being here while it lasts.

New Moore Police -- effective immediately, your weekends and vacations are cancelled, and we're all on emergency overtime. Report into the station ASAP to get your new schedule. Something like half our new arrivals -- and we have a lot of new arrivals -- aren't showing up in the hospital. They're popping in on the street, and some of them are a little upset.

New arrivals -- the Four Saisons Hotel is offering free room and board, plus orientation brochures that probably won't make any more sense to you than they did to me.

[Locked to Kaylee]
I had a really good time the other night.

[Locked to Jenny]
That was a dirty trick.

Thanks.

[ The man who appears on screen looks confused, panicked, and more than just a little lost. He is dressed well, but his state of panic has glossed his brow and disheveled his hair a bit. ]
Tzuh muh luh?

Can anyone help me? I... seem to have lost my crew and my little sister.

Mei mei? If you're out there, can you hear me?

Jen dao mei.

[ He clears his throat and tries to regain his usually considerable composure. ]

If anyone has seen a transport ship, kind of a run-down, beat up little thing, please let me know. My sister is sick and I need to get back to her.

Books.

Not. A single. One.

Anything beyond reference is so scarce, so rare... What sort of place is this that it has no books? No novels to enrich the mind?

Not even a bible.

Oh Lord grant me mercy.

Oh, now really, this is much more like it! Finally, when I ask for a decent fishing spot, I get one! It's taken long enough, I must say. Not a place I've been to before, which is saying something. I'll have to have a look 'round after!

Now, where's the best fishing spot?

What a surprise. Adults still trying to force their point of view on you. I didn't sign up for a trip to Hawai'i. Especially while unconscious. Someone care to say what's going on in this theme park?

[A low growl, almost inaudible.]

Tarrlok, if this is your doing-

[She steps up the volume, snapping in what is clearly a commander's bark.]

Republic City police, report! Tenzin, Korra!

Half off draft beer today in honor of all the newbies. The Nancing Phony. Everyone over 21 is welcome.

Bar opens at sundown.

[There's a sound of running footsteps -- keen listeners will note that one of them sounds heavier than the other, and there's the occasional metallic tick noise. Then, a shout:]

Al! Al!

Hey! Hey you! I'm looking for a big guy in a full suit of armor! Has anyone seen him? He's my little brother --

[From further away from the microphone, there's a disbelieving mutter of "little?"]

Shut up! Just tell me if you've seen him!

Hey, Al!

TOO

MANY

PEOPLE!!!!!

It looks like we're clocking about one new arrival on the island every hour.  Some of them just... pop up in the middle of the street.

[Locked to Torchwood//High Security]

I have footage of some of the appearances -- no sign of any mechanism or device, but there is something -- the cameras fuzz out for a few microseconds to either side of the arrival.  Might be a deliberate hardware feature to keep anyone from learning more, but I'm guessing a high energy surge of some kind right at the moment of arrival.

You know, I would point out the irony of all this but it is just too easy. I mean really. Are you getting that bored out there? Let's tell all the fictionals they're fiction and see what they do!

Spoilers: Most of them won't believe you

But hey. At least you have me. Your friendly neighborhood spider-man!

No? Not even a little laugh. Huh. Tough crowd. All right. Time to liven things up a bit. It's all a little too real housewives for me. Why don't we see if we can spark up some Hawaii 5-0

Hey. While we're at it. Do I look like Ryan Reynolds under this? As long as you have the wheels to the clownmobile, why not mix things up a bit?

Come on.

For me?

Pretty please?

Oh, fine. But if I don't get a kiss from a lovely lady before I turn back into a frog you are the one who has to hear about it.

Ah, this is so exciting! To think that I might have been part of some great story, and I didn't even know it! I wonder what kind of story it was... I certainly wouldn't have been a main character... Nothing that exciting happens to be. Not really. I mean, there were a few things, but they mostly happened to other people.

But what if I was just in the beginning of my story? The young heroine before she took up adventuring? Ah~! I don't know how well I'd do, but I wish I had found out!

But really, if this is the real world, I should find the library right away and start reading up on its history!

Who: Aisling, Remus Lupin, Jack Harkness, the (11th) Doctor, Jenny
What: Sussing out a solution to Remus' furry little problem
When: After this.
Where: Remus' cave in the foothills in the forest.
Warnings: Violence, timey-wimey nonsense. Possibly others.

( The cave mouth loomed... )

What have you done with Hige, Kiba and Tsume? Where is Cheza?!

Let them go.

Please?

[ The video begins with a startled gasp and the recoiling face of the alarmed and rather frazzled looking young woman who made it. At her back is a nondescript brick wall. She blinks owlishly, and the feed suddenly blurs as the camera angle swoops to the ground and then back again. Seemingly at a loss, she hooks her chin over the back of a hand and juts out her lower lip, her eyes narrowed in barefaced suspicion. ]

... 'Call in prog'— oh! It's a telephone! ... This is a telephone?

[ Dumbfounded, she jerkily examines it from all angles, and takes her viewers along for the nauseating ride. ]

It's so— small! Where am I even supposed to talk into this thing? And why can I see myself?

[ After a moment of cautious hesitation, she leans in close. ]

Uh... hello?

[ A distant shuffle of feet and muffled voices has her jolting to attention. Her last words are a hissed 'Oh shoot' before the stream goes dead. ]