Those new to the island have several selections for entertainment.

You may come to my establishment, Madame Red's Antiques & Appraisals for both liquor and whatever else you may be looking for. The first one is always free. We also have a staff of beautiful employees to make your adjustment to New Moore as comfortable as possible. Those separated from their belongings are welcome to check the shop for any items they may have misplaced in the move, or can find something new to comfort them.

The Nancy Phoney offers ONE (1) free drink to new arrivals. A silverwear optional, jousting-friendly establishment, this bar has one (1) glowing endorsement from the owner, who states, "IT'S NOT WATERED DOWN I SERVE GREAT BEER." Powerful words.

Looking forward to seeing you.

[ the woman on the feed has a wry, lipsticked grin on her face. for someone who had simply appeared in a new world and been told that she was fictional, she seemed very calm, at least on the surface. more than that, she seemed almost .. happy. or at the very least, intrigued. ]

Oh, how fascinating. [ she waves a hand. 'being here,' she means. ]

But, it seems like I'm a bit more than fashionably late and I had some rather important appointments to keep back home. Pity; I suppose it'd be rather cliché of me to ask whether I can leave now.

Ehem. Hello! Are you on an island you never wanted to be on? Are you hungry and have no idea where food is? You should call Paradox Pizza. With delicious pizzas (and pancakes we do breakfasts), completely affordable prices, and delivery service that will literally deliver the pizza immediately after you hang up the phone -- it's the best place to get food.

Unless you're craving dessert! In which case you should direct yourself to those fancy coupons in another post and get some Betty Crocker products.

Not hungry? You need a thneed. What's that? It's a revolutionary product with a million uses*! A million, you ask? No way!

Yes way! It's a parachute, a suit, a bufferfly net, a people net, a bodybag (not intended for recommended use), a sleeping bag, a reusable diaper, an exercise belt, a conveyor belt, a runny nose wiper, a slingshot, a catapult, a muzzle, an attractive designer bag, a tightrope, a jump rope, a cape, a colorful cat sweater, an underwater fish igloo, a carpet, drapes, a pillow, sheets, a bicycle seat, a swimsuit, a monkey suit, a tea cozy, a fabulous cocktail dress, a wi-fi hot spot, earmuffs, oven mitts, mouse pad, mouse house, a dog house, a house-house, fancy blouse, a car seat, a booster seat, a pair of socks, underpants, it puts out campfires, it wards of vampires, a pool cover, a soup, balloon.... AND MOOORE!

Thneeds are all natural, made of one-hundred-and-ten-percent truffula tuft.
Don't need a large, medium, or small because it's uniquely designed for a true one-size-fits-all.
To the touch this wonderful thing is softer than silk!
And it smells sweeter than butterfly milk!
And it comes in 84 colors which all look great!
And it can be yours for just 3.98!

*Thneeds can not be trees.

edit: And take a look right here for free breadsticks.

Okay, listen up. I was recently approved for a new import license, and I think now is the time to roll out our new draft beers.

From now on, The Nancing Phony serves specialty seasonal beers, which will be on a regular rotation from month to month. There will always be something new to try.

I'm also starting a new program called "Gotta Drink 'Em All". There's an app, you can download it. There, you'll track what beers you've had, and when you hit 100 different beers, you get an axe on the wall with your name on it, and a party where all the beer is paid for. When you hit the next 100, you get a sword with your name on it, and another beer party. Next 100, you get a mace. Etc, etc.

So come on down. Beers on tap for the rest of the month are:

Sticking me on a tropical island vacation paradise without any way of getting out? Sounds … not too bad, actually. It's like someone thought this through. But, uh, some things just don't settle well with a night walk on the beach and a straw in a coconut. I'm not good with small … places. Not even this kind of roomy small.

But, all right, uh, sure, I'll buy it, I've seen stranger. Pocket universe, right? Some kind of elaborate cage to keep us all in. It's nice, but somehow I can't see it working out for any of us long term. Can anyone tell me about the barrier? Any sort of readings? X-ray, alpha rays, beta rays, gamma rays, electromagnetic, UV, any sort of nuclear emissions?

Or if anyone has a dosimeter, Geiger counter and a hand-held spectrophotometer, I can do it myself.

Hello.

I'm sorry, I'm a little lost. Could anyone tell me if there's a shrine somewhere on the island? Thank you.

Also I'm looking for a calico cat. He's exceptionally large and fat. He might look more pig-like than cat-like on first glance but I assure you he's just a normal cat. He might've gone looking for food and gotten lost. He likes manjuu and sake, so he might be near a place that sells either.

He is really just an ordinary cat.

Thank you again.

What is this, some sort of life-simulator? Pretty small, even for that. What's the objective? Marry, settle down, have children, amass wealth? This is too long-term for an arcade. What is it, hidden levels? Sudden monster breakout? Unless they're cy-bugs, there's no reason for me to be here.

Where'd they hide the exit? I don't have time for this.

[ so. this is something. sort of. ]

You take me from where I am needed to deposit me in a realm where I am claimed a false being. Yet here I am real.

[ yo, he's heard that song and dance before on midgard. you're totally late on that one, new moore. and he doesn't believe it for one second. ]

I do not take kindly to such deceit and would like to speak with your leader peaceably—should that not be obtained, I share no qualm in using force. But I do not wish it to come to that.

[ there is a brief pause; someone looks a mite bit angry ]

It is your choice.

[White skin, pitch black hair, made up in black and wearing clothes straight out of Goths R Us, there is a bright-eyed, ridiculously cheery woman smiling into the camera. Those of you who have died before... you may recognize her. This is Death.]

Well, this is new! Or at least this iteration is new. I can't say that I've ever been here like this. I know the place, of course, and some of you I know better than others. Hello, Nathan! It's good to see you on this side of things!

Not that I don't mind a bit of a vacation, but I'm not due for one until fall, and I was thinking I'd go to Iceland this time. This place is nice, I admit, but I do have things I need to be doing. Great "weird mission" and all. Things are going to build up, and last time that happened it wasn't so pretty.

I know, I know... No one knows how to get out and the government isn't telling. Well, I'll have to see if my little brother can at least let people know until they come to their senses. It's just not terribly bright to trap one of us for long.

So who knows what's most fun to do around here? I can't say that I ever stuck around long enough to find out! Busy girl, you know.

Hey guys, sort of a public service announcement! If anyone sees these guys, point them my way.

Noh-Varr, you're pretty good at karaoke. You should come over sometime and give me some tips. My roommate's all worked up with the flood of randoms, so we'll have the whole place to ourselves.

Kate, unsurprisingly you're beyond help.

Loki, good work with the tambourine.

So having established that the Avengers and the X-Men and Luke Skywalker and apparently the Starship Enterprise are all things that have existed somewhere at some time- and I'm not saying that isn't important- I need somebody to confirm:

Have you heard of the Guardians of the Galaxy? Do you know their status or their last whereabouts? If it was a bar, try to specify which bar, there have been a lot.

Have you seen any fissures in time/space lately? You would know it when you saw it, believe me.

Do you know if this is Earth? Do you know how I can find out if this is Earth or where this is relative to Earth? Is there any way I can find out if Earth is being attacked or blown up in my absence, and what's the current outlook on getting back there anytime soon?

And lastly, does anybody know if the Badoon, Ultron, Thanos, or the Spartoi are in any way involved in whatever the flark this is?

For the record, I'm Peter Quill, and if I know you but you don't know me, I don't even want to hear about it anymore right now.

[there's an asian man dressed in a hakama, swinging a bokuto back and forth in complex training patterns. it takes a few moments before he actually pays attention to his surroundings and falters, eyes widening]

What...? Where am I?

[Well, if there is one object Balder is not familiar with than it has to be the one that is placed in his hands right now. Somekind of device with tiny buttons on it and something that is...well, what is it exactly? It lights up for no reason and oh, there's his own image and he has no idea he is actually broadcasting himself throughout the network.]

Ah! It is a mirror of some sort.

[Balder peers into the small mirror briefly, quickly brushing a strand of hair aside. After that he tosses the 'mirror' on the bed and all others can see is a ceiling.

He has never seen a city like this, or a room like this, or anything like this to begin with. And he has travelled through some realms and faced quite some dangers. But there has never been any danger that came in the form of a rather...futuristic room with a very soft bed.]

What realm is this?

[He seems to be muttering to himself as he is leafing through the small booklet that they left for him. Apparently someone needs to give him more information.]

I need my sword.

Robocop, I will go to church with you every Sunday if you make the bloody alien hellscape go away

who: john and vriska, monorails 4 lyfe
when: directly following karkat's midnight channel
where: east 101
what: EVERY SINGLE PERSON WE KNOW IS JUST THE WORST.

( cut for my extremely wonderful writing )